Review of chapter "A Charmed Encounter Part 1" from bradsan
aww come on update. I love it.
Review By [bradsan
] • Date [13 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Aliens, Witches and Mutants, OH My!" from burmafrdnow
This is more properly a X-Man crossover; you are misleading your readers by labeling it Roswell
Review By [burmafrdnow
] • Date [21 Dec 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Aliens, Witches and Mutants, OH My!" from bradsan
awww come on update. You've got a really good start.
Is logan Buffy's real dad or something else. Can't wait to read more.
Review By [bradsan
] • Date [12 Nov 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Aliens, Witches and Mutants, OH My!" from nightshadowlife
oh awesome story so far, would love to see michael and Buffy meet up later on!
Review By [nightshadowlife
] • Date [29 Dec 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Aliens, Witches and Mutants, OH My!" from DeacBlue
I enjoyed quite a bit of this story. The plot was acceptable and reasonably tight. Having said that, there were several issues that might be addressed.
The first that reared its head were the retractable claws that you show Buffy having and using. No Buffy, movie or TV series (or even comic book, as far as I know), has ever had claws/nails/whathaveyou like that. That doesn't mean that yours can't have it, but you have to show your work. Give a reason that she has these claws, or at the very least, show her freaked that she suddenly has them.
Then you portray her using English idiom and show the road using kilometers. Buffy is American, not British; She would have called Pike an asshole, and her distance sign would have said 2 1/2 miles (there were other instances, those just were the first and most egregious.
Also, there are some spelling and grammar errors that should be looked after.
You did pretty well on the diner scene. Nothing threw me out of the story.
The final issue is that there was nothing that really differentiated one teenage character from another. If you had accidentally changed names around on dialogue or action, I wouldn't have noticed. That needs work.
The premise is promising - I hope to see more of your work.
Comments from author:
Thank you for the review.
Honey I clued people in to just where Buffy got those claws at the end of chapter one.
Also I'm Australian, I don't actually know how American's measure things.
Thanks for the constructive criticism.
Review By [DeacBlue
] • Date [28 Dec 10] • Rating [5 out of 10]