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Review of chapter "Do You Hear What I Hear" from MistofRainbows
Possessed hand? Interesting if a bit creepy...
Comments from author:
Good guess, but there's a lot at play in that scene, but it won't pay off for a little while. Glad you enjoyed the chapter!
Review By [MistofRainbows] • Date [9 Dec 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Do You Hear What I Hear" from (Past Donor)Skyefather
Once again great story, and just so you know, its one of my favorites. ok you need to go back and get a Beta to double check your spelling, and don't forget that Dawn is British in your fic, raised and born so you can't use an American style for her speech patterns. other wise great chapter. keep it up.

Comments from author:
Thank you very much for your kind review. Your feedback is always appreciated.

I have been thinking about getting a Beta for this story, particularly for the purposes of "Brit-picking," but I unfortunately don't know anyone. If you are interested, or have any suggestions as to who can help, please message me.
Review By [(Past Donor)Skyefather] • Date [9 Dec 13] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "I Just Can't Live a Lie" from MistofRainbows
I liked the quidditch tryouts in the previous chapter, nice touch with the beater bat. Nice work on the current time story. Harry seemed to have a bit of an insane snap there... I'm rather confused though with everything that's happened to him... I think not telling his sister is a bit stupid and hypocritical.
Comments from author:
Again, thank you for sticking with this story. I'm glad that you enjoyed so many aspects of this story.

Yes, Harry is being rather hypocritical and stupid. This will be a recurring theme until Dawn finds out.

Please, continue to tell me what you don't like about the story so I can address it in the future. I love when people keep me honest!!
Review By [MistofRainbows] • Date [22 Jul 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Undo It" from MistofRainbows
Gah... I guess it doesn't matter giving a review for stuff that's old but... I found the flash back of Harry leaving to be horribly painful to read. I can't see Harry leaving his sister behind. His parents didn't know or at least didn't give a crap about Molly or Arthur Weasley... (any more than they would other nice people) they weren't order members.... (Molly's brothers were) There is no reason to have her be her godmother... It's bad editing on the spell or a failure of research on your part... it's just irksome. Harry leaving his firebolt... reeks of plot railroading... Leaving a portkey with a timer on it would be stupid without a note to say hold it. Stealing credit for Ginny's bat hex... gah... Anyone at Hogwarts not knowing who she is... doesn't make sense. On the other hand it's amusing to see Harry consider giving Colin the shovel speech.
Comments from author:
I'm so glad that you stuck with this story, as I think many of your misgivings are rectified later in the story. I just want to address a few things.

I would like to think that the shifts in the timeline necessitated a stronger bond between Molly and Lily. In the next chapter, I will show that Molly served as Lily's midwife, which strengthens her credentials as being Dawn's godmother.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but there is no incantation given for the sleeping spell. If you can find one in the books, I will happily change it.

There was a note on the portkey, and I don't believe that anyone at Hogwarts didn't recognize Dawn.
Review By [MistofRainbows] • Date [22 Jul 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "What Can I Say" from dialNforNinja
I'm sorry, I tried, but this story is too much like the real books with cluess moron Harry for me to stomach. On the positive side, that means your characterization is spot on, and JKR is the only person I blame for everything post GoF being crap.
Comments from author:
Well, thank you for the compliment. I appreciate that you found my characterization spot on, as it's something I strive for.
Review By [dialNforNinja] • Date [22 Jul 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "I Just Can't Live a Lie" from (Recent Donor)christytrekkie
Well I have to say I have missed this particular fic immensely. Had to read it from the beginning again, But I do say when you come back you come back with a bang. That was one hell of a chapter, can't wait for next.
Comments from author:
Thank you so much for your compliment and continued support!
Review By [(Recent Donor)christytrekkie] • Date [22 Jul 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Twisted" from (Past Donor)Skyefather
seven months since your last update. I truly hope you haven't abandoned this story since it's the best plot driven story to come along in years on this site.
Comments from author:
I know, it has been a long time between updates, but I am working on it. I hope to have the next chapter up within a few weeks. Thanks for the compliment! I really appreciate it!
Review By [(Past Donor)Skyefather] • Date [10 Apr 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Twisted" from (Recent Donor)christytrekkie
I'm enjoying this immensely can't wait for next. Kind of anxious for how your going to bring the scoobs into this and how the trio and Dumble will react when they find out the truth and if Volde and Glory will combine forces (that just made me shutter and I have chills up and down my arm at the thought of that eerrgh!) Will be tracking this.
Review By [(Recent Donor)christytrekkie] • Date [20 Oct 11] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Twisted" from MarcusSLazarus
A BIT apprehensive about how Harry's going to react long-term to the news that Dawn isn't what she seems to be, but I was glad to see that Harry still appears to have some degree of feelings for Ginny even if he's not fully aware of them yet; those two remain one of my favourite fanfic pairings.

Keep up the ever-fascinating work!
Review By [MarcusSLazarus] • Date [20 Oct 11] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "What Can I Say" from (Past Donor)Skyefather
I feel I have to be Honest here so please don't take offense. 1st thing that pops in my mind is Harry would never leave his little sister to the tender mercy of the Dursleys after what happened with aunt Marge. Harry would never allow someone else to take the blame for something he thought he did. this was totally OOC for Harry, if he had to curse his Uncle and be sentenced to Azkaban he would do it happily to save someone he loved. after all he did it for someone he despises (Dudley) also this would totally disabuse the trust that the Monks showed in sending the key to Harry for Protection, cause let's face it in this scene Harry totally failed to Protect Dawn when she needed it the most. now for the scene with Snape and Dawn, this is great, this shows me this story is worth tracking when I saw this scene I went back and read it a couple of times, till I got the Idea maybe the monks wanted Snape to protect Dawn, and here is someone I could see who would willing lay down his life for Dawn after that scene, so good job. Snape giving Dawn her mothers wand id truly touching and really original. everything else is a matter of taste so Angst away if that's what you want for the story.

Hoping your are well
Comments from author:
Thank you so much for your honest review. I love it when people analyze my characters and their motives, even if it is to challenge me. It makes my story better, so I would never take offense to it. Please keep all criticism coming!

My intention with the Aunt Marge memory was not to show Harry allowing Dawn to take the blame out of selfishness, although I do believe that it was in character for 13 year old Harry (He went through a lot of growth in his third and fourth years that led him that point--I was already planning on addressing this in the next chapter). That particular scene was included for two reasons: to show how Harry was thrust into the role of big brother unprepared and also to show that when the Monks rewrote their memories, nothing was really changed. In the show, they only delved into this through dialogue (mainly Dawn saying she was kidnapped by Angelus and Faith), although again I am going to address this directly in the next chapter. Hopefully this explanation makes sense.

Thanks for the positive review of the Snape scene. You really understood almost everything I intended to convey, so thank you for your compliments on that scene.

Thank you for your review and I hope you continue to enjoy my story.
Review By [(Past Donor)Skyefather] • Date [1 Aug 11] • Rating [6 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Lessons Learned" from MarcusSLazarus
While the implications of Dawn's fear are obvious- fear of the Key being 'activated'-, HOW she can 'know' about that raises a lot of questions about the nature of the Key and its impact on Dawn's present state that I really don't get...

Still, at least you had an interesting flashback scene with Dawn and Snape; the idea of Snape giving her her mother's wand IS rather moving in its way.

I just have to wonder how Dumbledore and Snape will react to their discovery that something's manipulating their memories...
Comments from author:
Thank you for your continued reviewing of my story. The effect of the key on Dawn (and visa versa) will continue to grow as a theme in this story, and I am excited to show the impact of Dumbledore's discovery in the very next chapter.
Review By [MarcusSLazarus] • Date [1 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Temporary Home" from jimk
[I would really like someone to explain to me why everyone hates Colin though. Yes, he was annoying in the second and fourth book, but he joined the DA and freaking died a hero's death. Why can't I make him a hero early, before his death?]

First of all given how he behaved, he may very well have joined the DA simply to copy Harry once again. Lastly, just because he died doesn't exactly make him a hero. Nothing in the books say how he died. Maybe he died a hero but another way to look at it is he was too young to fight, was told not to yet insisted on sneaking in and then what happened is what you would expect from someone too inexperienced to fight that day. He died and quite possibly he died uselessly. Nothing in the book indicates either way.

Now how he behaved prior to that? Well, let's see. He is incredibly obnoxious. He has no respect for other people. He is rude. He's a socially unaware, brain dead little dork. Get my feelings on him? :)

Seriously, he's the kind of person you would be embarrassed to know. The way he follows Harry around with a camera and ignores the fact that Harry doesn't want him to do so is the best example of why people can't stand him. Think about it and the lack of respect he shows by doing that.

Do you for example think celebrities have a right to a little peace and quiet when they are in a restaurant enjoying a meal? Wouldn't you be really embarrassed to know someone who when they see someone like that in a restaurant, they walk up to their table, interrupt everyone at that table and repeatedly try to get the celebrity to sign multiple autographs while the person is clearly trying to enjoy a quiet dinner? There is a difference between being pushy at an appropriate place. There is a difference from quietly asking for an autograph and hounding someone. In the books Colin never seemed to get that.

That's how Colin acted around Harry. Beyond the fact that he was extremely annoying, doesn't that say Colin is either incredibly selfish or incredibly stupid to continue to act that way around Harry no matter how clear Harry made it that he wanted to be left alone?

That's why people hate Colin Creevey and don't think highly of him.
Comments from author:
You make a very convincing argument for why people don't like him. Thank you. At least now, I can understand it and try to show him as a more likable character so I don't alienate people right away.

I agree that the book doesn't specify how, exactly, he dies and he could have just taken some random curse in the back, but I'd like to think that, if he had five full years at Hogwarts by the time the Battle of Hogwarts took place, he could hold his own at least as well as Luna or Ginny in their fourth year in the Department of Mysteries.

I must disagree with one tiny point, which is that "Colin never seemed to get that." During Dumbledore's funeral, the entire school was present, yet they never make any mention of Colin having his camera out, which is something that Harry would have said given how much he disliked Colin. But, the book doesn't specify, so you could make the exact opposite argument.

I guess to me, I needed a character that could prove to Harry that Dawn was there all along, and who better than a guy that carries a camera everywhere? You have really given me a lot to think about, especially because, so far, the only reason I gave for Harry disproving of Colin was that he finds Colin annoying and, as an older brother, he automatically hates any guy his sister brings home. Now, I have a solid reason for the argument that will occur in the next chapter.

Once again, thank you so much for your help. This is far more valuable than the usual "update soon." Please continue to read this story, as it will undoubtedly help me refine and improve it.
Review By [jimk] • Date [27 Apr 11] • Rating [5 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Undo It" from MarcusSLazarus
Well, the Potter siblings' relationship might be awkward in both the present and past, but at least the first-year girls you introduced here look like they could be interesting characters.

Keep up the good work!
Comments from author:
Thank you so much for the review, as always. I was worried as to how those original characters would be received, as they will play an important role.
Review By [MarcusSLazarus] • Date [27 Apr 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Starts with Goodbye" from jimk
I like the idea for this story a lot but unfortunately I really can't stand the characters as they are presented. I realize that is a matter of taste. Both Harry and Dawn come across to me as angsty, little prima donnas. Dawn is a selfish and obnoxious brat. Harry is basically a dick.

He can't stand Dumbledore keeping secrets yet he does it to Dawn? Harry and Dawn can't stand the Durleys, who can't stand them. Yet rather than pulling together against the world as you might expect, they act like a couple of spoiled rich kids who think only of themselves. And, please let's not even get into setting up Dawn with Coling Creevy of all people. Are we really supposed to think that little of her?

That said I realize that for a lot of people everything I don't like about the characters makes for many people great conflict and a good story. It's not a bad story at all. I just don't like the characters
Comments from author:
Thank you so much for your honest review. I'm not just saying that too; I actually like negative feedback more than positive, as it helps me know what I need to change.

I agree, to an extent, that they are not perfect characters. The joy of writing is that your characters have to go through an arc. What's the fun if Harry starts out as the perfect older brother, or even the perfect person? Buffy and Dawn were horrible siblings and treated each other like crap (which, in my opinion, is why she was so hated by the fans). They brought out the worst in each other at first. As the characters grow and learn more about the situation and themselves, they will become better and stronger, and if you keep reading I hope you'll enjoy those characters.

I would really like someone to explain to me why everyone hates Colin though. Yes, he was annoying in the second and fourth book, but he joined the DA and freaking died a hero's death. Why can't I make him a hero early, before his death?

Please contact me if you want to discuss this further. Your feedback is extremely helpful.
Review By [jimk] • Date [27 Apr 11] • Rating [5 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Temporary Home" from MarcusSLazarus
Interesting touch with the Anyanka reference- although I have to ask if there's a particular reason why Hedwig doesn't like Dawn-, and character dynamics continue to be interesting reading; keep up the great work!
Comments from author:
Thank you as always for your kind review! Yes, there is a reason why Hedwig doesn't like Dawn. Ostensibly it's because Dawn used Hedwig without Harry's permission and got the owl in trouble, but more on that later.
Review By [MarcusSLazarus] • Date [23 Feb 11] • Not Rated
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