Your story is going on nicely, but there are a couple of technical things I need to pull you up on about your punctuation.
First off, your commas are a bit random sometimes. I wouldn't worry about that too much; commas are hard, and everyone has their own opinions on the details. I recommend the punctuation section of Arduinna's Chrestomathy for a good description of the basics.
Something I found more noticeable was the problem with quoting paragraphs of speech. "You have the right idea," Rod said, "in not closing quote marks at the end of the paragraph. It's logical; close quotes mark the end of a speech, and the speech hasn't ended, so clearly the close quotes don't belong.
"Unfortunately the same logic doesn't apply to opening quotes at the start of a new paragraph. You do put them in, as I did here, despite the fact that this isn't where the speech starts. I suspect the rationale is that they remind readers that we are still in a speech, which we might otherwise forget.
"And yes, that does mean we have unbalanced opening and closing quotes. Writing autoquoting software isn't quite as easy as some people think!"
I am being a bit picky about this, but it's in the name of making a good writer better. You do write very well, and I'm just trying to supply you with some bits of information you didn't have before.
it has been a long time since i have read a good babylon 5 story... I thank you for the effort you have put into making this a very well written and thought out story.
Comments from author:
Thank you. It's one of the reasons why I have angsted over this fic for the last six years now. I want to do it right even without a beta.
Review By [sciphy] • Date [10 Sep 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Personally I don't like long ramblings about Buffy verse where everything is explained. I like that others don't know everything so that they have to guess and wonder. I like where this story is going and absolutely love this crossover verse. Waiting for more...
Review By [ursamajor] • Date [6 Dec 11] • Not Rated
I just read your story and am finding it quite fun. It has the feel of still building up to the main event/plotline, and I'm quite intrigued as to where it's going.
Review By [Runewolf] • Date [5 Dec 11] • Rating [7 out of 10]
An excellent start. A little stilted in spots, but a smoother flow will come with practice and the further you get into the story.
I liked the merge of the universes; was 'stone ring' meant to be a reference to a Stargate? Perhaps this is a universe where the Alterans died out early and the Goa'uld never rose to power, and Xander will discover some important remnant of Ancient tech? Maybe the Technomages will help him figure it out, and in return he'll help free them from their dependence on Shadow tech (albeit usually unknowing that their tech/powers are gifts of the Shadows)?
Interesting flashes as he passed through the temporal rift; did he actually join Babylon 4, or just glimpse it on the way past? It's been far too long since I watched my B5 DVDs (plus the fact it's just hit midnight) for me to figure it out. Either way, you're doing a reasonably good job of explaining the beginnings of the B5 universe for those members of your audience who haven't watched the series, although a little more backstory would probably be a kindness for them, once Xander reaches a point of having more things explained to him.
Well done, and I'm looking forward to reading more of this!
Review By [ianquest] • Date [17 Jan 11] • Rating [8 out of 10]
I LOVE MARCUS AND XANDER'S FRIENDSHIP, THEY DON'T HAVE TO HIDE THEMSELVES FROM EACH OTHER OR PLAY THE CLOWN. THIS IS THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF XANDER BEING "THE BUTTERFLY" EFFECT, AND SHIFTING THE STORYLINE WITHOUT CHANGING THE VOICE OF THE CHARACTERS.
Review By [MOONWOLF] • Date [17 Jan 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
I'm exited to read a Buffy/B5 crossover. The merge of these worlds was smoothly done. Time drifts are convenient way to send Buffyverse people into the B5 verse. Waiting for more...
Review By [ursamajor] • Date [1 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Interesting start to this story but I am just wondering if B5 is in the Buffyverse?
I eagerly wait for Xander's reaction when he finds out that he's in space, that those demons are actually aliens and the gang is trying to get rid of Earth's corrupt leader.
Wonder how many waves Xander will create in this time stream?
Keep up the good work and Ah, hell.
Comments from author:
You'll see. *evil grin*
Thank you. I'm hoping actually posting it after having it sit on my computer in limbo for the last couple of years will get me to where I outlined it to go.
Review By [Omegaprime] • Date [31 Dec 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]