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More Than Eyes Can See

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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from ALM
Review:
Your story made me chuckle. I liked it.
Review By [ALM] • Date [14 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from VillageOrchid
Review:
This made less sense considering the first part. For example, you you have said that their plan was to do something where only Buffy would be exposed, but before they could act upon it, Dawn and some of the baby slayers were kidnapped.
Bridging text, or preferably bridging scenes.
However, your use of exposition to say what did happen, was efficient... just not connected.
Comments from author:
Maybourne wanted the SGC and the Council to make contact. Not just Buffy showing up or something at Cheyenne Mountain and becoming a curiosity. So prep and plans in progress and continue day to day life...

And yes, before anything along those lines could happen the Trust put their foot right in it. An organization like the new Council isn't going to just believe something brought to them by a person any half-brained Google-fu attempt would turn up as being listed as convicted for treason against the USA, and Buffy and Co would want a firm plan set up before actually risking exposure of the supernatural side of things to an unkown beyond top secret military group.

Last one of those they tangled with made ADAM.

Also, yes, there is a bridging story that will be inserted between the current first and second posts. My muse is just being a royal pain about scripting it.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [13 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from burmafrdnow
Review:
Really do need a story on the kidnap and rescue. I can imagine Buffy after she sees the Lab. Enraged at kidnapping slayers; greater rage at kidnapping Dawn; hyper rage at what they were trying to do. It would be very useful to show Buffy completely out of control and destroying everything in sight; which is where she would be at that point. Humans or not, this would be a case where as far as Buffy was concerned, everyone in that facility was a demon. No exceptions.

"You were head guy here. You will tell me everything. Let me make this very clear: you are going to die. The only thing that will change will be how you die. I will make it quick or clean- or I will make it a death far beyond your worst nightmare. Beyond making you blind deaf and dumb, dumped off as a penniless beggar in some slum somewhere in the third world to be abused and played with before getting sick enough of some disease and dying. Is that clear?"
Comments from author:
Working on it, believe me.
Review By [burmafrdnow] • Date [13 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from serenityselena
Review:
oh my ...
what surprises ^_^
Review By [serenityselena] • Date [26 Feb 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from marajaded
Review:
I'm new here, this is the first story of anyone's I've read. Short and sweet, i.e. cool. Given your understanding of both shows- maybe not as fleshed out as could be. Still very cool. And better yet no spelling/grammar errors as far as the eye could see, compliments to your beta.
Review By [marajaded] • Date [18 Jan 11] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from CrystalBlaze
Review:
He resorted to an O'Neill? That must really have dismayed him...
Review By [CrystalBlaze] • Date [18 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Gideon
Review:
Nice work. Both the characters are true to their origins, if not yet friendly to each other, and an interesting take on what it is that makes the Slayers different. I wonder if Buffy was worried for a moment that he might be seeing something bad. Like the essence of a demon that the original slayer was apparently made from. Good to know he doesn't think badly of her because of what he sees. And I am also sure Willow will be able to magic something up to help him out. - maybe a spell on his glasses to cut the supernatural glare down to size? identifying slayers on sight could be a useful skill to have.
Comments from author:
Buffy was more concerned about Daniel knowing what makes a slayer a slayer - since that's the mess that brought these two groups together and it was just recent, Buffy's still wary of military - into which she lumps nearly all Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and even civilian assistants.
As for Willow, no. Not this time. This is something outside Willow's skillset. Not a bad idea though.
Review By [Gideon] • Date [18 Jan 11] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Current Donor)vladt
Review:
enjoyed that, thank you. will enjoy you bringing together even more.
Review By [(Current Donor)vladt] • Date [17 Jan 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Current Donor)jedibuttercup
Review:
Ooo, interesting. Stories where Daniel retains something from his experiences as an Ascended always intrigue me, and I like the character interaction here.
Comments from author:
Glad you liked it!
Review By [(Current Donor)jedibuttercup] • Date [17 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Recent Donor)DeepBlueJoy
Review:
Interesting couple of pieces. Great start to a bigger series. Really want to see the longer piece where they actually discover the clones and all the fallout from that... love Harry Maybourne too... Hope he shows up to make more trouble.

Blue
Comments from author:
There could be a Harry scene in the part where SG1 and Scoobies first meet. Not at the actual meeting mind, but beforehand.
Review By [(Recent Donor)DeepBlueJoy] • Date [17 Jan 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Current Donor)Speakertocustomers
Review:
Why do you give Buffy's height as five foot four? SMG claims to be five foot three but it's blatantly obvious that she's really a lot shorter than that. Five foot four is actually the average height for a female American (source http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_height#Average_height_around_the_world) and the series wouldn't have been full of jokes poking fun at her extreme shortness if she'd really been average height. She's very, very, short. The absolute maximum she could be would be five foot two and I strongly suspect that she's really only five foot nothing or five foot one.
Comments from author:
I pulled that from IMDB. In the story, Buffy's only been around the SGC a few weeks at this point, and Daniel usually avoids all the slayers period, so he wouldn't have noticed what kind of shoes she's been wearing. Having her in raised heels is no problem, I can throw that in.
Thanks for the nit! Constructive criticism at its best!
Review By [(Current Donor)Speakertocustomers] • Date [17 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from RevDorothyL
Review:
Neat! I suspected that Daniel's post-Ascension vision might've been picking up on something different about Buffy and the other Slayers, and you developed that in really interesting ways.
Comments from author:
Thanks! It won't be good for much at all, though. Don't get too attached to it.
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [17 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from SlowMercury
Review:
This is a very interesting story! I especially liked Daniel's wary reaction to Buffy being "deceptively ill-educated." I'd love to see more of the gaps between the first story and the current situation filled in. Very good work!
Comments from author:
She did score high on her SATs, I do remember some jokes about that. And yes, gaps between will be filled in. I should have been a little clearer, but this one-shot is only a few weeks tops after SG1 and the Scoobies have the referred to run-in.
Thanks for reviewing!
Review By [SlowMercury] • Date [16 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from MarcusSLazarus
Review:
Nice touch with the reference to Cordelia's 'Ascension' and the consequences it has on the 'Fang Gang's' interaction with Daniel, although I'm a bit uncertain about Daniel's continued higher-dimensional awareness even if the idea of him being able to 'see' what makes people Slayers is interesting.
Comments from author:
Yeah, coming back down from "higher power" defintely raises their hackles. Daniel's awareness I pulled from when he goes to Atlantis and immediately pegs the library "hologram" as an Ancient. Some perception he had, that others don't. In this case, it's kinda like walking from a dark room into noon-day sun. It'll take him a bit to adjust but otherwise useless, in any case it's going to be heavily limited. None of the "new powers as plot demands" BS from shonen anime, entertaining as some of them might be.
Thanks for the review!
Review By [MarcusSLazarus] • Date [16 Jan 11] • Not Rated
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