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Review of chapter "Chapter 17" from sdavidm
Review:
Another stylistic suggestion: dialogue is 10x more interesting to read than internal monologue/narration of character thoughts, because dialogue involves character interaction. This chapter would be vastly improved by this change: at least 2/3 of this chapter could be turned into a conversation between Willow and Xander instead of just Willow's internal thoughts, and it would be far more enjoyable to read. Xander and Willow are also both very vocal characters, so the whole communicating silently with gestures isn't even like them.
Review By [sdavidm] • Date [30 Aug 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 16" from sdavidm
Review:
Only partway through the story right now, and it's a pretty good premise. The writing is good as well, but you have a bad habit of rehashing the same scene from every single characters perspective. It gets really tedious to read pretty much the exact same content with only minor variations. I end up mostly just skimming these parts, which is a shame because some characters can provide important information that the reader needs to know. The important stuff just gets buried in all the repetitive stuff.

For instance, Jack and Teal'c's perspectives are important in this chapter, Jack because he's one of the the main characters, and Teal'c because as a Jaffa he can describe what the stakes are, but the other character perspectives don't add anything new or important. You're honestly better off using their perspectives in later chapters where they would be of more use, and just ommitting them here.

The whole story would flow better if you stuck to a simple rule like, "no more than two perspectives per chapter".
Review By [sdavidm] • Date [30 Aug 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 35" from AndreaMaine
Review:
I know this story is complete at this time, but you know you left a great opening for a follow on or sequel story. I am thinking one following the careers of Second Lieutenants Xander O'Neill, Willow Rosenberg, and Cassandra Fraiser would be interesting.
Review By [AndreaMaine] • Date [8 Jul 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 35" from (Past Donor)severuswinchester
Review:
I really enjoyed reading this story. It was very entertaining and I liked how Jack was able to take in both Willow and Xander in. The action scenes were fast-paced and exciting. The more tender scenes featuring Jack being a caring father were lovely.
Review By [(Past Donor)severuswinchester] • Date [29 Sep 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 35" from DieselDriver
Review:
Hey! Writer's block happens. Not your fault. Muses are peculiar beings.
Great ending point for this part of the story. I'm really looking forward to reading more of your work.

To bad the networks couldn't pull something like this together. That would be so cool!

Thanks for posting.
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [11 Sep 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 31" from DieselDriver
Review:
Objection!!! Fluff??? Maybe, but that kind of fluff is what makes life worth living. We all need more "fluff" in our lives.
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [11 Sep 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from DieselDriver
Review:
I have to comment... " bended the truth". Really? "Bended"? How about "Bent"? As in "bent the truth".

Other than that egregious "bending" of the English language I am really enjoying the story. You write really well and that makes the occasional error stand out even more.

You commented that Jack was "ooc" which I am assuming means "out of character" but you know, I don't care. It fits the story you're writing and just because it's based on someone's character and stories doesn't mean it has to conform. In fact if it wasn't different, what would be the point. I'll also assume that "narky" means the same as "snarky". Not sure though. Never heard that word before, anywhere.
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [11 Sep 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 21" from DieselDriver
Review:
Better the motherboard than the hard drive. Aren't memory stix wonderful?
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [10 Sep 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from DieselDriver
Review:
I'm curious about the wording of this statement: "Honestly, the more time he spent more time with her, the more she made him think of Sam, Daniel and Janet, as if she was a genetic mash-up of the three." in particular the words "genetic mash-up". I get the impression that you didn't mean "match-up" but maybe you did? Or did you mean more of a mix of the three?

Good story. I'm enjoying it. Thanks for posting it.
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [10 Sep 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from DieselDriver
Review:
Good start. You get the emotion across well, maybe a little stilted in the wording. I don't know how much you've written before this but you should get better. Like the guy who asked how you get to Carnegie Hall. The answer is "Practice, practice, and more practice". Looking forward to reading the rest.
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [10 Sep 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 35" from (Current Donor)dogbertcarroll
Review:
Decent ending. A bit rushed but not too bad and has a good feel to it.
Review By [(Current Donor)dogbertcarroll] • Date [7 Jul 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 35" from heyu
Review:
I really enjoyed this. Any chance that, in the sequel, the newest SGC recruits have the last names of Frazier, O'Neill, and O'Neill?
Review By [heyu] • Date [16 Feb 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 35" from serenityselena
Review:
nice ending for this story ^_^
Review By [serenityselena] • Date [1 Feb 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 35" from Hawthorn
Review:
I really liked the blending of SG1 and Buffy. Although a long time fan of Stargate, I'm not overly familiar with the Buffy-verse, except for reading a few fanfiction crossovers with other fandoms that I follow. I very much enjoyed getting to know Xander and Willow through your eyes, and I look forward to reading more of your work, especially the proposed sequel. Thanks so much for sharing your concepts and talent.
Review By [Hawthorn] • Date [20 Jan 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 35" from (Current Donor)Sulien
Review:
If there was an "I Loathe Xander" club, I'd probably be it's president. However, I truly like the character as you've written him here and much prefer this story to actual canon. It isn't even just the fact that Xander doesn't betray Buffy by not telling her that Willow was attempting to return Angel's soul; it's that the Xander of your story isn't a jealous, self-centered git, he's a truly decent and caring human being. I thought it very apropos that Buffy went into the hell dimension with Angel and that Faith actually had a good, decent support system in the form of Giles and Joyce Summers after she arrived in Sunnydale (also unlike canon, which I hated...yes, there were a lot of things done in the show which I despised). I love how you managed to bring Xander and Willow into the lives of Jack O'Neill and SG-1 without overly bashing their parents (who deserve a lot worse than character bashing, if the truth be told). I'm also glad that Jack got a chance to enjoy having family in his life besides his team and I think you handled him and his reactions very well.

All in all, very nicely done! Thank you very much for sharing this story, it made for a wonderful evening's reading.
Review By [(Current Donor)Sulien] • Date [14 Jan 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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