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Severance.

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Review of chapter "Chapter Nine." from DieselDriver
Review:
Throwing away the rifle because it was empty was something I can't imagine a slayer doing. She would have used it as a club. A rifle makes a great club if you don't have anything better like ammo or a sword or a real club. Also, throwing away the map was so stupid. It would have been much better to have her lose it while being chased. Good thing Faith found another one with ammo in it or found it and the ammo it needed.

Edit in reply to your comment: it was in chapter 8 that you said "“Oh fuck,” groaned Faith as the demon struck her across the jaw with the butt of its rifle."

In the next chapters you just said "gun". You're right though, don't think an MP5 would do much in a "butt stroke". I assumed it was something similar to a Garand or a BAR. Garand not being fully automatic but a BAR is. 20 round clip of 30.06. Not a high fire rate but lots of bullet going downstream each time it does fire. Even set full auto you can hear the individual rounds go off. Experts can get off as few as 2 rounds at a time... It kind of goes "BU-BUP!!!" Military 30.06's were loaded with a 150 grain FMJ bullet with a muzzle velocity of about 2700 fps. Garand and BAR both used this round. Slightly longer and slightly more powerful in normal loads than the current military 7.62 Nato. According to my father, a WW2 vet, firing any full auto caused you to become the recipient of lots of incoming fire.
Comments from author:
Are you sure it was a rifle? I'm not sure (again because its a long time ago) but I think most of everything was a MP5 which don't make very good clubs.

You see in all the films people always throw away the empty rifle (never thinking that they might find more ammo) or stuff that'll come in handy later on (like maps), have noticed the 'hero' takes the rifle off the dead guy but never his spare ammo?

Cheers,
D.
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [21 Jan 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Nine." from maxthehobbit
Review:
Great action story, too bad it had to end. Everyone bit the dust except Faith and Dawn and even they came close to not making it out alive. Not only did they beat the odds on living, they found each other in the end. You're really great with the comedy, but you're a damned good action writer as well.
Thanks for sharing.
Comments from author:
Thanks, action/comedy, I'll remember that.

D.
Review By [maxthehobbit] • Date [18 Dec 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Seven." from Ltlconf
Review:
Howdy,

Damn, they're droppin' like flies in a room full of lizards aren't they. Well, at least Billy went well. Looks like (the) Dick is gonna buy it in a totally ironic manner! And now Faith is dealin' with the worse threat a Slayer can face: guns. Too bad she ain't around here as a lodge without a few 12g shotguns ain't no proper lodge!
Comments from author:
Remember this is Britain, you're not allowed to defend yourself.

You know I've actually toned this down a little from the film, I think it was an '18' when it was released.

Cheers,
Dave.
Review By [Ltlconf] • Date [30 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Nine." from (Moderator)jrabbit
Review:
Not only can you call 911, 112 also works.
Review By [(Moderator)jrabbit] • Date [3 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Nine." from (Current Donor)MaxGSandeman
Review:
Dick's action is what makes him a hero. If the demons weren't around, there was a chance that he might have got off the mine successfully with Faith and Dawn's help.
Nice end with Buffy. She was lucky to turn up after the real action.
Loved Faith's response; very practical.
Comments from author:
Thanks, In the next Grim Up North story you'll find out what Buffy was doing while all this was going on. Watch out for 'California Girls'.

Cheers,
Dave.
Review By [(Current Donor)MaxGSandeman] • Date [30 Apr 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Nine." from CPTSkip
Review:
Excellent action story. For just a bit during the last part I actually thought you might just have one of the ADAMoids kill Dawn. Thank you for not doing so. You do know that Dawn and Faith really need to hire a good solicitor. I am sure the arms company would pay really big money for them to keep their mouths shut about the little demonic-fiasco-in-the-woods. At least they need to get some money for the murdered employees' families. Nice job and now we get to look forward to another of your neat stories, right? Lol!
Comments from author:
'California Girls' will be out in about a week.

You know I never thought about suing Palisade Defense! Its a thought isn't it? Kill demon soldier AND get paid for it. However I suspect it will all be hushed up and kept quiet one way or another.

Cheers,
Dave.
Review By [CPTSkip] • Date [30 Apr 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Nine." from grndragon
Review:
I loved your story, it actually got me to watch the movie when it came on the other night and I laughed my ass off by the end. I wish you would have left the hookers in the end of the story though.
Comments from author:
I know the hookers were one of the best bits but there you go...something had to be cut.

Cheers,
Dave.
Review By [grndragon] • Date [30 Apr 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Nine." from MarcusRowland
Review:
Nice ending. But the 911 thing is true!
Comments from author:
Thank-you.

Dave.
Review By [MarcusRowland] • Date [29 Apr 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Seven." from (Current Donor)MaxGSandeman
Review:
The classic "lets split up". You would think Faith and Dawn would know better about Gordon, but they're in the minority.
Pity Faith didn't borrow the sword.
If Dick's lucky, his forward momentum won't let him set off the land mine.
Comments from author:
Dick's in sales not a combat vet!

It only gets worse from here.

Cheers,
Dave.
Review By [(Current Donor)MaxGSandeman] • Date [28 Apr 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Six." from (Current Donor)MaxGSandeman
Review:
Was Harris a scientist? He knows how to run a practical experiment.
Concussion can do weird things to you. Poor Jill.
Comments from author:
I think he was middle management in sales.

Yes indeed, poor Jill.

Cheers,
Dave.
Review By [(Current Donor)MaxGSandeman] • Date [27 Apr 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Six." from Ltlconf
Review:
Howdy,

Has a blade arm and can spit fire, ghastly! Shame 'bout Jill, kinda liked her. Harris was an idiot so...Darwin takes over. 'Course we still have a whole batch of mobile tidbits ta got through!
Two things are sure: Our girls need ta leave Egypt, and Faith has her work cut out for her. Gotta hate those bureaucratic foul-ups leaving demonic super-soldiers lost in the woods.
Comments from author:
Don't worry the girls will be catching the 'Night Boat from Cairo' soon. However between then and now...more blood!"

Cheers,
Dave.
Review By [Ltlconf] • Date [27 Apr 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Six." from CPTSkip
Review:
Ah! I'm back from cruising through the Panama Canal and trying to catch up to two weeks of updates. Oy! Love the Faith/Dawn relationship. As the very old saying goes, "De-nile just ain't a river in Egypt." Severance was a very odd movie and I think you are doing a good job of merging BtVS characters into the movie. I just wonder if you would be so cruel as to kill off Faith or Dawn or even both? Let the blood letting continue!

Edit: A cross with Quartermass and the Pitt would be just nifty! I always loved us being the Martians and finding their Volkswagon-y spaceship. Lol! That was a spooky movie.
Comments from author:
Kill off Dawn and Faith? How could you suggest such a thing? You know I've written the rest of the stories in this series so I'd have to do massive rewrites!!!! Of course I could be bluffing!

Yes Severence was odd, which was one of the reasons I liked it.

So you still have got a laptop or something so you can keep up with up dates while you're trapsing around the world (tuts and rolls eyes).

It has been so long since I saw QatP that I only have very vague memories of it, but what I do remember makes me think it could be a good xover. If I remember correctly a lot of the action happened in Westminster Tibe station which is only ten minutes walk away from where I live.

Cheers,
Dave.
Review By [CPTSkip] • Date [25 Apr 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Six." from Missingviolet
Review:
that was extremely cruel... eiks...
Comments from author:
Which bit in particular? More death and destruction to follow!

Cheers,
Dave.
Review By [Missingviolet] • Date [25 Apr 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Six." from Eureka
Review:
Holey sh!t. Sounds like the darn Initiative! And not the good one. The Make Adam and leave him alone to figure out what he is for Initiative.
Comments from author:
Yes typical idustrial polution. Leave super soldiers lying around for people to trip over!

Cheers,
Dave.
Review By [Eureka] • Date [25 Apr 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five." from Ltlconf
Review:
Howdy,

And the stakes climb ever higher. I like the touch of Faith not recognizin' the danger for waht it is until too late. Just 'cause her senses notice somethin' don't mean Faith knows what it is. And whatever IS out there huntin' them is everybit as good as Faith...maybe better.

Yeup, runnin' is the best option her...if Faith can get them through.
Comments from author:
Cheers, it goes 'down hill' from now on!

Dave.
Review By [Ltlconf] • Date [25 Apr 11] • Not Rated
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