its a good idea, but the dialogue was kinda lacking, an your show facts are a bit skewed... for example if Xander just returned from his road trip, Giles wouldn't be in the library because they destroyed the school before they all left for the summer.
Review By [RHatch] • Date [27 Apr 11] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Back in Sunnydale" from JediKnight
Review:
You do not seem to have all of your facts straight in this chapter; not to mention it doesn't seem to have much in it at all.
Review By [JediKnight] • Date [27 Apr 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Back in Sunnydale" from dabraning
Review:
I like the concept however, the dialoge seems a little. ........."flat" or emotionless. Not a writer myself so, I can not hope to suggest a fix but it is my feel on the story. I do like it and will be following it to the end.
Review By [dabraning] • Date [27 Apr 11] • Rating [5 out of 10]
The Snoopy dance by three mental figures is very amusing. But I do have to question if Sunnydale has enough tall buildings to swing? A visit with Joyce next? Thanks
Review By [LFW] • Date [26 Apr 11] • Rating [8 out of 10]
What the hell happened? Your grammar quality took a noise dive, and you wrote this chapter as if it was a significant amount of time after the first one.
Did someone else write this chapter?
Review By [ovid] • Date [26 Apr 11] • Rating [4 out of 10]
See's Candies, Ghiradelli, all the classic chocolate, it'll work well.
And as Xander is keeping a handle on it, hopefully the Symbiote's opinion (that it was acting out on the issues Peter himself had) will get more credence.
Review By [CrystalBlaze] • Date [26 Apr 11] • Not Rated
A bit rough and slightly out of character, especially in Xander's response to a strange voice offering him power up in his head. Still I like the idea and look forward to seeing where this story might go. The most important thing to make this story a success is to keep it going. Far to many alternate start stories like this die off after the first few chapters. Authors love to set these idea's up, but few think far enough ahead to establish a goal.
Review By [Vilkath] • Date [25 Apr 11] • Not Rated
JoeHundredaire
