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Transgressions

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Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from Lolaisawesome
Review:
Yikes. This story is very well thought out and formatted in a way that doesn't annoy me. You set up a pretty good way for the boys to meet Dawn and acknowledged that they wouldn't immdiately trust her.
But Dawn is such a goddamn Mary-Sue that I cannot read any further. Dawn's linguistic skills appeaar until she actually started studying them. Angelus didn't kidnap her, he held her hostage in the Summers' house for like 30 seconds before Buffy saved her. And Spike? Seriously? Why the hell would an evil vampire save a little girl? Because she's just so lovable even souless demons can't resist her charms?
I got enough of the whiny I'm-so-perfect-everybody-else-sucks-no-one-loves-me-Dawn from the show, thank you.
Review By [Lolaisawesome] • Date [8 Apr 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from Netchka
Review:
Cool story. I like it. Can't wait for more chapters to come.
Review By [Netchka] • Date [4 Sep 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from Zyanadryn
Review:
Great story I hope you continue it!!!!
Review By [Zyanadryn] • Date [11 Jan 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from deathgeonous
Review:
HUh, not really into Supernatural, but I'd thought I'd give this a try. Pretty good. In fact, I really think you write Dawn very well, and It's a shame that you have some many stories just left unfinished. Not like I have room to cast stones, but still, it truly is a shame. Well, thanks for writing this, bye for now.
Review By [deathgeonous] • Date [22 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from (Past Donor)GACTsevil
Review:
I find it interesting that you chose to make Dawn Connor's surrogate mom when most writers pair them up romantically. I like the way you are blending the two universes and explaining Dawn's key-ness. Can't wait to read more.
Review By [(Past Donor)GACTsevil] • Date [23 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from kaleecat
Review:
You start from an absolutely original concept, at least to me, such that I'm surprised I've not seen it before. It makes so much sense that a possible side effect to Buffy's death would be the memory magic falling apart.

I do think that Dawn is reacting much older than her age, in canon she was 14? at this point and fairly helpless. If we assume her stories about working with Tara are true, coupled with the halloween memories (tho not sure how that would work since she wasn't actually in existence when the spell happened), then the older behavior begins to be a bit more plausible.

I'm not as familiar with SPN canon, but I think you've done a really good job easing her into that universe. And I love the twist of her happening upon and saving Connor, then naming him Connor too. It brings up so many possibilities should she ever encounter her home universe again. I'm intrigued by the dreams, the floating city and forests below make me think of the Nox in Stargate SG1 but then thats my particular background, for all I know its from an anime or something. No matter, the dreams are interesting.

I look forward to seeing where this goes. The writing for Dawn in a lot of stories is hit or miss for me, with a lot of miss, but I like what you've done with her.
Review By [kaleecat] • Date [22 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from temperancenewt
Review:
This is totally excellent and kick asss. Love dawn and how you've rounded out her character. Please write more.
!!!!!
Review By [temperancenewt] • Date [21 May 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from AllenPitt
Review:
Ironic that she is raising Angel's son, after her experiences with Angelus. I like the 'Dawn background' pre spell ie memories and all that. Makes sense, same with the language prep. (I still love her dismayed reaction in S7 to translating Turkish, then "there's a translation?... ok, I'm over it"
Good idea on the journals, but she should get a PC or laptop & put them on documents (passworded of course, with backups). Easier on the hand.
Great setup, nicely woven into the SPN background now. Hm, if you want to be really evil (and you know you do!) at some point, a demon might pick Buffy's body as a perfect one to inhabit, since it's "empty". Maybe Meg? There was that ep where she left, came back with one that was brain dead or something, to keep Sam happy.
Much later, gotta wonder how Castiel & company would react to her. He'd be sure to 'see' her for what she was (whatever that is). Not to mention if she runs into Lenore -the Tara lookalike (ie Amber Benson 'good' vampire). Ouch.
I have to feel sorry for Angel on this. Hm, he might still end up running W&H if they promise him to use their resources to find Connor (ie as the hook to get him in). And imagine if they DID ... just a thought for future stories.
Review By [AllenPitt] • Date [21 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from VillageOrchid
Review:
An interesting story problem for Dawn. The world that she is in is dangerous to her. But when isn't it. I suppose she likes the fact that daily life is less interrupted by the supernatural and she might only have to actively participate during "Apocalypse" season.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [21 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from LeaFairy
Review:
WooHoo! I'm so excited that you updated so soon!! And this chapter, like the rest, was just excellent! I'm continuing to love your Dawn and her 'voice' in this. She's so.. practical, thinks so calmly/logically about everything. I love how nothing seems to faze her... At least not yet.

The surprises with Dawn already meeting Bobby and Pam along with Pastor Jim last chapter was just brilliant too... I never thought she would meet so many SN people so soon... I love it though =) I also loved Dawn first meeting with Bobby and that Pam knows 'what' she is.. well maybe not the Key part, but that she's not entirely human and that she's from another dimension. Pam figuring out and telling Dawn that Connor's a dhampir was also awesome. I was wondering how Dawn would find out and at least she now knows way before Connor's starts really growing.

Very cool too that Dawn's going to be living with Pam and helping hunters out with translating. Both ideas are brilliant and I can't wait to see Dawn working the research :) Also with them living with Pam Connor won't (along with Dawn) have to hide their more unique talents.

Great job on Dawn's backstory. I find myself fascinated by the parts about Tara and Jenny and them teaching her so much about magic, languages, etc... Adds more depth to her character.

Anyway, thanks bunches for the new chapter! I loved it to bits and I seriously can't wait to read more!!!
Review By [LeaFairy] • Date [20 May 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from littleoldme
Review:
I'm still really enjoying this, though it's odd to think that your Dawn is only 15 or 16, when she seems more like someone in their early twenties (and a mature twenty-year-old at that). I can see circumstances making her grow up fast, but I hope we get to see flashes of Dawn being a teen, too.
Review By [littleoldme] • Date [20 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from Kirallie
Review:
Great chapter!! Glad Pam clamed the guys down, I was sad when they killed her off in the show.
Review By [Kirallie] • Date [20 May 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from LeaFairy
Review:
These first two chapters have been so utterly amazing!! Your Dawn is simply incredible. I really like how resourceful and mature she is... She's pretty damn sneaky and crafty with all her half-truths too :) I also love all the twists that have happened so far-- starting with the consequences of Buffy's death and Dawn being basically erased from everyone's memories, and then her running into the situation with Connor being taken by Holtz, following them through the portal and then her killing Holtz and keeping Connor (I freaking LOVE by the way that Connor's going to have a loving parent and that Holtz is dead!!), and then her eventually ending up in the Supernatural world and meeting Pastor Jim-- All of it is made of so much awesomeness!!! I really like the whole Carmen Sandiego thing as well. Very cool and definitely convenient for Dawn and her new lifestyle :-)

I also love how detailed both chapters are. I really love all the descriptions and action and the way you write Dawn and her thoughts/feelings. All of it is really well written and it has me very much intrigued for what's going happen next with Dawn and Connor.

Anyway, this story has to be one of the most interesting I've read in awhile and I very much look forward to reading more! Thanks so much for writing!!!
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review. Yeah, I think everybody wants Connor to have a better childhood.
Review By [LeaFairy] • Date [18 May 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from Drix
Review:
Wow, this is very detailed. And extremely good. I'm looking forward to more of Dawn and Connor.
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review. I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
Review By [Drix] • Date [9 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from cwolf
Review:
Canon wise I don't know if the city exists.

But wikipedia-wise shows a Sunnyvale, California in real life.
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review.
Review By [cwolf] • Date [8 May 11] • Not Rated
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