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The New Girls

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Review of chapter "Chapter 11" from vampygal
Review:
The story has potential. But I think you need to redo what you have per some of the comments before posting more.
Review By [vampygal] • Date [17 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 11" from trongod
Review:
No offense meant, but you really need to rewrite this so that the entire meet'n greet in Sunnydale explains the Hellmouth coverage, why the girls just blithely agree to leave their homes - granted, not much there for most of them and less for Faith - then proceed to Jolly Olde for the story. Having Order personnel on the Hellmouth is /useless/ - they don't kill, they stun and capture so the authorities can release the bad guys or allow them to escape to repeat the process.

In other words, except for mad Eye, the Order is nothing. Sending them there gets them, the Scoobies, and innocents butchered.

And I see you are going with canon Mushroom!Harry And Friends - which kills people; just read the freaking books to prove that - and then you have Faith feeling a strange pull toward Remus... Tonks was bad enough, since she was well below the Half Your Age Plus 3 Years Standard for setting dating boundaries, but Faith at this point is even younger. Remus that much of a pedophile? Faith a wild child, sure, but frak me , the image is /so/ wrong!
Review By [trongod] • Date [16 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from djhardim
Review:
You've got a couple of things to deal with -

Description: Takes place right after Faith comes to -- Sunndydale -- for the first time. Before the -- Mayer --. Fred and Tara are there teenage -- selfs -- as well.

Sunnydale rather than Sunndydale.

"Before the Mayor. Fred and Tara are their teenage selves as well."

You've left a rather large plothole in the first chapter that you need to address. I doubt the Council of Watchers will be very happy.

Two hours later and lot of explaining mostly to Xander who felt very left out but did understand.

Sorry, I wouldn't understand in Xander's position. The Senior year is the worst possible time for the Scoobies to leave. Who is going to be watching the Hellmouth?
Review By [djhardim] • Date [16 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "chapter 2" from trongod
Review:
Interesting start; some minor bad word choices and redundancies, though.

The main question I have is that the Hellmouth is unguarded at this time - Xander is good, but not up to dealing with the multitude of monsters that daily run through SunnyHell, much less the ones that want to open the Hellmouth. No mention of back up for him was made, and Giles just basically says, 'OK, we'll take the two Slayers, myself with my relatively vast knowledge of magics, demons and languages and leave you here alone. Have fun, Xander; do try not to die old boy.'

A distinct W.T.F. moment there, folks...
Review By [trongod] • Date [16 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "chapter 2" from AllenPitt
Review:
Maybe a scene where Dumbledore assures them that a few members of the Order will be patrolling Sunnydale while they're away? Maybe the Council has a good relationship with the wizarding world & would readily accept someone of Dumbledore's stature if he requested use of their Slayers for a short period of time?
I'd assume Snape is not happy with Faith Black being in Hogwarts... definitely needs a scene of her at 12 G Place, meeting the portrait of her grandmother. Maybe she could also turn out to have an embarrassing middle name she's never told anyone? Not as bad as "Nymphadora" maybe but something like that? I bet Tonks would love to find out she has a cousin her own age. Also, is Faith in Sirius' will?
Comments from author:
good idea about the Order patrolling the hellmouth i wrote this years ago and its just been lying around so i figured i'd post and see how things went and im thinking of writing in Xander and Oz taking care of Angel when he gets back.
Review By [AllenPitt] • Date [16 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "chapter 2" from Wormbait
Review:
Interesting. I look forward to seeing how they all fit into the school, espescially going straight into 7th year (get ready for some intense studying girls).

Well you've got Willow, Faith, Fred and Giles there so all my favorites are covered (except Ayna).

well done and thanks for sharing, I look forward to seeing where it goes from here.
Review By [Wormbait] • Date [16 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Past Donor)ridert
Review:
Granted you said this was AU, but I can't see Xander accepting the girls, especially cordy at this point, leaving this easily. I also can't believe that the group as a whole would just go and leave Sunnydale and the Hellmouth defended only by Xander and Oz as in this timeframe Angel wouldn't be back from hell yet. all that said i do like the Scoobies go to Hogwarts stories I just think you need to do a bit more set up such as, why Willow would leave Oz without a goodbye, and are the Hellmouth and the Mayor still a threat and if so who will deal with them and how, as only a couple of examples. This all just seems a bit to rushed otherwise.
Review By [(Past Donor)ridert] • Date [16 May 11] • Rating [5 out of 10]
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