Well, I'm finally getting around to reviewing... my apologies for taking so long, but life has been hectic, and I kept forgetting...

Lucius and Quentin were great together, I hope we get more interactions of them in the future. Of course, Lucius in general was brilliant. I love how he introduced himself to everybody, so polite but also stern, in an obvious position of authority, amusing and charming, but with the hints of the powerful wizard he is, indulgent but also with clear limits.

The more we learn about Quentin, the more I like him. That part about Very, his slayer, and how he lost her, bringing chocolate, and most especially his mature attitude towards the hostility the family shows to him.

Very nice to see Marcus and Lucius together. I especially enjoyed Lucius convincing them of the necessity to check their children for magic, eminently sensible and yet not unduly harsh.

Harmony singing that song, and being a song mage, a bard like the great ones... that was absolutely brilliant. Nothing less than perfect, and I can't wait to see her learning to exercise her ability. It must be absolutely beautiful. It may not seem to be the most useful thing, especially in this martial air of the hellmouth, but its ability to heal must be invaluable.

Xander telling about his training was brilliant, mostly everyone's reactions. Now I really want to see it...

Oh, Kendra was heartbreaking. Poor girl, havign been through so much... still, at least she has the family now.

On other fronts, it seems trouble is brewing, while hope is beginning... I hope to see more soon.

It's been a wonderful read so far, keep up the good work!

I'm posting a review for chapter 7, because I'm a fanatic for research and detail, so this chapter really interested me for technical reasons too. But I've been reading a host of your stories. I had not read this one before (as I had some of your others) because whoever/OC pairings are usually a sign that the author desperately wants to write a 'Self-Insert Fic' (TV Tropes terminology) and these are almost never worth reading. This story clearly is. Bravo.

There are tiny slips that suggest you're not an American, like 'making homework' instead of 'doing homework' but your grammar and spelling are clearly better than most Americans'. The stories are well-written.

Now then, the harder part. When writing one's OC (own character) it is astonishingly hard not to overdo it. (Case in point: Ayla Goodkind, who I write for Whateley.) I like Dr. Meier and Joyce, but sometimes it seems like he is too much: too rich, too knowledgeable, too experienced, too aware of the supernatural, too versed in magic, etc. Most of the time, you do a good job of placing him into the setting instead of having him take it over, but it is still a problem, as it can be for me. (Case in point: Ayla Goodkind. When I took over the character, I nerfed his powers and refused to give him the power-ups the original author planned for the character, because it's a superhero setting and I wanted Spiderman, not The Sentry.) On the other hand, I really liked most of the first Luna Lovegood story, but I felt that the second was slowly sliding into... (I do not want to use the dreaded insult 'Mary Sue' here because I detest the use of the term, and it is horribly misused)... a situation where Luna was taking over the landscape instead of being a part thereof.

I also assume that some of the readers don't like the (apparent) bashing in some of the stories, like in the "One beautiful morning" series, where it is not apparent until very late in the series that Buffy and most of the rest of the main cast have NOT become total bitcas. That can cost a lot of readership. (Case in point: my "Cross Purposes" where a LOT of people had trouble with a couple alternate versions of some of the heroines becoming badguys, at which point some readers rejected everything else I've written.) Granted, you don't write the type of massive bashing stories that are the stock in trade of some authors, but I had stopped reading that series some time earlier because of the (apparent) bashing.

Also, the vague 'Multiple Crossings' category seems to be a general kiss of death for collecting readers. People typically have a genre they want to read, and so they skip over this category while going straight for Twilight or Supernatural or Harry Potter or Marvel or DC or whatever they're seeking. Without the COA or anything like that (the last Crossing Over Awards were like summer 2010), there is not any easy way to let people know that this is worth reading, until it has so many rec's that it is clear people already *do* know.

Good luck.

“Yes. But you will forgive me if I ask where Marcus is?” Lucius looked around as if expecting his brother to jump out at him.

“At the clinic. A girl was in an 'accident with wild dogs' and he's doing emergency reconstructive surgery on her throat and lower face,” Eliza's face and voice were bleak."

When did Marcus become a surgeon ? While I can't pin it down, I seem to vaguely remember the Kendalls had one or more extremely high-end beauty parlors. Or was Marcus's involvement more cosmetic than reconstructive ?

You show Kendra studying healing magic, but has it been determined if Kendra is a potential magic user ?

The only thing I can remember is the comment about the power inherent in the Slayer Lineage and I'm unclear if that applies to potential Slayers or only the current Slayer.

“What are we talking about here? Gandalf? Or Fflewddur Flam?”


Should we expect an oracular pig to show up ?

I feel I should mention a serious historical inaccuracy. In chapter nine you said that his ancestors owned a plantation with several thousand slaves. There was only one slave owner in the south with 1000 slaves. That person had the greatest number of slaves in the south. It simply does not make sense that Simon's relatives had over 1000. The odds of the number of slaves being 2000+ is unrealistic. I truly am trying to help. I have liked your story so far. There are a few typos that have caught my attention but the same occurs in professionally edited books, so I find that understandable. I humbly request that you adjust this. I hope that you will not be annoyed by this review. I mean to help, not to upset or harm.

It is true that the largest single slave owner had slightly over 1000 slaves (1013 if I remember corectly) which was almost twice as much as the next largest. What I intended to impart was that over the course of time, from the earliest tobacco plantations in Virginia until just before the Civil War the Meiers owned tens of thousands of slaves. I am going to leave it up for now, as I'm considering a re-write/edit of the first chapters anyway.

Not at all annoyed, attentive readers are appreciated. Thanks for reviewing

Reading some of the other reviews, it occurs to me that once Rowan gets her body she's going to have a whole flock of new problems: she will be a teenage girl in a robot body.

To take a trope from Mr Data, just how functional will her body be in sexual terms ? If fully, will she have the same restrictions as her sisters ? If not, will she become depressed again ?

Rowan's robot body is partially based on Ted's. As such she will be able to have intercourse, and possibly with the aid of magic achieve an orgasm, but she cannot bear children. There are other problems attendant to Rowan gaining a body however. She still has to deal fully with her expereinces as Moloch's prisoner.

Thanks for reviewing

And that if he has to rescue you from a trap again, he'll be very pleased?”


Should that be "if he *NEVER* has to rescue you from a trap again..." ? Why should he be pleased if he does ?

No, no definetely not. QUite written as I intended. Not one of Joyce's most shining moments... It will be revealed quite soon.

Thanks for reviewing

a Girl Scout troupe leader

Last time I looked, it was a Girl Scout "troop". "Troupe" would generally be entertainers as in "a troupe of actors" or even "a circus troupe".

Heh. Quite right, though considering what happened it fits quite well...

Thanks for reviewing

And, they could probably carpet-bomb any area they suspect of holding a sizeable wizarding population

It's a minor nit but how would Lucius, with his demonstrated lack of knowledge, know what "carpet bombing" is ? Is he picking it up from context (the name is rather graphic), or does the Wizarding World have their own equivalent ?

They have their own equivalent, Bombarda's from brooms. We shall be getting to that in Luna Lovegood and the... (next story)

Thanks for reviewing

“We'll need to test them,” Lucius mused. “Lady Willow showed no signs either, no accidental magic, nothing. And she certainly has magic to spare.”


By any chance, had her mother arranged for Willow's magic to be suppressed ?

Maybe...

Thanks for reviewing

It's great to read a new chapter and it continues to meet the standards we've come to expect from you.

The Bedell family reunion was fun and poignant; while Travers' grovelling was well deserved and welcome to read.

Reading the reviews, I'm reminded of this and your other stories backgrounds that I've forgotten. ie 'Shaggy Dog' has several new chapters I haven't read because I don't remember the story, so I'll have to reread (maybe even 'Portrait') to refresh my memory. As well, I have no clue to who 'Jimmy' is? Has any progress been made on a character reference guide, yet?? I'm feeling lost.

Thank you. I wanted to show how they arrived and were received quite differently. I have an extensive list of characters, but it is rather rough, mostly for my own use. (Minor characters, names of teachers, etc). Jimmy is James Coltec, is Kol'Tek, who can be found in the second chapter of Dum Spiro. Simon met him in the past, but he hasn't appeared as such. (And I'm not sure I'll write it.)

What are you looking for in one? Would you need Arlene? The Body guards? Or Miss Mellowes, Dawn's teacher?

thanks and Thanks for reviewing

Glad to see a new talent for the families. Good to see that all are getting along and that Marcus didn't flip out on Lucy. Just one question...when will we see Faith again, and when will they discover she is still alive?

Too bad about a hiatus...:( Hope things turn out for you.

Simon is going to laugh his head off. Marcus and Lucius were on very good terms when they parted. No doubt M. will have a choice word or two with L once he sees that Mark...

One of the reasons for the Hiatus is to write two chapters of the Faith story, and several short Highlander background pieces and at least one SGC centered story. If I don't write them, I can't get on with LS. This Universe has gotten a tad too big and involved...

Thanks for reviewing

Thank you for this chapter!

Gladly done. Thanks for reviewing