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Review of chapter "A Visit From An Old Friend" from Itwillchokeonme
Review:
It isn't bad. Just use third person all the time instead of first. I actually really liked your Buffy, I like it when people show her acting indignant like she should, I also think you should keep her hair dark. You know, new Buffy and all. She really has a right to be angry and you show that well.
Review By [Itwillchokeonme] • Date [7 Dec 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Visit From An Old Friend" from Draven
Review:
I know that you said you were stopping this story but i think it should be continued, its good. even if there are a few bad reviews from people from what i have noticed in reading the reviews is that you have a lot of support for this story and a lot of people would like it continued including me.
Review By [Draven] • Date [24 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Love at first sight...or not!" from Prettykittyd
Review:
It doesn't matter if the are characters are OOC....It's your story. I thought it was pretty good. I've seen worse out there. The point of fanfiction is that you write the characters you know and love the way you want them.

I hate people you complane about OOC, I bet most of those people don't even write their own stories. Finding a beta isn't very hard. If you need one, I could be yours. But I don't really know very much about BtVS, I stumbled onto your story because I love NCIS. So keep writing because not everyone has natural talent like yours (I wish I could write good stories).
Comments from author:
Thank you so much for your nice comment but I can't take over this for at least six months because I'm taking a few GCSEs early and I am also taking another qualification outside of school but if you will I would love to see how you do writing this story. I would help you by being your Beta and by the way I didn't think I had natural talent then and I still don't, I know quite a lot about BTVS so I could help you that way. If you are interested please e-mail me at Fudgeandkisses@gmail.com and maybe we could work something out. You sound like a very nice person and thanks for the review, and please don't feel pressured into doing anything. I'd love to get back into writing but it is just so time consuming. Thanks a lot.
Review By [Prettykittyd] • Date [25 Feb 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Visit From An Old Friend" from bradsan
Review:
awwwwwww come on give it an try.
Only one thing when Willow has secured the files, she secured the files. meaning you can't get in. So when they get in she opened it for outsiders and that would be bad because when they can read about Buffy it won't be long before everything will come out about the supernatural. Because reading about Buffy will let to the rest of them and that would be dangerous. On the other hand Ziva should know about the supernatural. and remember this is not a bad story I think it's rather good. look at the good reviews and read the bad reviews and learn from it.

Darn I really want you and not somebody else to continue this story.
Review By [bradsan] • Date [18 Feb 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Visit From An Old Friend" from bradsan
Review:
Dawn has bleu eyes, not hazel
Oh and I got this story on tracking incase you change you're mind and update.
again don't listen to bad reviews. the best stories get bad reviews. please continue

edit: I saw you were 13 when you wrote this story. Let me tell you I've read a lot of bad stories from older people and yours isn't bad at al. You were 13 and you wrote this one. consider me impressed.
Review By [bradsan] • Date [27 Jan 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Visit From An Old Friend" from TwoBlackDragons
Review:
BTW I think the reason Xander now has hazel eyes is that he sacrificed Dawn so he could have two eyes, possibly with Willow's help. If that's so I have to wonder why he's still alive, Willow too.
Review By [TwoBlackDragons] • Date [10 Sep 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A Visit From An Old Friend" from TwoBlackDragons
Review:
This is a great story badly executed but if you're just 13 then at least you have an excuse. As another reviewer said reread it doing correction as you do. Get a couple of beta readers and follow their advise. Please don't abandon the story because of some bad reviews.

More please?
Review By [TwoBlackDragons] • Date [10 Sep 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A Visit From An Old Friend" from RandomSelection
Review:
Hey,

I just wanted to say that although I agree with many of the critical points raised in your previous reviews, you shouldn't give up. I read that you're 13 years old (maybe 14 now?), and it's just natural that you don't have that much experience, both in writing and in life - it's normal, right? Problem is, your readers don't know that, and some maybe don't care: They just read your story and compare it to other fics, written by people who have 10 or 20 years of experience on you ... no wonder their feedback is harsh, don't you think? There is a lot you have to learn about writing: how to develop a plot? What is necessary, what isn't? How to stay in character?

Only way to learn that is to write, write, write! There's an old Roman saying "Nulla dies sine linea", meaning: "No day without (writing) a line". So if you want to improve, you just have to write!

My tips:

1. Never do post a text right away! Read it again after a day or two and ask yourself if you can improve it in any way.
2. Give your stories to friends who know the shows Buffy and NCIS, and ask for their opinion! And even if you don't like the response: Try and listen!
3. Try posting your stories on fanfiction.net first. The readers there seem to be younger and (generally speaking) much less critical, so you won't receive too many harsh reviews.

Keep on writing you're going to improve!

RandomSelection
Review By [RandomSelection] • Date [29 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Visit From An Old Friend" from bradsan
Review:
Screw bad reviews. Please update this story. It just starting to get interesting.
Review By [bradsan] • Date [14 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Visit From An Old Friend" from pureevil
Review:
wonder what this folder will hold and why xander was such an ass. how did dawn die and how is it xander's fault? can't wait for more, update soon please! does buffy get paired with one of the ncis guys and if so who?
Review By [pureevil] • Date [9 Jun 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Visit From An Old Friend" from darkwoofe
Review:
I'm really enjoying this so far! It's very interesting and I'm looking forward to seeing more.
Review By [darkwoofe] • Date [8 Jun 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Visit From An Old Friend" from missmushroom
Review:
this is really good!! i think the story is unfolding really well and you have to upload the next chapter very soon!!!
Review By [missmushroom] • Date [8 Jun 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A Visit From An Old Friend" from CindyB
Review:
This fic started out absolute hysterical. Each and every character was a complete douche bag. LOL! Third chappy was kinda dark and confusing though.
Comments from author:
I know this chapter was kind dark but I have to mix that in to help Buffy get over her issues, and if she doesn't realise she does, then she can't bond with the other team members, what part was confusing? Was it the flashbacks, 'cause those are going to have meaning in later chapters, but very later chapters, hope i made things clearer
Review By [CindyB] • Date [7 Jun 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Visit From An Old Friend" from clarityfades
Review:
This quickly went very out of character for most of the NCIS characters. May I suggest finding a beta who knows the show? For example, you have Gibbs yelling for no reason--he ALWAYS has a reason. & he doesn't need to raise his voice to get his point across. And why are we seeing Dawn's date with Spike? What does that have to do with this story in any way? I'm guessing you plan to tell us exactly how Dawn died, but the entire date/Spike's convo w/ Buffy about being in love with Dawn was unnecessary. All you needed was a sentence or two explaining that Spike & Dawn dated before her death & were in love. Also, what's up with Xander? I realize you may be concentrating & exaggerating his worst traits for this fic, but even as a HUGE Xander hater--this is over the top. I'm sorry, but I probably won't be reading any further. The characterizations are too off-base, there's superfluous information, meanwhile huge gaps are left in the information we should have (even if you plan on doing flashbacks), and it doesn't seem like there's a point other than Bitchy, Depressed Buffy & hating on the Scoobies AND NCIS. Good luck with your story.
Comments from author:
Thanks, you don't have to read, but please, I'm only 13 and this is my first story so, thanks for the review
Review By [clarityfades] • Date [7 Jun 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Visit From An Old Friend" from serenityselena
Review:
Xander is an idiot...
they just had to go behind her back, didn`t they?
I wonder what they will manage to find...
Comments from author:
Something good, need to keep you all interested, don't I?
Review By [serenityselena] • Date [7 Jun 11] • Not Rated
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