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The Devil of Sunnydale Elementary

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Review of chapter "How to solve a problem like Kit Holburn" from Grovtech
I found myself crying too! Poor Dawn did the right thing which was also the wrong thing. Things are rarely black and white or simple. You did a very good job of bringing that out. Well done!
Comments from author:
Thanks. I must admit that I'm very fond of this story. Though I know it isn't everybody's cup of tea. Glad you enjoyed it, sad though it is.

Thanks and thanks for reviewing
Review By [Grovtech] • Date [4 Oct 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "How to solve a problem like Kit Holburn" from Zeviz
ouch That's not the revelation I expected when I saw the warning. This was a very good story, although the explanation turned out to be quite a bit darker than I expected.
Comments from author:
Well I couldn't give away everything now could I? But yes, it's dark. Not as dark as some of the ideas I had, but pretty dark.

Glad you liked it in spite of that.

Thanks and thanks for reviewing
Review By [Zeviz] • Date [31 Aug 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "How to solve a problem like Kit Holburn" from SilverWave
Read this a few days ago and forgot to review :-0

Nicely fills in some of the plot.

Cheers :-)
Comments from author:
Glad you liked it. I should increase the warnings on when to read this maybe...

Thanks and thanks for reviewing
Review By [SilverWave] • Date [30 Jan 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "How to solve a problem like Kit Holburn" from Chaoskitten
You made me cry ;-;

I love you (platonically, as a writer).

I'm only part way through but..... are you at all familiar with Nathaniel Grayson (Anita Blake, vampire hunter character). I double dare you to save him (and maybe Nicky) from a Buffy verse version of their past (unless you don't want to which is cool too) (I totally want to see controlled shifters/ shifting as a witch power)
Comments from author:
I fear that was the intention of this story, to see if I could do that.

I am aware of it, but I fear that I do not enjoy them very much, or know enough to write a cross with it. Sorry. (Also I have a boatload of crosses in LS already, probably too many to juggle properly)

Thanks and thanks for reviewing
Review By [Chaoskitten] • Date [11 Nov 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "How to solve a problem like Kit Holburn" from (Current Donor)Sulien
Geez, you are KILLIN' ME here! I really liked both Kit and Carlos from the first episode of season 7 and was quite annoyed when that was the last we saw of them in the series. When I saw what you were doing here, I expected something similar (it was obvious she was only taking what she truly needed...good husbandry, indeed). And Kit's hunting style and her actions at school very much reminded me of a leopard; was that intentional? If so, it was brilliant. But that little twist at the end...yeah, I'm just so very glad that Kit is going to be taken in by the whole Summers clan.

As you've likely noticed, I generally don't give stories a number rating, but this one gets a 10. I noticed "The Devil of Sunnydale Elementary" hasn't been put up for awards, but it should have been and it should have won.

And this story is seriously cutting into my sleep at the moment, but I really don't give a frell, because I want to read and make sure Kit gets settled in. Brilliant writing, thank you for sharing!
Comments from author:
Not literaly I hope? I liked them too. Carlos has nice parents, who'll take good care of him now that they both have jobs again. (Another benefit of Meier Inc is a greaty surge in various employment around Sunnydale)

I did see Kit as a cat, for a bit, but more as a Native American hunter, taking only what was needed. The stalking was cat-inspired though.

Kit will be a worthy addition to the Family. As will several others.

Regrettably the Awards seem to be a bit dead. I do hope that some of my work will be nominated when they are revived.

Sorry about that. I have the same with some stories I read on here. Kit will settle in, but it will take some time.

Thanks and thanks for reviewing
Review By [(Current Donor)Sulien] • Date [16 Sep 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Satan's Godchild" from unicornzvi
Given your warning in chapter 39 of Lonely Souls to read this story first, and how much I enjoyed that story I really tried to read this story, unfortunately I couldn't.

While there are certainly ways to make a pre-teen girl who challenges a bully only to give in after a single hit believable having our introduction to that girl (in this series) be her having gotten badly bruised and scraped while fighting off (successfully) three other kids is not one of them.
The characterization of Dawn only seems to get worse from there and by worse I mean contradicts what I read earlier in the series, not necessarily bad in and of itself.

Edit in response to the Author:
1) "The difference between Fiction and real life is that fiction has to make sense"
2)the problem is the attack on Dawn did not seem hard, not at least in comparison with the fight she got in in "Stranger at the Gate". With out that initial introduction this story would have been much more believable.
Comments from author:
I can understand your point but strangely enough I've seen something very close to what you comment upon happen in 'Real life'at least three times, once as a pupil, twice as a teacher. It took us a year as teachers to break up a particularly nasty bullying ring that functioned by taking down the victims swiftly and hard. After that, most lacked the courage to try again.

And these were kids who weren't afraid to stand up for themselves I assure you. The human psyche is a strange thing.

The reason why I hope people read it is for the denouement at the end. It gets mentioned in LS, but is better read here.

Thanks for reviewing
Review By [unicornzvi] • Date [8 Jul 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "How to solve a problem like Kit Holburn" from (Recent Donor)tchizek
Oh wow, what a great story.

I love this series so much, thank you!
Comments from author:
Thank you. Of all the shorts, this is my favourite.

Thanks for reviewing
Review By [(Recent Donor)tchizek] • Date [10 Jun 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "How to solve a problem like Kit Holburn" from (Current Donor)vladt
excellent read, thank you.
Comments from author:
Glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing
Review By [(Current Donor)vladt] • Date [10 May 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "How to solve a problem like Kit Holburn" from (Past Donor)James
Beautiful story.

Dawn, almost, is a Mary Sue. She tends to come up with things that a typical 10 year old doesn't. Macbeth comes to mind.

However, I am loving how you are outing flesh on the false memories.

Comments from author:
Thank you. Dawn is a very clever, rather bookish young girl. I was aware of the first scene of MacBeth at age ten myself, having seen it in Dutch. She also has all those spy-ish habits...

Thanks for reviewing
Review By [(Past Donor)James] • Date [27 Feb 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "How to solve a problem like Kit Holburn" from BrownFinderth
Very good back story!!! It was an important part of the story presented here and I appreciated it.
Comments from author:
Thank you. It's one of my favourite side stories.Thanks for reviewing
Review By [BrownFinderth] • Date [7 Feb 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "How to solve a problem like Kit Holburn" from RebeccaAshling
Child on child violence is always disturbing and it's really appalling how it's tolerated or plain ignored. If I were to attack another adult and steal or damage their property, it would be a police matter. No question of it. Plus kids tend to have less of a sense of proportion than adults do and can really go overboard. It's good that you make all this clear in your story.
Comments from author:
It is, isn't it? It's one reason I wanted this especially to be a seperate story. I feel it has more impact that way.

Thanks for reviewing
Review By [RebeccaAshling] • Date [5 Feb 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "How to solve a problem like Kit Holburn" from maxthehobbit
I haven't read any story in this series except this one. I was in the mood for some funny Dawn action. Not many stories about Dawn on the net, I think I've read them all except the one-shot not worth reading kind.

This story is much different than any Dawn story I've read. I like Dawn stories because they are usually about a teenager trying to be an adult, but fails miserably and fun ensues. I was not expecting such a serious story about Dawn, born at 14, but is a ten year old in this story.

It was sort of a give-away when it was mentioned that she had dirty hair and scruffy clothes early in the story ... meaning she wasn't stealing lunch money just to be mean.

Then it turned into an almost 'Lord of the Flies' thing when the kids starting beating on Kit to the point of breaking bones and causing severe internal damage.

I never saw the part about her Mother becoming a Vamp, then Kit having to kill her own Mother ... and a vamp is supposed to be abnormally strong, but killed by a ten year old ... a little unreal.

I normally hate emotional sissy/girly stories, but this one snuck up on me and before I knew it I had to hold back tears ... and I'm almost six foot tall and 180 pounds. This is one of the very best short stories I've ever read, very well done.

Thanks for posting it and I'm gonna take a look at this series. if the other stories are only half as good they'll still rate an A+.
Comments from author:
Thank you. I like filling in the blanks in Dawn's history. I wanted to show that Sunnydale is a place that needs help of many kinds, this just being one.

Kit killed her vamp-mother in much the same way that Xander killed Jesse: by accident. Ordinarily she would have failed, but this was sheer luck. I may write the scene one day, I don't know. I tried to, but failed.

As I'm almost six foot five and close to 200 lbs, there is no shame. ;-) Thank you very much for the compliments and I hope that you like the other stories in the series.

Thanks for reviewing, glad you enjoyed it.
Review By [maxthehobbit] • Date [29 Jan 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "How to solve a problem like Kit Holburn" from shazamfan
Wow! Hit the part in Lonely that says to read this one first and man did you get me all choked up by the end. Dawn forming her own little army to deal with a bully was a nice touch as was said army spinning out of control. Then a few clues about 'Mom' up and vanishing from Kit's life tipped me that she got made a vamp and Kit somehow knew this...but NEVER..NEVER in my wildest mind would I have thought she had to destroy the vampire wearing her mom's body.

Even writing this review up that still gets me a tad misty eyed at the poor girl's lot in life and look forward to reading more about her as I jump back into Lonely with both feet!



Liking Harm's little sibs a whole lot. Dawn seems to have formed...well her own junior Cordette Squard...but one that is on the side of 'good'. Hope to see more of the Dawnettes!
Comments from author:
Glad you took a break and read Devil. It really does read better as a stand alone I think. I must admit I'm still not entirely sure how that story developed quite the way it did, at first Kit was supposed to be a neglected child of an abusive mother, then it became this. I'm glad you liked it. And I'm glad you like Lonely Souls. I hope you'll read the other stories as well, they do complement the whole.

I like Felicity and Melody as well, they were, and are quite fun to write. The Dawnettes will make additional appearances, yup.

Thanks and thanks for reviewing
Review By [shazamfan] • Date [15 Dec 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "How to solve a problem like Kit Holburn" from Meneldur
Wow. That was... just... wow. So powerful, so evocative. Excellent story. This was an amazing way of bringing someone else inside. I love how Kit was very tactical and fair, just taking what she needed, and doing it equally, She was so broken, and she's only ten! But now she'll get better, I hope .
I also liked Dawn's tactics and pact. I find it interesting that she chose a unifying and defensive tactic rather than an offensive one. Of course, most likely an older child would have thought to use a psychological tactic, and find out why Kit was doing something so specific, but even so, it was quite impressive.
Beautiful piece of work, with some room for Dawn to shine. Just one last comment: If Simon is the very model of a modern major general, with so many daughters, does that mean his youngest will get married to a pirate?
Comments from author:
Thank you. I do hope Kit will get better. I felt qutie bad for all the things I put her through. I would feel even worse if ruined her. Both Kit and Dawn are very intelligent, but both are also only ten years old. They make mistakes due to that. An adult who'd cared enough to listen and look might have been more able to help.

I wanted to give Dawn a moment in the spotlight, this seemed to work pretty well. I doubt Simon claims knowledge of all things mineral... ;-) Thanks for reviewing
Review By [Meneldur] • Date [15 Nov 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "How to solve a problem like Kit Holburn" from CaptainMal
Since you asked for a review, here I am :P I was going to do this a few days ago, but.... I forgot.

It's been a while since I actually read this, so this won't be as detailed a review as you were possibly hoping, but the story just isn't fresh in my mind right now. Anyway, I definately enjoyed it, which is the crucial point obviously. Sadly I read a chapter too far in lonely souls and ruined the reveal about Kit's mum, which kinda took away from my enjoyment of the last chapter, but that's my own fault.

I have to admit having the kids gang up on Kit, while understandable, was a little disturbing. Having said that, kids can be cruel at times and Kit hadn't exactly been nice to them either so...

Anyway like I said I enjoyed it, and it made me feel very sorry for Kit, and glad that she was taken in by Joyce.

Side note- I really need to stop reviewing at 3am.
Comments from author:
Thanks and no problem. I shall add a large warning not to read this story until the appropriate time, that may help to preserve the big reveal.

And they live on the Hellmouth. Everybody is just a little bit nastier... And making you feel sorry for poor Kit was of course, the intent.

THanks for reviewing, even at 3am. ;-)
Review By [CaptainMal] • Date [11 Oct 11] • Not Rated
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