Review of chapter "Chapter One" from mmooch
Here's a question - and maybe you'll answer it later - but if Dawn could create portals between the dimensions, had an amulet for Spike to return to the AB'verse, and a journal explaining her life...why didn't she go back to tell her sister that she was okay, happy, etc? In all that time, didn't she think that her friends and family would be worried she was suffering? Didn't anybody else in her perfect new life consider that? You say the BtVS - except for Spike (who also took part in the spell) - were selfish and inconsiderate, but Dawn sounds just as bad, if not worse to me, because she had the ability to go back and didn't.
Comments from author:
Nice catch!!!! Unfortunately the answer is..it is explained in a later part. BUT I will let you know that it was do to magic and something left in the AB'verse that let her open the portal. Oh and "I" never said that the Scoobies were necessarily wrong, Dawn's reaction and Spike's invite will both be explained later in the series. I do think that the Scoobies should have tried to find out if Dawn's life was different, and better, it's an allegory for when they ripped Buffy out of heaven. The Scoobies also got some bonuses that will be explained later in the series!
Review By [mmooch
] • Date [3 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from tals
Gotta say that I'm disappointed by the ending of this story. You have a well written, and intriguing plot-line, which had a lot of potential - Dawn's experiences in the AB verse, her relationship with Asher, Asher's reaction to being healed, Dawn growing up, The Scoobies reaction to the older Dawn, etc. A lot of plot lines which are hinted at, and could make for a really interesting, and satisfying story arc, or, conversely a multi-chaptered story.
My Disappointment stems from the fact, that you use all of this potential to say; "look how reckless and stupid the Scoobies are!" and then proceed to punish them for it by introducing AB demons. It doesn't, in my opinion, fulfil the potential of the story. It isn't that they didn't make a mistake - you very astutely mention that they should have checked before pulling Dawn back into their universe. It isn't that there shouldn't be consequences (or even the exact consequences you mention in the story). It's just that you end it there. There is no room for redemption. No place for forgiveness or reconciliation or reflection.
Only Spike is spared the implied condemnation, and frankly, after having not seen him for that long, it seems out of character for Dawn to ask him to join her and Asher's relationship. Anyhow, I mention these critiques because the premise of the fic is so strong and intriguing, and I think there is really something here.
Thanks for sharing.
Comments from author:
Thanks for the feed back!! The problem lies in the fact that until more than one story is up you can't see it's a series, I should have put that at the top of the story, I will correct that now. This is actually written for the fic-a-day challenge and this is only the first part of the series, which should last the whole month.
There is a particular reason Spike was both spared and why Dawn asked him to come to the AB world.
There will be room for redemption, though I will warn you not all will take the steps to reach it.
Oh and not all the beings that crossed over to the Buffy'verse are bad/evil, some are just troublesome and some are white hat types, or at least gray hat types.
I hope you enjoy the installment tomorrow!!
Review By [tals
] • Date [2 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from JasonBarnett
yes, Dawn's sure entitled to yell at the Scoobies about things like that.
Review By [JasonBarnett
] • Date [1 Aug 11] • Not Rated