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Compromised

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Review of chapter "Compromised" from goldengeisha
Review:
Fabulously done. I get that this is a snaphot so to speak of Daniel as a vampire. I don't think it's unusual for Daniel to maintain his self-discipline and focus when he became a vampire. I thought Daniel was brilliantly evil and that he is more than a match for Buffy and Angel and their minions. He is a learned man and has been helping to thwart foes with millenias of experience and megalomaniacal tendencies thus he would be more than suited to some teenage quips and puns and a little stronger than human.

Now if humans were starved then they may not be as focused but on the other hand starving vampires would foster a single-minded desperate need for blood that would not be denied especially against two non-fighters and one cocky slayer. Daniel hs been watching them -he knows their weaknesses. That sense of invincibility of the young and taking her calling for granted. he cornered them in an alley (chose his ground), outnumbered them and was active not reactive. (Sidenote you can be much stronger but there 's a point when you plateau, muscles cramp and adrenalin runs out too) Buffy also has two handicaps when it comes down to just fists and fangs and all-out fighting. Also he's not cocky he had back-up (cannon fodder which probably would have just attacked them en masse like a ravening horde if Angel hadn't intervened) knew when to retreat and regroup.

I wouldn't turn Willow, Sam or the Slayer either. They'd eventually overpower and turn on him.

I would like to see more of this. Jack and Daniel, scourges of the galaxy--Hmmm. Wonder if they can be snaked now or how those sarcophagi would or could work on BTVS vamps?
Review By [goldengeisha] • Date [28 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Compromised" from Xovervore
Review:
There is a canon AR story where Willow, Xander and Buffy are killed; so this one in which that also happens (plus it's also a crossover) shouldn't be so unsettling. Why is this so? Firstly, this seems more like it's the canon setting itself (even though it is obviously not), not a clearly temporary alternate setting. Secondly, this has a nasty-seeming to it. From your stories and profile it can be seen that your favourite is Willow, whom you killed, so it seems fair enough that we Buffy lovers accept you killing her too (& the Xanderphiles too with Xander). I think it has also to do with the 'negligent' way you killed them - they simply died 'off-screen' without resistance or any detail of how they were defeated (similarly for SG1 members).

As a short 'what if' scenario this is powerful & good (especially as it would have been written as a quick response to a challenge), but if it was a fully developed story there are several issues that you would have to deal with - Daniel's recruitment speed seems too rapid, Scoobies lack of response to an obviously major threat; where is Giles? How did SG1 find Daniel so quickly (or vice versa)? Daniel is actually unlikely to get far within SGC - people there can't be simply killed or disappeared without it quickly being noticed and counteraction occurring.

This is upsetting story, not so much because the canon characters are killed (from both franchises), but because of the easy, casual way they are killed.
Yours is a powerful short story, and what I have tried to do in response is attempt to explore why it produces a negative intuitive response in its readers. It is also because most of the characters are treated as cyphers - simply names that something happens to without the character actually appearing (eg Sam and Teal'c).
Comments from author:
Wow, thanks for the insightful review. Yes, you're right in that Willow is my favourite character, I had wanted to have her as a vampire but I figured that Daniel wouldn't want the compitition (She would probably set him on fire, or something).

I know my fic wasn't exactly descriptive, but I was working with a word-limit; it didn't worry me too much because I'm going to, most likely, turn it into a small series- prequels and sequels; there will be more insight in to what happened.

Thanks, I was going for 'powerful' :) I'd actually been thinking about writing it for a while, I didn't have the inspiration until I responded to the challenge; the speed at which Daniel gained his numbers will be addressed.

I know it didn't seem like they were working too much on the threat, but the fic was from Daniel's POV and therefore would have been glossed over- for a number of reasons.

Also, to the question of SG1 finding Daniel so quickly; Daniel would have told them where he was going, even if he wanted to go solo for a while. But if you mean, how did they know where he was exactly, then I'd say that Daniel probably would have got to them first; after all, he did have a number of vamps on his side to gather intel.

'Daniel is actually unlikely to get far within the SGC-'- I figured that because there was no body for someone to find and, therefore, to alert the police, then it wouldn't be noticed straight away that Daniel had gone missing (remember, this is Sunnydale, the police are incompetant); also his team would know that Daniel would probably want his mind to any place but with the SGC, so they wouldn't have called him too much- although, eventually, they would have done if they hadn't decided to actually travel to Sunnydale instead.

I kinda guessed that the fic would have mixed reactions once I posted it, and I can see where you're coming from; the story will be expanded through different POVs and through the timeline between Daniel's leaving and the deaths of the Scoobies and SG1.

Thanks again for the review :)
Review By [Xovervore] • Date [5 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Compromised" from Hecatonchires
Review:
I liked dark!Daniel. With all his languages, I thought he would have been knocking off prophecies left and right.
Comments from author:
Dark!Daniel is an idea I'm going to like exploring. At some point he will utilize those languages :)

Thanks for reviewing!
Review By [Hecatonchires] • Date [4 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Compromised" from draconis
Review:
Definitely a different perspective. Kudos.
I had trouble with your depicting Jackson having such amazing self-control when other vamps don't, but it was a "quickie" story. You'd likely have to add at least another chapter to adequately justify/qualify his superior control as a fledgling.

By the way, the fact you made it a "quickie" and not a "longie"* for us SG and BVS fans makes me feel SO cheap.

Suggested alternate title: "A Throathold Situation"...or maybe just "Throathold"....or not.




*ref: Love At First Bite,
"With you, never a quickie. Always a longie."

edit: only to add "Throathold" as alternate suggested title, in keeping with one-word style "Compromised".
Comments from author:
Thanks :)

"You'd likely have to add at least another chapter to adequately justify/qualify his superior control as a fledgling."-- I am going to expand on the story, perhaps as another 'august fic a day response' but I'm moving within another week or so and won't have an internet connection for about a month or two, however I will write one out afterwards if I haven't already done so by then.

Thanks for the review!
Review By [draconis] • Date [4 Aug 11] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Compromised" from kaleecat
Review:
There are moments that could have been expanded a bit but I know you were working in a word limit.

This is creepy, and quite a bit chilling. There hasn't been much canon evidence, that I recall, as to how much of the victim's knowledge & intelligence are kept upon turning. I suspect it relates to how much sire's blood is consumed. Daniel makes a rather terrifying vampire, but with special ops/military trained Jack at his side...Yikes. Both of these men have much more military, battle, cultural and ambush experience than Buffy or the gang. I have no problem believing that given the time they could amass the forces to destroy the gang. I got cold chills at the end. (i hate the idea of hammond dying though).
Comments from author:
There will be a companion or sequel fic at some point, so i will expand it eventually.

My main aim was to creep people out :)

I know, poor Hammond; i like his character

Thanks for reviewing, and for the rec!
Review By [kaleecat] • Date [4 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Compromised" from kweishaar
Review:
Actually, I'd love to hear about what Daniel and Jack would do as vampires, with the whole galaxy to play in. I was just thinking that a sequel to this could be really cool and go in a lot of directions.

There were some parts about how Daniel defeated Buffy and the rest that felt glossed over and Teal'c and Sam's fate, I'd love to read another POV on this one... but really it's a great idea, and opens up a lot of possibilities.

Good job :)
Comments from author:
I am planning to right a sequel sometime, and that one will have another person's POV; maybe two actually, having only one is a little restrictive :)

Thanks :)
Review By [kweishaar] • Date [3 Aug 11] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Compromised" from (Current Donor)WildMartin
Review:
Very well-written yet I have to agree with the 1st reviewer...creepy. Vampire Daniel and Jack is just too scary a thought.
Comments from author:
Thanks!

'Scary' is right :)
Review By [(Current Donor)WildMartin] • Date [3 Aug 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Compromised" from (Recent Donor)DeacBlue
Review:
The mechanics on this are okay. Spelling and grammar are more than fine, pacing was well-done.

Characterization wasn't horrible - mostly because almost none was attempted.

The issues were with plot points and canon facts.

First, if simply overwhelming with numbers would work, it would have been tried before - and been tried with Buffy once she proved better than the average Slayer. I suspect that only so many can get into range of her at once. In addition, starving them makes them less susceptable to control, not more. They'd wander off for easier meals. Or if you're positing that they would not, then Daniel wouldn't have been able to dust his sire.

As well, the Scoobies, at this point, are quite aware of what they're doing. They know when the going gets tough enough to run. You have them staying until the end, and providing an unneeded distraction to Buffy and Angel.

Really, both groups are about equally intelligent. SG-1's maturity is balanced out by the Scoobies' home field advantage. Having a newbie (which is what Jack was) suddenly sneak up on the Scoobies doesn't happen, and they have defenses against such things. They have crosses to ward off vamps. They have holy water to do damage to those that get too close. Willow, for all that she's just starting during this time, can float a pencil and defend herself.

Oh, yeah, where is Daniel getting all of these vamps to overwhelm the Slayer's defenses? Especially after he lost so many on the first attack. Do you expect him to lose massive amounts of blood that he has little way to replace, just so that he can have a few more henchmen early? And these are going to all be fledges. No matter how good they were alive, they'll be little more than feeding machines for a few years, easily dealt with by the Slayer.

If Daniel were that much of a problem, the Mayor would have taken care of him. At this point, it is his town, as far as the demonic goes. All you've shown is brute-force thinking by Daniel. The Mayor can easily handle that.

Finally, if this were going to be such a crushing defeat for the Scoobies, why didn't TPTB send a Slayer dream to Buffy? The outcome the way that you wrote this will not be even close to keeping the balance.

Summing it all up, the mechanics of how you wrote this was okay, the characters needed fleshing out and support, and the plot needs major help to patch the holes up.
Comments from author:
First of all, thanks for the compliments about my spelling, grammar and pacing; it mostly turned out the way I wanted it to.

Second of all, I understand that the characterizations are a little flawed; writing SG1 as vampires was something I found a little difficult. Also, I was only writing from Daniel's POV, not the others.

Also, the comment about the vampires' level of control would have been warranted had Daniel actually cared about their control, but as I (or he, anyway) pointed out earlier in the story he was only using them as cannon fodder.

The vampires' lack of rebellion towards Daniel could be chalked up to the fact that, off-screen, they would have witnessed what happened to those who did (not saying that Daniel would have dusted them).

I think the only time they'd actually ran away from an enemy was when Glory came to town, and she was a hell god. Anyway, they wouldn't leave Buffy and Angel to take care of it- at least not without a fight- if they were inclined to run then none of them would have stayed in Sunnydale after graduating. Plus, who's to say that they didn't TRY to leave?- if Buffy HAD actually managed to convince them go (which would waste time).

I only wrote snapshots of what had happened, but if I ever did expand on this I would imply that the groups never got the chance to work together. I didn't actually think that the vamps would have been able to sneak up on them, I never said that they HAD been.

To the subject of Willow's magical ability, I don't think that she would have been mentally able to control her magic to such an extent; she'd only just started out, as you said, plus the situation was hardly a condition for emotional and magical control- one little vamp yes, but not a group of them.

Also, as I wrote; that the vamps that he'd brought were only a fraction of the number he actually had- also, most of those vamps that Daniel HAD brought would have fled when Daniel ordered them to (he may have intended to use them as cannon fodder but he'd not stupid enough to not keep some by for another attack).

If you're refering to SG1 as the 'feeding machines' well, the only member of SG1 turned was Jack.

The balance is being kept, the Slayer line is still active- Buffy's technically not the actual Slayer anymore, not in the sense that another Slayer would be called if she were to die. How do you think the Scoobies foudn out about Daniel, the PTB did send her a dream; I just hadn't wrote it into the story- maybe I should made it a little less subtle.

If the PTB thought that keeping a Slayer alive would keep the balance then I'd want to know why they allowed thousands of others to die before Buffy- none of their deaths upset the balance because another Slayer came along- that's how it works.

'All you've shown is brute-force thinking by Daniel'- I know it wasn't exactly a detailed story of what happened but keep in mind that there is a 3,000 word limit; it couldn't be that long of a story.

To point about the Mayor, why wouldn't Daniel have been his ally? I think it would be plausible, in the right circumstances, that they would have an alliances of sorts to offset any negativities.

After all, the Mayor wants the Slayer and her friends dead, right?

Taking your comments onboard, if I have the time and inspiration to write a more-detailed sequel to this story, then I will tie up some of the loose ends; but this is a ficlet/short story (and it IS a short story).

Thanks for the constructive critisism, and for bringing up the good points of the fic :)
Review By [(Recent Donor)DeacBlue] • Date [3 Aug 11] • Rating [6 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Compromised" from ShalaDakiri
Review:
Creepy.

I'm not even sure what to say except that I don't want to ever hear details about what the vampire version of SG-1 might do.
Comments from author:
Thanks!

The creep factor was accomplished :)

Actually, I don't think I'd want to know either
Review By [ShalaDakiri] • Date [3 Aug 11] • Not Rated
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