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The Sunnydale Chronicles: A Gallus Drake Novel

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Review of chapter "The Initiative: Part 3" from Inoeth
Although overall I have truly enjoyed this story, I feel like a couple things have been a bit unrealistic even for the Buffy -Verse.

First of all, during the fear demon section, you said that around half of the population of the entire town had been killed and quite a lot of the town had been destroyed. Even with the "Sunnydale effect" of being able to ignore just about everything, the national news and government would take note of that much death and destruction and it would have been a WAY bigger deal than you made it out to be.

Second of all, in cannon BtVS, The Innitiative lost very few soldiers until the very end with Adam and only then was it completely shut down. I would argue that the military would have far more oversight over losing so many soldiers in such horrible ways and that the Innitiative could not get away with having such an insanely high casualty rate without being found out by those "higher up" and eventually shutting down the entire thing, or at least changing the Innitiative from one of investigation to one of kill all demons/paranormal. Maggie Walsh WOULD lose her job and probably go to jail over what she did/is still doing.

Finally, I know you wanted to turn Gallus into the 'bad guy', but it seemed rather sudden and odd that you would go from having Gallus as a respected if not liked part of the group to the bad guy so quickly when just a couple of chapters ago you wrote about how Gallus had resolved himself to work with Buffy and the group and had come to far more of an understanding. I just don't think you did a very good job of writing his transition into the bad guy.

Also, minor nitpick- Nowhere in the story did you have the Scoobies or Gallus/Faith actually find out who the Innitiative are, where they are based, etc...

I will say that you have done an excellent job overall of showing the various characters as very true to their nature (ie, how you have portrayed someone like Buffy, Faith, Giles etc. has been really well done.) I will also add that I really like how you've taken the overall plot of the Buffy -verse and made it your own in a darker way. Keep up the good work, I look forward to finishing this story when I get a chance and reading your other work (although I do hope you fix those plotholes)
Comments from author:
FEAR DEMON ANSWER: Unrealistic? Yes. Did I get away with it? Until now, yes. Sorry, that's all I've got. I was still getting into the feel of Buffy when I wrote that. I hadn't even finished watching Angel.

ANSWER INITIATIVE: I disagree completely with your assessment of the Initiative. They were the most ridiculously incompetent military organization I have ever seen in any setting, and I can TOTALLY believe that the Initiative higher-ups would just do a cover-up to hide their incompetence. Though, to be fair, I HAD initially planned for an arc that dealt with Gallus being hunted by government assassins, but quickly got bored with the idea. Too much non-sci/fi fantasy for my tastes.

GALLUS ANSWER: *Sigh*. At the time of writing this, I had *just* suffered a severe head injury. Seriously, I'm not kidding. I fell down a flight of stairs and got a serious fucking concussion. I spent a while in the hospital, and I have some other prior conditions that were heavily exacerbated by this incident, one of those being short-term memory difficulties. The result was that, between chapter sixteen and chapter thirty two, a LOT of plot points were forgotten. The Initiative arc was supposed to be, like, five chapters longer. I suffered no permanent damage, thankfully (I think, but if anything happens, it'll be a stroke when I'm fifty, or something like that,) but the story suffered greatly during those months. Which is ironic, because the story was a huge help in dealing with my stress about, you know, almost dying. Gallus' transition was partially a metaphor for me going from a smart, competent student to nearly failing an entire semester (It was intentionally a metaphor, I'm not psychoanalyzing myself).
This isn't a 'pity me, feel bad' speech, by the way, I'm just explaining WHY it seems to take that sudden shift. You made a legitimate point, and you deserve a legitimate answer.
I'll finish Sunnydale eventually, and possibly, maybe, do some rewriting, but I'm going to be working on Ascendant Sun, Burning Moon for the foreseeable future. One of the reasons Sunnydale took such a dark turn is that I equate it with a very dark period in my life. I wouldn't necessarily change anything, because some of my best work stems from that darkness, and it will always be something I can draw on for material.
But, seriously, you've gotta admit: It's a fucking depressing story.
Review By [Inoeth] • Date [5 Oct 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Angelic Manuvers" from plume
I'm at the end and I'm wondering exactly what happened to both Anya and Xander.

We last saw Anya at the insane asylum after Faith/Gallus took down a demon-doctor and rescued her from a padded room where she cowered from the 'demon bunnies'.

We last saw Xander when Buffy and company saved him from Emily. Emily didn't actually get him... so what exactly happened to Xander? Willow spends an introspective scene wishing he was around in an earlier chapter... and I wondered where is he?

Other than that, story has kept me interested. Good job.
Comments from author:
I'm pretty sure I wrote that in a scene with Gallus, but it was a short scene. IF I haven't gotten to that yet, I'll deal with it in the next chapter. In the mean time, I'll give you the short-version: Xander got mind-raped by a Greater Daemon of Chaos. He's in a coma, because his mind couldn't cope with the knowledge of what Emily actually was, and what her existence meant. Anya will be dealt with, eventually. I, uh...I forgot about her plot point. I'll deal with it later in the story.
Review By [plume] • Date [24 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Angelic Manuvers" from AbscondingCascade
There is only one word to describe you my friend, genius! Superlative as always, Words cannot describe how happy I am to see you back in the saddle. Now due to perusing another fanfic on another site for a few days I didn't see this till today so in thanks I give you some music - - and the offer to something I've been working on.

If you want I can email you the non beta version of an original story that I'm waiting for my sister to beta read; its an exercise in fun rather than being as dedicated to it as I am to my novel. Hopefully it'll entertain when I post it online but you can have the opening night seats to it if you want.
Comments from author:
Sure, I'd love to read it!
Review By [AbscondingCascade] • Date [23 May 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Glorious Continuations" from plume
In the Initiative arc, Graham is brutally beaten/hospitalized by Gallus, and then in the next chapter is leading troops two days later.

Also at the end of Initiative Arc, you described how the Willow/Tara combo slagged the Hellpistol, yet in this current chapter, Gallus has another one.

While I'm generally enjoying the story, plot holes like these are annoying.
Comments from author:
Shit, my bad. Graham got beaten up, Forrest was supposed to lead the attack. The description was Forrest, but I messed up with the name. Sorry.

Actually, Gallus had run out of charge for the Hellpistol before that. Willow and Tara destroyed his 9mm. I reread it, and I can see that I worded it somewhat poorly. For future reference, I always specify when Gallus is using the Hellpistol. If I don't, then it's probably his 9mm, unless O describe it as an energy weapon. In that case, I just messed up.
Review By [plume] • Date [23 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Angelic Manuvers" from (Current Donor)Tempi
Hmm, it looks like serious trouble for Cordy and Fred, since Team Sunnydale is currently a bit down for the weather after their Genestealer encounters. Excellent new chapter btw. I look forward to reading more.
Comments from author:
That's...a bit of an understatement.
Review By [(Current Donor)Tempi] • Date [20 May 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Angelic Reunions" from AbscondingCascade
Sorry I didn't review yesterday, but it was rhyming review day and my rhymes are considered a memetic kill agent by all the ragged, burnt, blasted and irradiated survivors of them. Not even the butterflies survived and they require either Chlorine trifluoride to normally kill them, extreme amounts of explosives or a high level mystical effect.

Anyway, this continues to be brilliant. An excellent cliffhanger at the end of that chapter, so in thanks a song which describes what may be the result of said cliffhanger -
Review By [AbscondingCascade] • Date [15 Mar 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Angelic Reunions" from tomfo
Ya know, I agree with you, by the standards of the Imperium Gallus is probably pretty normal. Which goes to show how screwed up that realm is, while by todays standards he is a batshit crazy religious invader. Keep up the good work.
Comments from author:
I shall, and thanks.
Review By [tomfo] • Date [14 Mar 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Angelic Reunions" from SCIfilover
I believe you mean Speciest cause 40k humans in general don't hate other races(meaning african american, asian), they hate aliens which are another species separate from the human race. Gallus is not alone in his hate you know, Eldar are similar in that they consider all races to be inferior to Eldar.

The Imperium is somewhat like Nazi cause in truth its more soviet and catholic church in attitude along with Dark Age nobility. As for good guys in 40k, there is no such thing! The Imperium, Tau and Eldar can only be considered "good guys" cause of whats on the other side! And at the end of the day the Imperium fights against Chaos which threatens to kill everyone via Warp and real space submerging and protecting humanity from itself and aliens.
Comments from author:
I am aware of this. The fact remains that, by the standards of the Buffyverse, all Inquisitors are basically evil.
Review By [SCIfilover] • Date [14 Mar 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Angelic Beginnings" from AbscondingCascade
Well this is grim, of course it is a warhammer 40K cross so it was all fields of flowers and butterfly's it be wrong ... unless the flowers were demonically possessed, giant, mutant, human eating Venus fly trap fighting against a swarm of demonically infused butterfly's, that are the size of hens with poisonous fangs and soul twisting wings. With said butterfly's drawing upon the very essence of hate so as enhance themselves against the evil flowers ...

... anyway, a great character orientated piece that's really, really good and so in thanks -
Comments from author:
Thanks for your review! And daemonic butterflies? AWESOME.
Review By [AbscondingCascade] • Date [1 Mar 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Glorious Aftermath" from AbscondingCascade
and the magnificent horror continues, in thanks a little doctor who music medley -
Review By [AbscondingCascade] • Date [3 Feb 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Glorious Conclusions" from drago
"No such thing as overkill just open fire and reload"
Comments from author:
True, true...
Review By [drago] • Date [1 Feb 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Glorious Conclusions" from AbscondingCascade
Nice to see you back at work at the glorious original, though I didn't mind reading your brilliant prequel. In thanks -
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review and the link! I'll be working on Grim Darkness as well, but I watched some Buffy and read some Buffy fanfics, and it got me in the mood for Sunnydale Chronicles again.
Review By [AbscondingCascade] • Date [1 Feb 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Glorious Conclusions" from (Current Donor)Tempi
Great story so far. While anti-climatic Gallus easy defeat of Emily just shows what a competent expert with the right weapons for the job can accomplish as opposed to regular troops fighting an unknown enemy.

I look forward to reading more.
Comments from author:
Exactly the point I was trying to make.
Review By [(Current Donor)Tempi] • Date [31 Jan 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Glorious Retreat" from drago
sorry should have put what I was reffering to, 2 reviews before me by Glorious Comeuppance and the size of titans, deamons and such
Comments from author:
I'm aware of all of the titan sizes. However, a Reaver class titan is roughly 30 meters tall. I was using the Reaver as an example of the size disparity between meters and feet. I didn't feel the need to go into specifics, as the Titan was merely being used as an example.

Thank you for the compliment.
Review By [drago] • Date [28 Dec 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Glorious Retreat" from drago
Actually the smallest titan is the Warhound stand 14m but then it's designed for recon. The Emperor titan is a whopping 150m tall. Figures are from the imperial data sheets released by games workshop. But still excellant story.
Comments from author:
This is in response to...?
Review By [drago] • Date [28 Dec 11] • Not Rated
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