Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
using
 paypal
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Is your email address still valid?

THE DROP-INS

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from FireWolfe
Review:
I liked this a lot I hope there is a sequel.
Comments from author:
Thank you. There will be a sequel - hopefully soon.
Review By [FireWolfe] • Date [27 Nov 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from dreameralways
Review:
Since you said that I may continue, just having Willow sign a NDA doesn't really mean anything if she's doing so under an assumed name. How would Sam know without at least making a few calls? And without a background check, how could she know that Willow wouldn't just tell everyone anyway. Lots of people have spilled state secrets. Even if they could go after her after the fact, the damage would still be done. And "terrorist" was just a quick, throw in idea. And who said that Sam would have been her target? Terrorist groups occasionally like to recruit brilliant people as well. Besides, the Russians and other countries that the US isn't on the friendliest terms with know about the Stargate. What if they knew she was considered for the SGC and were trying to preemptively recruit her as a double agent to make sure that the US was really passing on all the secrets like they were supposed to? A background check can't 100% assess whether someone can be turned or not, especially if the person hasn't undergone proper psych evals which wouldn't have happened without previously being approached and assessed by the government. And even after all vetting is done, it's never 100% certain that a person can't be turned.
About Sam being there to give final approval, that's not how our the US government works. After all the initial backgrounds and vetting was done they would need to conduct their own interviews and psychological assessments. Therefore your OC would have to already know that she was being considered for something highly classified if she'd already been fully assessed. Also, it's highly unlikely that the read-in would have been done in her home. One, they need to be sure that there aren't any recording devices (even accidental ones like Furbies). And two, even fully vetted, they couldn't be 100% sure of her reaction. If she freaked, they would need to contain her. She could have started yelling and all of the neighbors could have heard or she could have grabbed the papers and ran out of the house in a stupor yelling "so and so will never believe this." Even though she signed the NDA, they can't be certain that in her initial shock that she wouldn't do something stupid.
I'm glad that you understood that my previous message was meant as concrit. I don't bother reviewing stories that I think are too far gone to be helped since all I could do would be to flame and I just don't see the point of that. Like I said, I really do like your concept. I just want to help you to make your stories even better so that I can enjoy them all that much more when I read them in the future.
Comments from author:
Hi again, just a quick response for now. You make some very good points here. I will study them more later. I look forward to you making further meaningful critical contributions with my future stories.:-)
Review By [dreameralways] • Date [10 Dec 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from dreameralways
Review:
I get that you likely did it for effect so that you could get to your point, but Sam way, way, WAY overstepped her authority and disclosure rights, like go to jail stepping over. She never would have told your OC all about the Stargate in an initial meet and greet. She would have needed to assess the girls personality and weigh the girl's interest in working for a project that she would never be able to talk about. Haleigh didn't even get a full read in on her first meeting and she was already essentially military and they could have just assigned her to the mountain without even asking her permission, already aware of what "classified" really meant. Willow obviously had to tell your OC everything since it's a part of her so that was fine. I really think that Willow and Sam would have been very reluctant to share with each other even with your OC's pushing and if they did share, Willow likely would have had to go first since Willow would actually have the authority to read in whoever she liked while Sam would need a lot more than "a potential recruit recommended it" when reporting back to her superiors. Sam at a minimum would have needed to verify that Willow was actually who she said she was and not a terrorist, Trust member, or just general bad guy. After Willow shared her secrets, maybe, MAYBE, Sam would have felt it acceptable to share with Willow, but I doubt just that would do it. Maybe Willow could have called someone important and a message could have gotten back to Sam to share since it concerned one of the Council's slayers.
I like the concept, don't get me wrong, it just seems like you ran roughshod over reality in order to get to the parts that you thought would be fun and interesting. In the future I would just suggest taking your time and letting things play out at a more natural pace. Personally I think that this would have been an amazing story if you had let it play out over a couple days. You would have still gotten the same result and been able to throw in all of the fun stuff that you wanted to, it just would have made it more believable and given you a chance to really explore you characters and their interpersonal development. Like a said, nice concept but I'd work a little on development.
Comments from author:
Thank you for your review. I welcome constructive criticism, and your review is in the spirit of concrit, so I welcome it.
You raise a number of points that I will respond to. I invite you to in turn respond to my responses in a new review. Friendly debate is appreciated, and can lead to my writing stronger stories.

Although it is not clearly stated, it is implied (perhaps too subtly for story purpose) that SGC already did background check, suitability assessment, security clearance and recruitment approval for Sidra, in the comment about her being a potential recruit. So, Sam is there to make a final assessment. You will notice that Sidra was only asked to read and sign the NDF, because it was pre-filled with her details. I can easily make this more apparent by adding a sentence explaining that the background stuff has already occurred - I will do an edit during the next couple of days to incorporate that.
Note also that Sidra was simply being considered as a new member in research section, not as an SG team member, but that could change with the new data that Sam now has about Sidra's superhuman abilities.

I also mentioned that she considered that she did have the authority to sign in Willow, but that she would need permission for the other SAI personnel that Willow mentioned. However, you do have a valid concern that she may have too easily included Willow. However, she does have the protection that Willow first had to sign an NDF, which has severe penalties involved for unauthorised disclosure of SGC secrets. Groups like the Trust and NID already know all about the SGC, so have little reason to be interested in Carter. Anyone who doesn't know about the SGC (eg terrorists) has no reason to be interested in Carter, and definitely not in Sidra. Carter basically turned-up at Sidra's place on impulse (though planning to contact Sidra sometime in near future, which is why had the pre-filled NDF), so they could not know she was going to be there, and therefore plant a well-briefed agent at the location.

Even if Willow was a terrorist who followed her there for some strange reason, how could she explain her presence to Sidra - "Hi, girl whom I didn't even know your name a minute ago; I'm here because I am curious about what Colonel Carter wanted to talk to you about. Ho Ho." As far as anyone else can see, Carter visited a uni professor and then a uni student (which they wouldn't initially know, as she went to a private residence, and it would require investigation to know name of resident, and further investigation to find out that they are an astrophysics scientist).

You may have a point that they should have taken things more slowly, and Sam should have been more concerned about who Willow actually represented. Once again thanks for your review, and raising some points of concern to you and possibly to others also.
Also, if you or some other fanfic author would like to try their hand at doing own version of this story, I give my permission to borrow this concept (can even use the names Sidra and Selena, or OCs of own creation).
Review By [dreameralways] • Date [8 Dec 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from cptquinn
Review:
Liked it a lot, would love a sequel.
Only error I noticed was Abydos isn't in a different galaxy, it's actually one of the closest stargate's to earth. (Unless you're going by just the movie.)
Comments from author:
Oops! Forgot to change that bit of the original quote. Thanks for the heads-up, and I will correct that now, as I am using the series as canon for that.
Review By [cptquinn] • Date [26 Oct 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from gaulty
Review:
interesting twist.
Comments from author:
Thanks. It's a concept that I hadn't seen used before, or don't recall seeing used if it has been done before.
Review By [gaulty] • Date [25 Oct 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Gideon
Review:
Cool story. You have created a new way for these two worlds to meet - Well done! It seems awfully coincidental to me also that they should arrive at exactly the same time. I can't wait to see what will come of it in future stories :)
I'm glad that Sidra was able to get them both to explain themselves to each other. They will be able to achieve more together than separately. I just hope that Willow will be able to overcome her residual dislike of the military and Sam will be able to contain her skepticism!
I also have a (hopefully constructive) observation about the level of detail in this story. You may want to consider what your readers need to know and cut out everything else. For example, I don't need to know the exact model and colour of each car, unless it is relevant to the story. Also do we need to know so much about the ordering of dinner and what coffee they drink? Some background is interesting especially if it provides a contrast or some insight into their characters, like prius vs sportscar, but some of it we don't need to know. This is just a small point overall but I couldn't find anything else wrong with your story to discuss! Finally I think it should be spelled Apophis, not Apothis.
Keep up the good work!
Comments from author:
Thanks. I am happy that you both liked the story and also gave constructive criticism. You are of course right about the relevance of the detail, and that is something that I will watch out for in future. Also thanks for drawing my attention to the misspelling of Apophis; I have fixed it now.
Review By [Gideon] • Date [24 Oct 11] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from CPTSkip
Review:
I thought this was an interesting beginning, but I would really like to read more stories set in your universe.
Comments from author:
Thanks. As you are the second person to suggest that I continue with this universe, it seems that I better listen to my readers, and do so. :-)
Review By [CPTSkip] • Date [24 Oct 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from RafMereC
Review:
I love the idea.
I also like the Macbeth reference.
Raf
Comments from author:
Thanks Raf. I am pleased that you enjoyed it so much.
Review By [RafMereC] • Date [24 Oct 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from RedCalypso
Review:
Sentinel Argus Integration? I'm afraid I don't get how that ties into Slayers...

Also, I think there was just a bit too much exposition and too little story, and Sidra's reaction was awfully low-key for two such revelations.
Comments from author:
Whilst your criticism is valid, it is the nature of this story to be exposition-centered. My future stories will be more story-oriented.
Sidra's reactions are an aspect of her personality - she is a scientist whose interests include speculation about ET life; plus she has been having the dreams that have inoculated her partly against being too shocked.

As to the organization name - the relationship is not particularly evident, but they don't want a name that screams out - we are slayers!
Some authors have the Watchers Council renamed as the Slayers and Watchers Council, but I don't think that it is too prudent as a public name for the group. The only story that I have seen that it was sensible to publicly use Slayer in the name was one where they had created a fake background of a man called Slayer who created a corporation using that name.

But to explain the name: Buffy was the guardian of the hellmouth, and was only a single set of eyes. Also, she met one of the Guardians, who had a role complementary to and also opposed to the Watchers - she gave Buffy the scythe that activated all the slayers. Sentinel means guardian (it can ironically also mean watcher). Argus was the mythological critter with a hundred eyes symbolising that it could see everywhere.
So, Sentinel refers to the role of the slayers, and whilst Argus references the watcher role, it also references that now that there are hundreds of slayers, they have hundreds of eyes to watch out. Also, w ith the new organization, many slayers also assume role of watcher - they are slayer-watchers. So the name symbolises that they have a legacy as inheritors of both the Guardians and Watchers, and that they bring the two roles together.
SAI also refers to the weapon that is used as a pair.
Review By [RedCalypso] • Date [24 Oct 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Past Donor)ridert
Review:
Nice, please tell me that you didn't mean to mark this as complete or that you at least have a sequal planned.
Comments from author:
Thank you. I can't make a definite promise, but I believe that I could do a sequel, possibly with Sidra and Selena meeting each other (maybe in an unexpected way!). Also could have a follow-up meeting for the three women in this story, adding in some of the other BtVS and SG1 characters.
Review By [(Past Donor)ridert] • Date [24 Oct 11] • Rating [8 out of 10]
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking