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Some Other Hot Chick With Superpowers Book 1

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Review of chapter "Not Exactly a Chapter" from HappyWonKinobi
Review:
You know, I think I know part of what needs to happen next. I, Robot, You, Jane. You've introduced Malcolm, but he was Moloch in the series, and was introduced as well, so what you need to do is bring him out, be he human, Moloch, or otherwise, and tell us what is going on with him. That's a big part of what needs to happen next. Also, maybe you should start introducing the next thing involving the Supers. Just a thought to consider. :)

P.S. I love the story. :)
Review By [HappyWonKinobi] • Date [11 Apr 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Prologue" from agnar
Review:
Eh, the results of the wish make zero sense. Cordy wished for A super powered hot chick. In no way does that wish instigate, or require they import mutants and tons of other super powered *anything*. It requires ONE super powered hot chick, period.

Their higher powers, they can make the super powers come from any source they like, magical artifact or radiation or whatever. Any of that can be found in comics.

It comes off as a really flimsy excuse to stick in a bunch of crossovers.
Review By [agnar] • Date [23 Mar 14] • Rating [3 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Not Exactly a Chapter" from DieselDriver
Review:
Owen is a drone. Not important enough to save. DEATH TO THE DRONE~!

Owen is an integral part of the story from here on out you MUST SAVE OWEN~!

Really I tend more to the first than the second. I don't care about his character at all. He seems like a doofus aka, just another high school boy who can be replaced by almost any other although he does have that poetry thing going for him so maybe not. That's pretty rare in high school boys isn't it? I think it's his schtick, not his passion though. He reads and spouts off about it so he can hope to get the girl by being sensitive instead of by being a jock.

So yeah, my vote is kill him.

it's probably going to turn out that Dawn is the key to everything though, isn't she?
Comments from author:
Poor Owen, everybody just wants him to die.

As for Dawn, she could be key. She could be a herring.
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [19 Dec 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 2- Part 3" from DieselDriver
Review:
Hmm, I haven't forgotten the mention of the internet badness. Is that Moloch?

Tried to find a Smith & Wesson Avalanche because I shoot sometimes and realized just how big a 25 mm projectile is. That is to say, twice the diameter of a 45 round, if I remember correctly which is 11.5 mm. I can see why the gun is fictional, no normal human could fire it without breaking their hand, wrist and forehead. Heh, my nephew's dad let him try firing a Super Blackhawk 44 mag, when he was about 13. The hammer tang hit him right between the eyes and up just about an inch. A 44 mag is about as much as I want to ever shoot in a handgun, I can't imagine shooting something over twice as big. I like my Redhawk partly because it's heavier than a S & W model 629. Heavier equals less perceived recoil. Look up videos of 2nd chance bowling pin shooting. I used my Redhawk for that a lot. It was all I had.

Story is great fun. Keep up the good work.
Comments from author:
Is it Moloch? That would be telling lol.

The S&W Avalanche 25mm is indeed a stupidly large fictional weapon. Bought at Ted's Gun Emporium, a stupidly large fictional gun warehouse. I've done very little shooting in my time (mostly .22 rifles) and the friend who created the damn thing was more of a gun guy and it was his opinion that if someone ever made anything like this, for real, it would fire about 4 shots, have to be made of something beyond titanium and would have to be fired while being held in some kind of frame. It would also be cost a stupidly large amount of money.
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [19 Dec 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 2 - Part 2" from DieselDriver
Review:
Oh no! This time it's a "not a word" with a wrong word in it's place...

From Dictionary dot com

predated, pre·date, [pree-deyt]
verb (used with object), pre·dat·ed, pre·dat·ing.
1. to date before the actual time; antedate: He predated the check by three days.
2. to precede in date: a house that predates the Civil War.

As far as I can tell there isn't a word that covers something being preyed upon except that predators prey on their prey.

Here's the closest I could find...


pre·da·tion [pri-dey-shuhn] Show IPA noun
1. depredation; plundering.
2. act of plundering or robbing.
3. predatory behavior.
4. a relation between animals in which one organism captures and feeds on others.

As far as I can tell that is the closest to what you mean in the sentence you wrote. Only by using the two words above "preyed upon" or something similar can you describe the relationship between the hunter and the hunted. But here is a sample sentence for predation:

The difference in the seals' survival rates could be a result of an increase in shark predation within the reserve.

Story still really good. I know that looks super critical but I used to work as a tech writer/proofreader and I just can't help myself sometimes. Doesn't mean I don't really enjoy the work you do. I like it a lot or I wouldn't be writing this. I'd be off reading something else.
Comments from author:
This is for this one and the other word comment: Dammit now I have to reread everything and find out where I screwed up. Ah well
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [19 Dec 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 1- Part 3" from DieselDriver
Review:
"Prophecised" is that like being circumcised before you were supposed to be?

From Dictionary.com:

prophesied proph·e·sy
[prof-uh-sahy] Show IPA
verb (used with object), proph·e·sied, proph·e·sy·ing.
1. to foretell or predict.
2. to indicate beforehand.

I cut it short, you get the picture right?

Cool Story. I hope the rest is just as good. Not bad that I'm into the third part before I noticed a wrong word. Most of the authors here have 2 or 3 per page minimum.
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [19 Dec 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 1- Part 2" from DieselDriver
Review:
Okee dokee! Harmony isn't stupid anymore. Is she?
Comments from author:
Well she's not as stupid as she is made out to be in the show (and the rpg), but she's not super smart either
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [19 Dec 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue" from DieselDriver
Review:
Heh! Or maybe it's the author who needs the psychologist, not the character... LOL
Comments from author:
But I took a poll and 9 out of 10 voices in my head don't agree with you... Or me for that matter.
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [19 Dec 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Not Exactly a Chapter" from PiedraLumbre
Review:
I hope you can keep going with this as I just reread it and I really like the way you've put things together. I was particularly impressed with how you handled Irene's abilities in relationship to Flutie's death giving the characters warning, but making the consequences of being warned almost as bad as the consequences of not being warned. You also did a good job with Bobbi's speech at the assembly.

As for your question about Owen's fate, I can see that going either way myself, and there are interesting things you could do with both paths. However, since you have to choose, I'd suggest that you have Owen die because it feels a bit more organic somehow. I'm not sure I can articulate it any better than that, and if you're completely stuck you could always flip a coin and see if that answer feels natural.
Comments from author:
Thanks! I've been trying to keep things going in as logical fashion as I can from the internal logic of the world and the characters within. I'm glad I've been mostly able to so far.

I am keeping going with this, I'm just more than a bit stuck at the moment. I started writing the next bit and realized everything was coming out mixed around and some bits were more than stupid. I've got a handle on the start now and hopefully can get everything in order and down on paper, so to speak.

Thanks for your review.
Review By [PiedraLumbre] • Date [11 Jul 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Not Exactly a Chapter" from SamTurner
Review:
Vamp with Dru being boss.
Review By [SamTurner] • Date [10 Sep 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Not Exactly a Chapter" from RafMereC
Review:
Dead.
Review By [RafMereC] • Date [6 Sep 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3 - Part 3" from PiedraLumbre
Review:
I'm quite enjoying this. I like what you're doing with all of the characters, both original flavor and the latest craze. Particular highlights are your use of Drusilla, your slightly more confident Tara, and having Bobbi call herself a real-life Mary Sue was pretty funny (and not entirely inapt). Keep up the good work.
Comments from author:
Thanks. I love Drusilla and if I can use her sorta on the side of the good guys I'll do it. I love Tara and the woman she was/ started to become before her death. She fits into this particular universe better that way. Bobbi tries to be as honest as she can with at least herself, so the description is somewhat apt.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the rest of the ride.
Review By [PiedraLumbre] • Date [27 Feb 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3 - Part 3" from BarbarossaRotbart
Review:
This is really a weird story. A Mary Sue that does not want to be a Mary Sue. Why did you not use an established character?
Comments from author:
It was part of the exercise. Any super powered hot chick I would be comfortable writing would have been faaaar too powerful for the universe.
Review By [BarbarossaRotbart] • Date [22 Feb 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3 - Part 3" from DavidFraser
Review:
I am really enjoying reading this.

Keep up the good work...

Emily.
Comments from author:
Thanks a lot! I'll do my best and hope to make the rest just as enjoyable.
Review By [DavidFraser] • Date [22 Feb 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3 - Part 3" from draconis
Review:
Very nice twist on the 'Wish' verse.

Particularly liked the line, "I looked over at Mom and she'd relaxed from her ready to be up and smacking people with her cane position. It looked a lot like her sleeping position."

Would be interested in reading a bit more about the Xavier/Raven backstory in your verse, rather than just leaving it at they had an major argument in the past and have now 'made up'.

(Don't forget to give us the final info on what actually happens to the hyena-possessed students; legal, social, and mystical).
Comments from author:
Thanks. I'm surprised that more isn't done with that particular pivot point. Tonnes done with Halloween, but not that one.

I'm thinking about doing a set of side stories, so I'll probably do the Raven/Xavier backstory there. As for the winged monkeys, they'll be dealt with before the end of what would be the first season if this was a mid season replacement tv show.
Review By [draconis] • Date [21 Feb 12] • Rating [8 out of 10]
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