Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
using
 paypal
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Is your email address still valid?

A house in order

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Review of chapter "Paradise Lost" from stahchild
Review:
Omg :( poor faith! I hope Jack finds out the truth. Please tell me that you'll add to this eventually? I don't want faith to run, this is heartbreaking.
Review By [stahchild] • Date [12 Sep 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Paradise Lost" from Zeviz
Review:
I'd like to see more of this story, and would prefer a happier ending.
Comments from author:
I'm still working on the next chapter, but sooo busy...

Thanks and thanks for reviewing
Review By [Zeviz] • Date [4 Sep 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Paradise Lost" from (Recent Donor)draconin
Review:
Ok. I just read the whole thing for the first time.
a) I think you've got something here that could be quite interesting and unique. A slayer trained by Jack O'Neill could be awesome. And I can only imagine how the Watchers would react to his level of disrespect. Or how he'd react to their notions of Slayers as 'weapons'. I think it would be a shame if you abandoned it or prematurely terminated it.
b) If you *are* going to end it then I vote strongly against a sad/dark ending! :-)
Comments from author:
It will probably be continued. And the consensus seems to be that the ending should not be dark, so I shall see what I can do.

Thanks for reviewing
Review By [(Recent Donor)draconin] • Date [2 Aug 14] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Paradise Lost" from Kalliza
Review:
Woah. Finally had time to read the update. I really would like to see it finished. I love this fic. I'd rather not-so-sad, myself, but do whatever you think is best for the story. It needs closure. :)
Comments from author:
Glad you enjoyed it. The ending will not be sad, since people want it so. ( And I do like happy endings...)

Thanks for reviewing
Review By [Kalliza] • Date [2 Aug 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "She'ol" from DieselDriver
Review:
For those who can't read the original "Dante's Inferno" there is a very good Science Fiction version of the story, modernized of course, about a sch fi writer who dies and is in Hell. "Inferno" by Larry Niven gives a good idea of She'ol. Anyone with any empathy and imagination will cringe at what happens to people as punishment for seemingly the smallest of sins. Then read revelations and what really happens to sinners... All of them. That is, all who haven't chosen to believe in God and Jesus Christ our savior. You'll wish Dante had been right.

Edit to your comment: I'll give a Xanderism and say "Huh? With a side of What?" What does being a "Cohen" have to do with it?
Comments from author:
I've read both. And Revelations. Of course in the olden days the only way you got into the presence of god was being born a Cohen.
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [12 Jul 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Paradise Lost" from DieselDriver
Review:
Please PLEASE write more of this. And with a good ending. What you've done is left us with a horrible cliffhanger.
Comments from author:
I know. Working hard on the next chapter.

Thanks for reviewing
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [10 Jul 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Trouble in Paradise" from DieselDriver
Review:
Oh My God! She's 14, how old was she when she activated as the Slayer? Jack is going to go absolutely coocoo. Oh maybe I should say go completely "spare" if I understand that usage of the word...
Comments from author:
Buffy was fifteen. I subscribe to the school that believes Faith was no where near 18 when she was called.

It's about the same meaning, but up a tread or two.

Thanks and thanks for reviewing
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [10 Jul 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Bumpy Road" from DieselDriver
Review:
I have two boys who're taller than I am now and have kids of their own. But I can remember that marvelous feeling of having brought a new life into the world. Oddly enough I was in the Air Force when my first one was born too. Never an officer though, and never a lifer.

I don't know if I ever mentioned it in any of my reviews but I never even heard of the word "duvet" till I started reading this stuff online. British terms for bedding are much different than I ever learned and I doubt Jack would have EVER called the "covers" a duvet. Sheets for next to the body, covers for warmth and a bedspread to make it purty. I quit using all that stuff years ago and now use extra large sleeping bags zipped together at the foot end.
Comments from author:
Yes, Jack is quite stunned by it himself.

Having been taught to write British English I use it more than American English, I try and use American terms in dialogue.

Thanks for reviewing
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [10 Jul 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Jack And Sarah" from DieselDriver
Review:
Sometimes I really, really like stories that make my eyes tear up. I hope the rest is as good.
Comments from author:
I hope you like it, too.

Thanks and thanks for reviewing
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [10 Jul 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Paradise Lost" from Morgomir
Review:
Great chapter. Keep up the good work.
Comments from author:
Thanks and thanks for reviewing
Review By [Morgomir] • Date [9 Jun 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Paradise Lost" from heren
Review:
I have been enjoying the story quite a bit, and typically I am simply a lurker... But I felt I had to comment on this last chapter.
As a firearms enthusiast, I must point out that the chain of events does not make sense.

When Faith took the firearm from Charlie, you stated that she unloaded the magazine (did not unload the chamber), put the SAFETY on, and put it in her pocket. When she removed it from the pocket, catching it on the zipper could not have caused an accidental discharge.
A) Unless she was pulling the sidearm out barrel first (unlikely as that is a very unnatural way to hold an M9), the zipper could not have pulled the trigger in a firing direction.
B) Pulling the trigger would do nothing because the safety was engaged.

There are a couple of ways to get an accidental discharge, but not with the chain of events shown.
Please don't consider this as personal in any way, but given the popular media "guns are evil" mentality, I feel that it is my duty as a responsible gun owner to speak up when something doesn't make sense.
Comments from author:
Ah, the answer to this is actually very short: Faith thought she'd fully secured the gun...

Thanks for reviewing
Review By [heren] • Date [6 Jun 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Paradise Lost" from Lithie
Review:
Really good to read a new chapter of this story.
I love how you dealt with the gun incident though I hope you don't let Faith gets to lost in the darkness
Comments from author:
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I hope so too...

Thanks and thanks for reviewing
Review By [Lithie] • Date [6 Jun 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Paradise Lost" from (Current Donor)WildMartin
Review:
Good chapter; I look forward to the next one. It seems that Jack royally screwed up though and now Faith is running.
Comments from author:
Jack did screw up, though there are some mitigating circumstances. Not that he'll see it that way...

Thanks and thanks for reviewing
Review By [(Current Donor)WildMartin] • Date [5 Jun 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Paradise Lost" from musumenosuoh
Review:
whoa!!! awesome pair of chapters i've read so far!
Comments from author:
Glad you liked them.

Thanks and thanks for reviewing
Review By [musumenosuoh] • Date [5 Jun 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Paradise Lost" from (Current Donor)Sulien
Review:
Damn, you really do love these angsty cliffhangers! Thankfully, at least I know you'll not leave it here and will update it. Eventually.

Kvetching done, I have to say that I love this chapter to pieces! One thing I never dared do was handle a firearm without my parents' or grandparents' permission and supervision. The one time when I was twelve and jokingly told my younger cousin I'd shoot her if she didn't behave, my Dad took my little bolt-action .22 rifle away for a year and I was grounded for a month, despite the fact we were on vacation and said rifle was 400 miles away at home, and I was happy I didn't get my ass spanked as well. Even joking about such things was not allowed. I only wish every parent/guardian of children taught them about firearms as well and strictly as I was taught.

All of the above said, I wonder who is going to feel worse: Jack or Charlie. I can definitely see Jack saying something as stupid as he did in the heat of the moment; no one is perfect and that kind of scare can really bring out the worst in a person. And I can't help but wonder how long it's going to take Charlie to own up to the whole thing being his fault. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to the next update of this, whenever you get to it. :)

As always, thanks and great work!

Oh, by the way, I think you meant to put Charlie in this paragraph instead of Bobby: "Faith had been working on her expanded vocabulary for her SAT’s and ‘irked’ was in there. Bobby liked the sound of it."
Comments from author:
I shall do my best to update it failry soon, even.

Faith especially hates guns, which is why she was so nervous about handling Jack's. Charlie really should have known better. He's going to be grounded until he's thirty when this comes out...

Jack is still suffering from PTSD, even after all this time (Also thanks to a few intervening years of duty) and children and blood are not good memories and his children and blood? Very bad indeed.

You're quite right, I did. I shall need to correct that, thanks for pointing it out.

Thanks and thanks for reviewing
Review By [(Current Donor)Sulien] • Date [4 Jun 14] • Not Rated
Page: 1 of 9 next end
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking