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The Green Lady

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Review of chapter "Chapter 1" from VillageOrchid
Review:
This chapter was better overall. Interesting time shift in the HP-verse. I think Lily's last name is spelled, "Evans." Not really sure why everyone was hurrying to the carriages, nor why first years weren't being sorted before the feast, thus the sorting hat being downstairs. Is this mid-year after Christmas? Is that that why they were hurrying, because of "freezing" rain? Certainly not acid rain, right?
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [26 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue" from VillageOrchid
Review:
While the plot basically worked, the writing style in the first part of the chapter was a little heavy handed. Could use some paring down. Sometimes you said too much at one in the narrative time, and then also repeated it in dialog.

The action scene writing and dialog were good, but the plot was extremely crackety.

It would be less crack if you took things a little slower, and dramatize some downtime and angst in between revelations.

For example - being open about keyness where other people can hear could lead to badness. So either being more careful about that or angsting over the consequences would help.

At the moment, most of the story is at super!crack levels, and I'm not sure you mean to do that. If things are too easy-going for characters then there is no struggle and no real reason to read the story.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [26 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 1" from aveave
Review:
I like it. I hope you will write next chapter soon.
Review By [aveave] • Date [26 May 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 1" from AllenPitt
Review:
ok, so it's in Lily's time, interesting. Bella saw the green glow 'cause she's insane, I take it?
Review By [AllenPitt] • Date [26 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue" from SamDragon
Review:
Nice.Having those 3 at Hogwarts at the same time as Harry and company should be interesting.
Review By [SamDragon] • Date [6 Apr 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Prologue" from deathgeonous
Review:
Fun, but very simplistic. Well, thanks for writing this, bye for now.
Review By [deathgeonous] • Date [6 Apr 12] • Not Rated
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