This is a really great story. I like how you take your time building up the relationships, it definitely makes your story more believable. Also, I know how hard it is to write introspective scenes, especially if someone is in shock. I think you did really well with Buffy, I can imagine those thoughts going through her head. But I will also admit that I prefer the later chapters that contain more dialogue and more activity. =)
And finally some (hopefully) constructive criticism:
The first few chapters were a bit hard to read because of some punctuation and grammar problems. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean the intentionally short "sentences" that make up Buffy's shocked thoughts, they are great. But there were some sentences with additional or wrong words or slightly complicated word order such as: "Never have known if the Tony hadn't decided..." (Chapter 1) "A secret that she'd learned after spending the last two hours talking with Mr. Williams discussing the details of, that had been Joyce's wish and Tony, who always did exactly what he wanted, had agreed to." (Chapter 1) "... since Tony and his military escort and been attacked." (Chapter 1)
Also, you always start sentences after dialogue with small letters, for example: [...] “I'm going.” the tone was, it was resolute. [...] (Chapter 1) I'm not a native English speaker but I'm pretty sure that the correct way would be to start the new sentence with a capital letter: [...] "I'm going." The tone was, it was resolute. [...]
Call me pedantic but it does disrupt the flow of the story when you stumble across these things. I guess these mistakes are mean because a spell-check will not pick up on them. Maybe a beta-reader could help with that? And if you don't agree with me, feel free to ignore my rambling. =)
In any case, I'm very curious how Buffy will try to hide her powers from her new instructors. And I absolutely love the scenes with Tony, it would be great to see more of him in the next chapters, even if it's only snippets.
Thanks a lot for this wonderful story, Jadchen
Review By [jadchen] • Date [22 May 13] • Not Rated
I read the whole story again and I read something I didn't realize the first time I read it. Tony knows everything that happens in Buffy's life so also the part where she is committed to a nuthouse because she believed in vampires and becoming the one who protected the innocence. Pepper don't know about it because Jarvis never showed her those files that's what I understand after reading it again.
Sooo knowing Tony, when he sees Buffy, her attitude, behavior, the look in her eyes and how easy she will be doing things without knowing she is doing it. He will notice there is something about his daughter that makes her different to other people. Even when he doesn't already know she is the Slayer he will find out by only watching Buffy. When he knows I think it will be easier for Buffy to cope with some things that happen to her or what she did. Why because she can finally talk about it and that will finish the last part of her healing process. Or when she won't talk Tony will talk about it in a sneaky way so she won't even notice that he is doing it.
Can't wait for the next update reading this story again makes it even a better story than I already think it was. Oh I almost forgot. Buffy don't think she is a genius but to me she not far from it. If you can skip one year and finish high school without even being at school, to me you are genius. She isn't even learning she learns it without being aware of it. Can't wait when she discovers how many old and maybe demon languages she knows/read/understands without realizing it. She will get a "stroke". "LOL"
Don't wait to long. I'm curious.
Review By [bradsan] • Date [19 May 13] • Not Rated
ok so i am just back from the cinema after watching iron man 3 for the 1st time. all i can say is oh. my. god. loved it!! and so i came straight on here to read this fic 'cause i may noy be slightly obssessed again!! lol. i really hope you update this soon 'cause i adore it. and i wana see buffy and tony's meeting. and his reaction. and how buffy is gona kick obidiah's ass. and yeah i just wana read more.
hope to hear from this fic soon toniboo xox
Review By [Toniboo] • Date [10 May 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Thirteen" from Calimora
Review:
This is a spectacular story. Great scope and execution. And we haven't even gotten to Tony yet. Im looking forward to more.
Review By [Calimora] • Date [10 May 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Thirteen" from kittenpoker
Review:
I absolutely love that you threw in a quote from Sherlock Holmes Game of Shadows into this chapter. So.Much.Love. I watched that movie and re-fell in love with it this weekend. Sending lots of love your way! And cookies, because cookies are well documented to solve anything and everything!!! I'm so, so glad you're alive and well enough to taunt us with an end being in sight! It's weird that I can't wait for the end, but it is only because I know that the end of is arc heralds the arrival of a new one and I've told you already but you have created the best 'verse/crossover of these two ever. Ever ever!
One tiny tiny thing: I think spellcheck gotcha on spelling Wolfram and Hart in the fabulous Fury/Coulson scene.
So. I tried so hard to not read this chapter, to wait so I would have more than one to read and re-read and love, but I just couldn't do it. This story is too good to have a new chapter and not read it. I resisted for 11 days and then I realized I absolutely needed to read it and tell you again and again how much I love it and how I can't wait to read more every single chapter. Also, every single Iron Man 3 preview that I watch makes me squee and clutch the person nearest to me and say "WE ARE GOING TO SEE THAT" several times. And then re-watch the preview a couple more times to discover new details. Dying. May 3 is too long.
Review By [kittenpoker] • Date [2 Apr 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Ya know, as I re-watch the movie and the part where Tony's developing the suit, an image popped into my head. That would be Buffy hopping onto Tony's back as he takes off for one of his test flights (just for the heck of it) and it becoming her first "piggy back" ride with her pops. Also, imagined her getting Jarvis to build her some body armor and pretending it had built in extras to explain her own strength and abilities. *sigh* Just goes to show you how much your story has made an impact. :)
I love that you brought Rhodes into it, though it seems he hasn't actually met Buffy, just seen her from a distance. I wonder how they'll hit it off when they do meet up.
It was also fun to see what Fury's been up to. I wonder what, exactly, Willow's looking into. Will we see an epic Willow/JARVIS cyber-battle anytime soon? Will Buffy ever be able to re-engage with her friends--even a little? And how's Tony doing on his escape plans?
Can't wait for more!
-eset
Review By [eset] • Date [26 Mar 13] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Thirteen" from Keshkreature
Review:
I love it! Made my day. It's nice seeing Buffy make friends. Will she remember to check in on her old ones?
Review By [Keshkreature] • Date [25 Mar 13] • Not Rated
Yes it did make me squee :) among other thing :). One glad your back I've been waiting :) *taps foot*. The new chapter was definelty a countdown chapter and now I'm all more more more.
I really like the lightness of her scene with Declan and the kidding around with his dad. I'm glad Pepper's filled in Rhodey about Buffy and especially the line "You have to get Tony back" made me happy as I'm really looking forward to Tony making it back from the cave.
In the mean time, I think it's awesome that Buffy is starting to settle a bit in her new life. I'm wondering, is Buffy's old life going to pop up in the future? We're definitely in the marvel verse in this story, which I love, but Slayers, whether they are active or not, seem to attract supernatural attention. (plot twist, Declan and his dad are demons. lol, just kidding. but that would be awesome)
That said, I love the mention of Willow attracting the attention of Coulson en thereby Fury, as well as Wolfram and Hart being a problem that is not easily dealt with. I'm extremely curious to see what Fury's plans with everyone are!
Really love this story. Till next time!
Review By [Mayrose] • Date [23 Mar 13] • Not Rated
Heh, just had a though. A Hoverboard should be possible with Iron Man tech. Suggest you read/watch Eureka-7, their mobile suits way of flying in particular. Most of that series mobile suits use a hoverboard to fly or should that be surfing in the sky?
I can see Buffy being a bit of a rebel when Tony is being a bit to protective. Another option could be a small one person jet that could perhaps reach space? There are quite a few intresting designs out there in sci-fi. Heck, that tech would let you build a supercavitating submarine that could possibly even fly. Look for any info you can still find on "Empire Oceans Arise" on google (first hit).
Supercavitating subs are possible, only hard to pull off since it needs a air sheet and a rocket engine. There are already torpedo's with that ability, the Russians have them, some people think this is what the Kursk had onboard when she went down. Also don't forget diamond base computers, the USA managed to melt a diamond (with the Z-machine), so it's coming. Handy that there are two kinds of diamond, conducting and non-conducting.
