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End of Days: Scent of Death

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Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from DarthPayne
Review:
So far? Very nice :)
Review By [DarthPayne] • Date [12 Jul 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from AllenPitt
Review:
She still needs time to recover from the long coma, but that slayer healing looks to be kicking in already (or she wouldn't even be able to stand up). She really does need to get with a group, one person alone isn't going to make it no matter how good at killing things she is.
Have to feel sorry for the vamps, their whole food supply is just about gone by this point. . Well, they can last a while on animals I suppose.
A boat is a great way to get to SF, then Alcatraz, though I doubt she's much of a sailor...and powered boats need fuel, too... She also might want to try & find a sporting goods store, find a bow /arrows or crossbow/bolts (reusable ammo).
Review By [AllenPitt] • Date [12 Jul 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from Ironfelix
Review:
Great story so far. Will you have any of the other Scooby Gang survive, or have they gone the way of the angels.
Review By [Ironfelix] • Date [12 Jul 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapters 1 & 2" from draconis
Review:
Good start. Very much looking forward to more.

A couple of technical writing comments:

One generally shouldn't change tenses mid-sentence. Example:
"She quickly strides [present tense] across the expanse of the yard, and walked [past-tense] up onto the slightly raised porch on the back end of the house, quickly crossing [present] that as well and trying [present] the sliding glass door."

It can be also a problem within paragraphs, and a style issue from a story-level writing standpoint. Pick a tense and stick with it. There are of course some exceptions but they must be carefully applied.

Re: your description of using a Glock pistol she acquired from a police car..."She clicks the safety off as she quickly comes up behind the downed zombie...."
Glock pistols typically don't have a selectable safety. The "safety" is integral to the way the pistol operates...not a separate lever or button that can be "clicked" off or on. http://www.ehow.com/about_6678513_glock-safety.html
If one is going to write about a SPECIFIC model/brand/etc of something, the author should research the item in detail. If you had just said "pistol" instead of Glock, there would have been no error.
Review By [draconis] • Date [11 Jul 12] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapters 1 & 2" from DarthPayne
Review:
Not bad, not bad at all :)

I do hope some of the scoobies are ok...
Review By [DarthPayne] • Date [10 Jul 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapters 1 & 2" from AllenPitt
Review:
Possibly that nurse that worked for the Council hung around kept her fed etc? Anyway--so Whistler (probably) has provided her some help, nice. Alcatraz --an island is a very good idea. Getting there, tougher... I hope she's smart enough to head for the coast and get a boat then go with that, trying to get near San Francisco, not a good idea.
Comments from author:
Funny you should mention the boat idea.
Review By [AllenPitt] • Date [10 Jul 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapters 1 & 2" from michaelangelo
Review:
Great start! but why didn't Faith starve and end up in a heaping pile of her own poop? or even get killed by a Zombie in her sleep? I'll just file it under 'The Ptb did it'
Review By [michaelangelo] • Date [10 Jul 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapters 1 & 2" from OlBear
Review:
Great start, looking forward to more
Review By [OlBear] • Date [10 Jul 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapters 1 & 2" from Zyanadryn
Review:
ooohhh like where u r going with this! just finished the tv series the other day so this was a great find!!!!
Review By [Zyanadryn] • Date [10 Jul 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapters 1 & 2" from willboon
Review:
great story
Review By [willboon] • Date [10 Jul 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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