Review of chapter "Chapters 1 & 2" from draconis
Good start. Very much looking forward to more.
A couple of technical writing comments:
One generally shouldn't change tenses mid-sentence. Example:
"She quickly strides [present tense] across the expanse of the yard, and walked [past-tense] up onto the slightly raised porch on the back end of the house, quickly crossing [present] that as well and trying [present] the sliding glass door."
It can be also a problem within paragraphs, and a style issue from a story-level writing standpoint. Pick a tense and stick with it. There are of course some exceptions but they must be carefully applied.
Re: your description of using a Glock pistol she acquired from a police car..."She clicks the safety off as she quickly comes up behind the downed zombie...."
Glock pistols typically don't have a selectable safety. The "safety" is integral to the way the pistol operates...not a separate lever or button that can be "clicked" off or on. http://www.ehow.com/about_6678513_glock-safety.html
If one is going to write about a SPECIFIC model/brand/etc of something, the author should research the item in detail. If you had just said "pistol" instead of Glock, there would have been no error.
Review By [draconis
] • Date [11 Jul 12] • Rating [7 out of 10]