Review of chapter "'Webs and Lairs'" from greysh
Nice crossover. Dawn is acting very bratty. I hope that she will return to SGC before the NID gets her.
Good luck with the next chapter
Review By [greysh
] • Date [20 May 13] • Rating [6 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'Webs and Lairs'" from JanessaRavenwood
Not dead (she hopes)?
Comments from author:
No, not at all.
You're well aware of how awful I am at meeting promised deadlines, but I truly do think I'll get another chapter of this out by the end of the month.
Review By [JanessaRavenwood
] • Date [11 Apr 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "'Webs and Lairs'" from FallenGods
I have very much enjoyed your writing and hope you continue this soon. I don't think Dawn having sex was a problem at all as it merely established that she was older and changed from Series 5. She is perhaps a bit too ditzy and bratty but the end of the chapter seems to show the beginnings of growth. I would like to see her strategizing some and maybe becoming the Catwoman/Black Cat she clearly wants to see herself as. The other point worth mentioning is the change in appearance I assume its to get around the facial recognition the NID is using but I have to say I'm not a fan of that point. Perhaps I'm jut being stubborn and silly or perhaps it's the fact that Michelle is much better looking than SMG. Either way it throws off my ability to picture her in the story so hopefully that could be kept to a minimum. Whatever you decide please feed your many fans soon, you are an excellent writer and I hope this isn't abandoned.
P.S. More of Super Goddess Harmony too please, yes I know I'm greedy 0:-)
EDIT: As far as your response goes I didn't find it snippy at all and I agree that SG-1 were kind of Godmode Sue and author called 'Voider' (look up 'Empress in the shadows') described them as being the universe in which almost every decision point or random act went their way. Having Dawn be more real is definitely a good thing I just think if it was me I'd have sat down and tried to figure some stuff out maybe stopped being so obvious about where I robbed. Even if it failed I would have made the attempt but then perhaps thats to be future growth. I'll look forward to the next installment and for Harmony too.
Comments from author:
Not abandoned, nope.
Readers seem split on the 'too bratty'/'Just right' aspects of Dawn, so I'll probably keep doing what I'm doing and just try to keep it in a zone where it makes me happy but doesn't go so far as to drive people away in droves. The chapter I'm working on now is very much about why Dawn is the way she is, so there's that. Her being ditzy (aka 'not a genius') is another conscious choice I'm making here. It's too easy to make your lead character good at everything--it's the natural direction to take, since you want to write about an awesome person doing awesome things in awesomely clever ways, with occasional awesomely witty quips thrown in along the way... but that sort of thing can wreck a story pretty fast. I honestly think it's fair to have a character who isn't brilliant (but isn't Forest Gump, either). The SG:1 team is entirely made up of brilliant folk (well, okay, one of them is more stoic than brilliant, but even Teal'c is the strongest, most skilled, most noble and honorable, most damn near EVERYTHING of all the Jaffa... which strains credulity in its own way), so I think it will be interesting to explore the problems faced by a very, very average and ordinary, non-brilliant girl who (Spoiler) ends up hanging out with this team, when all she has going for her is her physical beauty, and a couple of very handy tricks. She's not a tactician, she's not a genius, she's a cute girl from California... who would admittedly LOVE to be a Black-Cat style thief (WITH the OUTFIT!!!!)... and who might just go there even when certain people would really rather she didn't.
As for the physical changes....
If it bothers you, I hear you, but you can really safely ignore it. I'm doing it for a fairly obscure reason which might not show up in the story for a good long while, and as Dawn herself has said already, the changes are so minor even she can barely see them. So far she's mostly just shorter, but otherwise you can continue to visualize the standard-issue Dawn for all intents and purposes.
I somewhat disagree with Michelle being hotter than Sarah--sure, SMG might not have aged well, but I rewatched Seasons 1 and 2 recently, and that girl was very pretty, sometimes verging on stunning.
Harmony is out there, waiting for her chance to reappear, probably when you least expect it.
Thanks for the comment--please don't take any part of my response as me being snippy. I know sometimes I come off that way, but it's (usually) just that when I want to explain something, or make a point, I tend to argue it like I'm, um... arguing it.
Review By [FallenGods
] • Date [30 Mar 13] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'Webs and Lairs'" from Zanfib
Really enjoyable read. I'd only suggest a less ditzy Dawn, as even a teenager would start thinking a bit more rationally/strategically in such a dangerous situation.
Anyway, I really hope you're going to continue this story.
Review By [Zanfib
] • Date [24 Mar 13] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'Webs and Lairs'" from dugleikoo
This story is awesome. It's so awesome I logged in on this site to leave a review. Dawn is so badass and Dawn like and at the same time she fits into the Stargate universe.
The only reason why I don't give this rating of 10 is that it seems to be abandoned.
Review By [dugleikoo
] • Date [21 Mar 13] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'Webs and Lairs'" from squeegybug
You have to be kidding, rhyming reviews? I'm lucky if I can get the review out normal-like. Anyhow, I love, love, love this story. Can't wait for it to continue, but I get that you're busy with original fic. I just know that Maybourne and his merry crew will be more of a problem in future. And hopefully that Daniel will get to explain himself eventually. And now that Dawnie knows how to get OUT of the Base, she can pop in and visit her favorite donut and the crew, whenever she likes! And if the barrier becomes a problem on earth, maybe she can pop through the gate and do some extra terrestrial exploration. Then she might not be confined to one planet! She could visit the Nox herself! Meet your local Goa'uld Warlord! Drop in on Jacob and the Tok'Ra!
Review By [squeegybug
] • Date [14 Mar 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "'Webs and Lairs'" from Duquette
This is incredibly fun, thanks for sharing.
Review By [Duquette
] • Date [23 Feb 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'Webs and Lairs'" from DominoEffect
This a great story, very interesting and engaging.
I'm wondering when you will update it? Perhaps soon? Please and thanks
Review By [DominoEffect
] • Date [22 Feb 13] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'Webs and Lairs'" from Neeros
Awesome story!!! I really hope you consider completing it.
Good luck with all your projects!
Comments from author:
Too many nice comments!
Okay, okay, I give. I'll try to get serious about working on this one again.
'Completing it' is kind of out of the question, since I love the SG 'verse and can easily see doing Dawn-inclusive versions of quite a few episodes (rewatching some season two and three stuff this week, getting twitchy with the need to do some writing), but I'd definitely like to wrap up this intro storyline.
Two chapters for that, one Dawn-centered and one from the Team's POV.
I promise, I'll do my best to get them out ASAP.
Review By [Neeros
] • Date [21 Feb 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'Webs and Lairs'" from borgrabbit
Is the story dead
Be nice to see where it led
Your muse—has it fled
This is a wonderful story and I am sad to see nothing happening lately. Don't see near enough Dawnie stories that address the 'kleptomania'. It would be nice to see how it would be handled if she wound up asking for sanctuary with SG-1 and Daniel, as I suspect you have intended. Write, and I promise to respond with haiku!
Review By [borgrabbit
] • Date [18 Feb 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "'Webs and Lairs'" from richierich
I just had to send you thanks for a really fine story. The plot and writing are great and the characters are all "in character". Even Dawn's, I believe. I noticed that you received some critical reviews as regards Dawn sleeping with that stock broker. It didn't bother me at all, after giving it a moment's thought. You gave us readers plenty of clues in the first few chapters that all was not right with our little heroine. So having her "blowing off a bit of steam" is not that much of a stretch. She IS seventeen after all. And as a result of her crazy life she's out of control at the moment. I think that if you introduce her to someone that she actually wants to make a favorable impression on, she would tone her behavior down quite a bit. And as she's only seventeen it's much easier to cut her some slack. If she were twenty-five and stealing everything in sight and acting the way she is, she would come off a lot more unfavorably. I loved the plot Maybourne's people came up with to capture Dawn. I never would have thought of that! And the deadpan way you had Teal'k approving of Dawn's use of insults in the movie theater was awesome. I can see that you have a busy life so I won't beg for quick updates but instead just thank you when they arrive. And thank you again for this great story!
Review By [richierich
] • Date [12 Feb 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "'Webs and Lairs'" from Adelphia
Could you pretty please write the next chapter?
Comments from author:
I'm sort of tied up at the moment writing my first original novel, and I'm trying very hard to concentrate on finishing it.
That said, I DO have the next chapter of Dawn's story open on my desktop too, and I've been fiddling with it off and on.
Sooooo, basically, I can't promise anything, but at the same time I wouldn't be too surprised if the next Dawn chapter sort of sneaks in between chapters of the novel, and shows up here on TtH.
(Especially since various nice people have emailed and messaged me with support and kind words)
Review By [Adelphia
] • Date [21 Jan 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "'Webs and Lairs'" from yuiop
Review By [yuiop
] • Date [15 Jan 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "'Webs and Lairs'" from LunasMeow
This review is actually for your original work, "Only Echoes Remain".
First of all, I don't know where you came up with your idea of Isa, but it's awesome. In all my reading I have never come across a created spirit VS a summoned one. Well unless a god of some sort was creating. And then her personality makeup coming from her dead summoner and her aspect from her experiences rather than being programed into her at her creation? It was... well if it was something I saw instead of read I'd call it breathtaking. Unfortunately, just as I was getting into it, settling in for a good read, it ended. I never thought you could write something so short. Isa deserves her own full length story. I wasn't sure at first, but as soon as she started going on about the "events" I noticed that I had been drawn into yet another of your worlds. This one was even more exciting because since it wasn't fanfiction so I had no idea what rules you were going to use, not even an educated guess! You have to finish it, and I will definitely be following any books you write. Some people fail at the transition of fanfic to original, but I didn't think you would and I'm glad I was right.
P.S. That little side thought of yours/Isa's that the Buffy fan in her would love to just go hand to hand? Nice touch for those of us who know DreamSmith and not A.J. It made me chuckle, but wasn't a significant enough distraction to break the mood of the story.
Review By [LunasMeow
] • Date [2 Dec 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "'Webs and Lairs'" from carrytoomuch
"The next one is already in progress, and should show up no later than a week after this one."
Hey. You can't write a great fic like this and not continue it!! This is a really unique and well written story. As for all the haters, ignore them. If someone can't imagine a girl totally alone with a ton of money wanting some companionship then they are out of touch. Please continue.
Comments from author:
Hey there, and thank you for the kind words.
I'll admit, it's not so easy to continue a story when there's been significant negative feedback. In this case, there's some of that, but also what feels like some legitimate criticism which needs to be addressed. I thought about it, and came up with a way to show more of where Dawn's been and why she is the way she is, but that necessitated rewriting the chapter in progress, and expanding it quite a bit as well, and somewhere in there I had an enthusiasm failure, so it's been sitting static for a while now.
I am trying to get back to it; thanks for letting me know you're out there.
Review By [carrytoomuch
] • Date [28 Nov 12] • Not Rated