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The Third Age

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Review of chapter "Prologue: A History Lesson" from jimk
Review:
Got halfway down and still nothing to indicate who the hell is talking. Maybe I'm missing something obvious but this is too awkward to follow. Jumped to the end, finally saw a name, Andrew. Gave up at that point because I didn't want to try to read a lot of dialogue and have to figure out who is talking. If it doesn't matter to the fic who is talking and this is all background then the problem is simply too much information to wade through.
Review By [jimk] • Date [26 Jul 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue: A History Lesson" from Martin
Review:
I got to about three quarter through the chapter when I just couldn't stand all the meandering around and jumped to the end. All that exposition was just long winded and annoying. Show don't tell.
Review By [Martin] • Date [26 Jul 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue: A History Lesson" from dialNforNinja
Review:
don't really know enough about the game world to give meaningful comments, but I will say that the mechanism of the slayer spirit does seem to fit with being some kind of halfassed ghetto-knockoff exalt, using the souls of all the previous slayers catalysed by a bit of third hand divine power from a demon when the Shadow Men set it up.
Review By [dialNforNinja] • Date [25 Jul 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue: A History Lesson" from MistofRainbows
Review:
Sort of a strange intro but it could be interesting depending on how you write the rest of it.
Review By [MistofRainbows] • Date [25 Jul 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue: A History Lesson" from DianeCastle
Review:
I thought you did a good job of presenting the required information without resorting to the painful 'Tom Clancy Wall O Text' that we all fear. :-) You might want to try developing a 'voice in your head' approach to writing dialogue like this, so each speaker has his own style of speaking; you did an okay job, but you could have made Giles more professorial when he's in lecture mode, with more emphasis on grammar and fancier words. The constant interruptions worked well to divide up the infodump and leaven it with humor.
Review By [DianeCastle] • Date [25 Jul 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue: A History Lesson" from Xelab
Review:
Interesting start! Looking forward to seeing where you will go with this!
Review By [Xelab] • Date [25 Jul 12] • Rating [8 out of 10]
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