I read this not quite a year ago and I'm reading it again to compare it to your 'HD' version. I remember when I read it the first time how I was trying to figure out what form of transportation she was trying to make. For the longest time I thought it was a golf-cart type unit. You kept giving hints along the way, but it took a while for me to figure it out. I spent a long time trying to come up with how she would recharge the electric cart. I thought it was an electric cart because they were available in Sate(whatever) have a bad memory. I thought she was going to have some sort of photovoltaic roof to recharge it.

When I found out it was a bike, it struck me as odd at first, then it made perfect sense, but making the chain had to be hard, very complicated. The lightning rods made me laugh, but also made sense. Not an action story, but very entertaining anyway, if fact I think it is the best 'non-action' story I've ever read.

Thanks for writing and sharing and I'm following the 'HD' version which I just started reading.

Thank you. Regarding the chain issue - the Satedans also had pedicab-style tricycles, which would have had similar chains, gears and pedals; those parts could be salvaged and adapted. The chain might have been the wrong length, or because of the salvage situation, she may have had to take sections from several and piece them together. But in either case, the individual chain links - much less the chain as a whole - did not have to be built from scratch.

The HD version made me impatient to reread the Lantean investgation and time travel reminded of another aspect none of the characters thought of.

The stories are all culturally significant--especially to someone from Earth--but no military or real technology secrets. The Earth folks had gotten so focused on the spy theory, time-traveller could have been using the stories to draw attention once caught up time-wise.

That's a good point - the content of the particular stories chosen. There would be some tech buried in her stories, but most of it is not modern (post-1945, say) tech, and in the few cases that it is, the stories don't give enough details to actually copy the tech. I think they were less focused on the stories themselves, though, than on the *source* of the stories - and their (flawed) reasoning that the only possible source was a hacker, and then jumping to the conclusion that such a hacker would have access to everything, not just the stories.

As for the re-reading, I've caught myself doing that as well; part of why the HD version is coming out so much more slowly than the original.

I know you've restarted the story in "HD," but I gotta say, this is awesome as is. Very nice and a lovely read. Thank you.

Thank you! And thanks for reading!

The HD version is keeping most of the plot intact; I'm just having fun amping up the descriptions and the feel of things... the environmental stuff that got left to the readers' imagination in this version. For example, there's a scene in chapter five or so, where she checks her watch at night; in the HD version it actually mentions her pushing the button to make the watch light up.

great story would love to see what happens next

great story would love to see what happens next

This is amazing. Dawn could have been too perfect, but she's just flawed enough. The details are brilliant and bring the story to life. I love the emphasis on fighting with ideas, and the realistic dialog. Please start the sequel soon? Please with chocolate chip cookies on top?

I'm working on a revised version, with an eye toward a possible sequel. I hope you enjoy it.

this is not the first time ive read this story but last i checked it still had some way to go--lengthwise--and now that ive finished it, i feel like there should be a sequel. not because the plot wasn't well-developed and executed, but because there are still questions to be answered on both sides and situations to explore.

such as the question of if Dawn will ever be able to return/visit her home dimension and reunite w/ her family; whether the Ring Worlds will one day become one interplanetary government/loosely allied worlds or whatever; explore Dawn's alter egos more; when, if ever, she will have romantic interest or take a more active role in her "fight" against the wraith; whether she will come up with another idea, perhaps finding some way to access the magic of he home dimension or the current one, if there's any, or the powers of the Key...

so, im looking forward to one day reading a sequel or a series of one-shots/ficlets in this 'verse.

To answer one of those questions - I imagine that any socio-political reorganization of the Ring Worlds via peaceful means would require several years, if not at least a full generation (children who grew up with the postal system growing to adulthood and decision-making age, or at the very least, societies weaving themselves together in more ways than just sharing a postal system and a common storyteller). The threat of the Wraith, if not the Wraith themselves, would be actively interfering with that process all along the way, so it probably can't happen (at least, not as easily) until they are out of the picture. At the same time, the Ring Worlds, partially by design (see the Wraith devastation of Sateda), do not have the military technology or resources to start off as a military alliance akin to the Allies or the Federation, which might be the shorter path. Atlantis might serve as a catalyst there, but it would still take a long time; much longer than probably could be realistically told in a story (excepting the fact that one of the central characters is functionally immortal). Dawn may see that alliance - call it what you will, the Galactic Republic comes to mind - as the ultimate endgame, but she as well as anyone understands that it's years, if not decades or even centuries, down the road.

A superb story, and an ending that is so perfect, yet leaves me wishing for a sequel. Rodney will be going nuts once he hears from the gate crew.

Actually I like the ending and the passing on of the legend. :)

This was such an excellent story, and I really hope you decide to do a sequel in the future. I would love to see where this goes.

Great story.

# = # = # = # = # = # = # = # = # = # = # = #
"I am Grey. I stand between the candle
and the star. We are Grey. We stand
between the darkness and the light."
- Delenn, Babylon 5
# = # = # = # = # = # = # = # = # = # = # = #

EDIT: I hope you will get inspired to write a sequel.

Finally got back to this only to see it completed! I really hope you continue on in this world because you did a fantastic job with this story. Thanks again for sharing it with us.

a lovely crossover! I really liked the ring worlds and their culture.

Overall a lovely, warm story. Loved the ending - poor ickle soldiers lol

And Rodney will have a conniption when he reads their report - imagining that scene is making me laugh again. Thank you!

I really loved this story and look forward to a sequel should you write one. I kept going back and re-reading the newest chapters throughout my day. Oddly I like the last scene although of course I want more.

At first I was concerned about her using her keyness to get into Atlantis, that she'd slam into the shield sometime (there is an actual fanfic where that happens at SGC!) before I realized that if the shield was up she wouldn't be able to connect to the gate at all since she can't sense it with the shield up.

The only thing that bothers me is that the whole time after Dawn met Atlantis and gave them her Driver's License I kept expecting something about her eye color change being mentioned. You made a point of mentioning her eyes had turned green after ending up on the Giant Forest but never said anything again about it, unless I missed it???, but her DL wouldn't have had green eyes on it. Maybe it's an issue I can expect to be mentioned in a sequel?

I'd have to go back and look, I think it fell into the category of "there's bigger problems than that" in the chapter. But it would definitely come up eventually, of course.

edit 2/20/13: I went back and checked something. I had explained the green eyes thing in my original draft of Chapter 66. Then I rewrote the entire second half of the chapter and it got left out of the final version, and I never worked it back in later. (It was a couple paragraphs after Rodney's "presto!" line, and I rewrote the chapter from that point forward.)