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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from tosca
LOL! Nice outsider POV. :-)
Review By [tosca] • Date [22 Aug 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from meteoricshipyards
Except that it was sometimes difficult to know which group Nick and Wings were talking about, that was a fun story.


Tom A.
Review By [meteoricshipyards] • Date [20 Aug 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from bradsan
So that's how Fury lost his hair. "LOL"

love it
Comments from author:
you didn't really think he shaved it now did ya?
Review By [bradsan] • Date [9 Dec 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Kethric
"...a year or two out of college"

That phrase implies Fury, Nick Fury of all people, doesn't know how long the agent reporting to him has been out of college. Nick Fury probably knows down to the hour.

Typically, when names and nicknames are given, it's in the following format: Jonathan "Johnny" Storm. Typically. It's weird seeing "Johnny" before "Jonathan" when you have Wyatt getting his next assignment.

How do you judge a nationality by sight? Even after hearing someone, it's hard to make some of the judgments you made. Mexican? I have to shoot that down because many Central and some South Americans look and sound like Mexicans. Chinese and Taiwan? One is a nationality, one is a nation. To make it even better, it's not so much an ethnic difference betwixt the two, but a political one. The Taiwanese wanted democracy, and fought to get it via what was essentially a civil war (oh, and if you *really* want to nitpick what I just said, yes, there were aboriginal Taiwanese, but after four centuries of Chinese immigration, they've been pretty thoroughly assimilated, especially since they weren't that strikingly different to begin with. It's a similar situation to the Ainu people in Japan). Those are the ones that stand out, but it's typically rather difficult to see a person (the verbiage you used) and pick an ethnicity. Even being able to hear them (making "observe" a better word choice than "see") would have limited usefulness. People from South Africa sound remarkably Dutch, since, you know, it was a Dutch colony, so visual evidence could conflict with aural evidence. Another factor to consider is in many western countries, extensive ethnic populations and adoption exist. Consider Marcus Samuelsson ( in that he looks Ethiopian, but speaks English with a slight Swedish accent, because he was adopted and raised by a Swedish family. British and Australian will also look and sound similar, enough so that one would have to be intimately familiar with both accents to tell them apart by speech. Egyptian and Middle East? Nationality and geographic region, and again, visually and aurally, they are very similar. It may have been better to simply state that the girls were of various ethnic and national origins. I applaud the attempt to be precise, but this attempt lacked consistency and accuracy.

I say much of that lengthy paragraph, because my friends often refer to me as "vaguely ethnic" because literally no one has *ever* come close to guessing my ethnic background. The most common attempts are Mexican and Samoan, and well, that's just not even remotely close. Even the first language I learned to speak (Japanese) isn't much of a clue, because my dad was USAF.

Decent story, but a few simple changes could make it so much better. Although it may sound like I hated it, I don't. I just see some points it could be better, and have no desire to get into the mechanical issues such as punctuation errors. They are there, but they aren't significant enough to detract from the story. Thanks for an enjoyable few minutes of story reading.
Review By [Kethric] • Date [20 Nov 12] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from burmafrdnow
oh I do have to agree that Buffy probably was tempted to keep the Shield
Comments from author:
until she realized it didn't match her clothes or shoes
Review By [burmafrdnow] • Date [28 Oct 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from burmafrdnow
have to say that you can make some good points about Captain America

you just forgot one thing

Experience is always the most important thing in a fight to the death

Buffy has as has been said a GEOMETRIC advantage in that area

Those traits you described for Captain America can be pretty much added by mystical means to Buffy as well

Tactician; able to improvise almost instantly; etc

She has also experienced many forms of martial arts; and one caveat there:

there is a point where learning more is not all that helpful

All real warriors mix and match their styles to optimize thier individual ability

Many times that has been how Buffy has been described.
Comments from author:
I think that Cap's skill set is geared more for his leadership and tactical ability than his fighting skill. I admit to knowing the 616 Cap better than his Ultimate counterpart though.
While Buffy is a great fighter and good for solo missions she's not as skilled when it comes to joint or group planning. "I am the plan." is her idea of a tactical maneuver.
You also have to consider Buffy's training isn't for take downs like marvel heroes do but for quick kills. She isn't trained to disable an opponent she's trained to kill. If she didn't want to kill the Super Soldier then its likely she held back giving them about even standing on the battle field.
Review By [burmafrdnow] • Date [28 Oct 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from grd
Please do not end it there. This is too good and funny. Wonder if it is Fury's turn to spy on Buffy's world.
Comments from author:
we'll have to wait and see where the wind blows my muse
Review By [grd] • Date [28 Oct 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from djhardim
To be fair to Fury, his error regarding Xander was understandable. Xander was wearing an eyepatch.

I was reading the Marvel entry for Ultimate Steve Rogers. I have a question in my mind how this fight would have actually gone.

Frankly, I'm a bit bothered by the attitude in the last section. I'd love to see the following happen -

"Just where do you think you're going?"

"We have to leave."

"No you aren't. You're at least partially responsible for this mess (handing them brooms and dustpans). You're not leaving until this mess is cleaned up."

Edit: From above site:

Enhanced Human Mental Process: His mental performance has been greatly enhanced, allowing his mind to; process information quickly, giving him an accelerated learning aptitude, a knack for quickly analyzing multiple information streams (e.g., threat assessment) and rapidly respond to changing tactical situations, eidetic memory (meaning that he never forgets anything and has perfect recall), speed read, and high deductive/reasoning skills.

Master Martial Artist: Captain America he has mastered numerous martial arts like marine combat, muay-thai, boxing, judo and jiujitsu. He engages in a daily regimen of rigorous exercises (including aerobics, weight lifting, gymnastics, and simulated combat) to keep himself in peak condition.

Master Tactician and Strategist: Captain America is "a tactical genius". He has been widely considered one of, if not the greatest, tacticians on the planet both on and off the battlefield. He's capable of formulating sufficient victory plans in "less than a second", and his brilliant tactical sense allows him to just as quickly alter any strategy of plan to fit the needs of the situation, one example of the latter is changing his World War II crew's pre-articulated plan within thirty seconds of drop-time after observing the approaching battlefield's variables, while commenting "the [original] plan had a hole the size of Iowa". These seem to verify Nick Fury's comment that Cap "learns new skills faster than a damn computer".
Comments from author:
It was my respect for the Captain America character that had me seeing to it that Cap didn't lose. No one can ever argue Cap's got the skills. As for a cleanup crew I doubt that Ultimate Fury would have stopped at that.
Review By [djhardim] • Date [28 Oct 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from ivanjedi
Awww, it so happens that I like most versions of Fury's character, so I have only one thing to tell you
Stop trying to give him an ulcer!!! :D
Comments from author:
part of sitting in the big chair is being the one that has to deal with the ulcer's. Besides part of the challenge was to make Fury P.O
Review By [ivanjedi] • Date [28 Oct 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from evilredknight
Fine Idea. Worked OK.
I have to agree about the Captain vs. Buffy.
Buffy has a geometric level of more Hand to hand experience against super human foes then he does.
As for training? Captain at this place and time would be well trained in U.S. combative systems taught to soldiers in WW2 he does not have years of training in multiple martial art systems.

But you know what my first thought was? You should have used Halloween as a theme. I don't mean YAHF.
I mean the Slayers were having a Halloween party that the dimensional raiders interrupted.

How big a mind-f*** would it be for Fury to see a bunch of girls dressed as pirates, princesses, video game characters, etc. fighting big lizard men? With Buffy dressed up in some kind of Captain America analog outfit? Fury would be tearing his hair out(if he had any).

By the way?
"I saw Russian, Italian, American, British, Japanese, Chinese, Taiwan, Mexican, French, Australian, Egyptian, Middle East, and a few that I couldn’t recognize..."
Just how do you tell if someone is any of these nationalities just by looking at them?
Comments from author:
you can figure a lot about a person by skin, clothing, hair style, vocal patterns (you don't really think all those slayers were silent types now do you?), and other things that I don't know. While I'm not an expert at it I've an uncle who can id people's nationality within a few minutes of talking to them. course he travels the world so has experience with that sort of thing. Besides do you really think that Fury wouldn't of had analysts examining every bit of data to learn what he could about the group?
As for the costume idea yeah that would have been amusing.
Review By [evilredknight] • Date [28 Oct 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Harry
Something tells me that Fury is NOT going to be happy once he gets the truth from Buffy and her band of Slayers. He is going to be growling and demanding answers and he is NOT going to like the answers that he will get.
Comments from author:
eh first he'll have to find them before they have to worry about that.
Review By [Harry] • Date [28 Oct 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Bobboky
Comments from author:
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [28 Oct 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from ReallyBored
Oh, wow . . .I really liked your story. And, while I TRY not to nit-pick, burmafrdnow does have a point--About the Captain's combat experience.

The Captain, even back in WWII, never saw the level or degree of combat a Slayer ordinarily shouldered, in her 6-12 month life span. For that matter, he's never really experienced the pressures, and wear and tear, of near constant combat conditions, with little to no support. He was frozen for seventy years, and had only been active for a handful of years after that.

Buffy had been active for seven years before the Baby Slayers show up. She has survived thousands of melee battles with super strong opponents, even a Hell goddess.

The Captain has never been tested under truly extreme conditions, the Slayers, especially Buffy, have.

Overall, it was still a very good story. And, if, at some point in the future, you feel like expanding it into additional chapters, I'll enjoy reading it!

Thank you.
Comments from author:
glad you enjoyed it. as for more well we'll have to wait and see if the muse can come up with anything else.
Review By [ReallyBored] • Date [27 Oct 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from misterwhy
Great story.

The very idea of Captain America getting his ass handed to him by a slip of a girl is quite hilarious. Even if that girl is Buffy. I'm surprised she didn't grab his shield when he last threw it at her and take it with her as a souvenir!

I'm not feeling sorry for the giant men. Damaging a mall is bad and that is probably why the mini-slayers roughed him up. They rightly saw the error of their ways, it seems, and learned to follow the leadership of the Xan-man.

As for Nick Fury attempting to take control of Willow...
Should he ever have opportunity to get that far, I'm sure he'll need a lot more than luck to get him through the day.

Once again, thank you for a great story. The potential for a follow-up is fantastic. Just needs a lot of planning though.
Comments from author:
It wouldn't match any of Buffy's clothes which is why buff didn't bother taking it. Fury wanting control of the scoobies is just going to result in a headace though.
GLad ya enjoyed it.
Review By [misterwhy] • Date [27 Oct 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from WolfWriter
If S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Council ever do cross paths again, on purpose or not, it is not going to end well, if someone does something stupid.

And guaranteed, someone is going to do something EXTREMELY stupid.

Great ficlet though.
Comments from author:
Well with the scoobies on one side and Tony Stark on the other there's bound to be someone that is going to say or do something stupid.

GLad you enjoyed it.
Review By [WolfWriter] • Date [27 Oct 12] • Not Rated
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