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Wayward Hero

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Review of chapter "Chapter 9pt2" from (Recent Donor)tchizek
Review:
Very cool chapter!

Tom
Comments from author:
Im glad you like it.
Review By [(Recent Donor)tchizek] • Date [24 Jun 13] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter9: Study,dinner,and a fight" from (Recent Donor)tchizek
Review:
Interesting chapter, I hope bb and Raven can work something out.
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review.
Review By [(Recent Donor)tchizek] • Date [22 Jun 13] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Eight: Questions & A Show" from (Recent Donor)tchizek
Review:
Interesting story, I like it.
Review By [(Recent Donor)tchizek] • Date [24 May 13] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Eight: Questions & A Show" from Valandar
Review:
Umm, Sama does not mean teacher - it means "one who is of superior social station to me". The honorific you are looking for is probably "Sensei"
Comments from author:
The honorific is used in the wrong sense on purpose as a way to get on Raven's nerves, not in the proper sense of teacher. But thanks for looking out.
Review By [Valandar] • Date [11 May 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One: A New Town, A New Name" from RafMereC
Review:
I like it.

A little on the rough side. Just go over it. It needs a bit of an edit. Most are small mistakes if you read it you'll see stuff like im should be spelled I'm and so.

Good luck with the next chapter.


Post it and experience will come. Rough start but not bad.

Raf
Review By [RafMereC] • Date [16 Nov 12] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One: A New Town, A New Name" from Rod
Review:
My initial confusion was my own fault for not noticing the "non-crossover" icon. Sadly, life didn't get better once I had straightened that out in my head.

The opening paragraph of a story is the stall you set out before potential readers to attract them in. It sets the tone for what follows, giving us an idea of what your writing style is as well as what the story is about. It should intrigue us, excite us, inform us, or at the very least catch our attention.

Unfortunately this opening paragraph has inconsistent tenses, an uncapitalised city name (I assume you meant "Jump City", not "jump city"), missing apostrophes, clauses stapled willy-nilly onto sentences, and unorthodox typography to represent thoughts. That's not a great image to offer us of the care you've put into this story. It was also emotionally flat as a pancake; the only feel that I had for the first-person narrator by the time the paragraph finished was that he, she or it would have to be incredibly pretentious to think "Is this the famous city Im [sic] looking for?"

Needless to say, I didn't read on.
Comments from author:
I know that this chapter is on the rough side, but please if you can try and read through it i hope the ending and subsequent chapters are more to your liking. And thank you for taking the time to craft this review instead of just leaving one stating how much you hate it.
Review By [Rod] • Date [15 Nov 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One: A New Town, A New Name" from BaileyMatutine
Review:
This is a horrendous self-insert and there is no mention of any Hellmouthverse characters.
Comments from author:
Well, while this sit may be a good 80% crossovers. There are stories that are not a part of the Buffyverse, and this is one of them. And if you don't like it...ehh read something else. Im gonna keep updating it as i look over all of the old chapters.

And hey im as much a Buffy fan as the next, but really dude calm it down.
Review By [BaileyMatutine] • Date [15 Nov 12] • Rating [1 out of 10]
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