Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
using
 paypal
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

The Courier: Storyteller (#1)

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Review of chapter "Alone" from Selias
Review:
Seriously? You don't tell us the name of the fucking MAIN CHARACTER until chapter five?
Comments from author:
It was meant to be a surprise. It doesn't require profanity. And, may I remind, this issue was mentioned in the opening author's note?
Review By [Selias] • Date [20 Sep 13] • Rating [1 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Invention" from deathgeonous
Review:
This is nice. It's actually better then the original. Thanks for writing this, and goodbye for now. Now on to part two.
Review By [deathgeonous] • Date [11 Sep 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Invention" from serenityselena
Review:
I love this story ^_^
Review By [serenityselena] • Date [3 Sep 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Invention" from JimmX
Review:
I'm generally skeptical about rewrites, but you've managed to do quite a good job here. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Comments from author:
Thanks. I think the difference there is that unlike most rewrites, I wasn't taking a story with a failed plot and trying to fix it. I left the basic plotline alone, actually.
Review By [JimmX] • Date [30 Aug 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Invention" from Obsidian
Review:
awesome! Loving it! look forward to reading the others, thank you!
Comments from author:
"Mailbox Mystery" is the second part of the story (currently in progress)... both are rewrites of the original edition of "The Courier", which is still posted if you want to read the whole thing.
Review By [Obsidian] • Date [28 Aug 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Invention" from jakedaman
Review:
I've really enjoyed this story. Especially since you've added elements of the 1632 series. Thank you.
Comments from author:
Those were in the original version as well.. but yes. I'm a big 1632 fan.
Review By [jakedaman] • Date [25 Aug 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Electrolytes" from WebSpyder
Review:
Enjoying the story quite a bit so far. Just one thing though... Michelle Trachtenberg is 5'6" and wears a size 7 shoe. Assuming Dawn is physically the same as Michelle, size 11 feet would be boats!
Comments from author:
I couldn't find any references to her size myself at the time I wrote that, and I figured that it was possible she (Dawn, the character, not necessarily Michelle) wasn't up to her full size yet during the series. So it was just a bit of artistic license, but I mentally was picturing her at something more like 5'9" or 5'10", and size 11 (women's) shoes wouldn't be abnormally large for that, more like high end of average. My mom is shorter than Michelle and wears 8 1/2's, BTW.
Review By [WebSpyder] • Date [14 Aug 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Invention" from BrendanM
Review:
I really enjoyed this.
Comments from author:
Thank you! I hope you enjoy part II (The Mailbox Mystery).
Review By [BrendanM] • Date [12 Aug 13] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Invention" from Thedruid
Review:
Very nice. Don't offer see rewrites actually get better. Looking forward to more!
Comments from author:
Thanks! Part of the difference there might be that unlike most rewrites, this one wasn't trying to change the overall plot... just stretch it out a bit, add in some details that were left unsaid in the original version, that sort of thing... not correcting a massive plot error or something, which I've seen done and it never seems to go well.
Review By [Thedruid] • Date [11 Aug 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Invention" from AnFan
Review:
Great rewrite! I love the additional material. You've done a great job of fleshing out parts, and adding in things that the reader had to assume happened in the original.

I do see one possible corner you are writing yourself into though. That is, that you've split the story at a point where the nature of her bike is unknown. And you have used that unknown in the second part. Given that, it would be awkward to write a sequence in between those parts w/o describing her bike and it's usage. Now, the solution is to just have the SGA's ignorance be funny to the locals, and have the reader laugh along with them. Or, if you don't want the locals involved in the joke, just a joke to the readers that the SGA teams can't figure out what is going on.

And, the reason I haven't been reading and reviewing is that I wanted to wait till you had finished the update. I very much enjoyed reading this again, but I thing reading it chapter by chapter and waiting for each new part would have aggravated me a bit.

I'm glad you attached it as a sequel to the original, that notified me when you started this, and it also notified me when you started the next part. That let me decide to read this one and I appreciate getting the notice. (hmm, have to check but I think I have you on new story notification also)

The rewrite is also good enough to get a recommendation from me. I look forward to reading the next part once you've finished that as well. :D
Comments from author:
Not as awkward as I think you think (if that makes sense)... the in-between sequence would be prior to contact with Atlantis, similarly to the first story - it's all Dawn and the locals. *If* I do end up writing such a piece, or collection of pieces, it would be scenes from the time in-between, probably including the actual setup of the network, and yes, that would necessarily include the bike. But remember - if it's the only bike out there, the locals won't have a word for it (except what the Courier provides, which could just be something generic like 'machine' and/or a proper name and/or something metaphorical like 'metal horse'... the SGA folks wouldn't necessarily recognize it from a description like that), know how to use it themselves, etc... so the Atlantis crew is still "playing telephone" through a very bad connection.
Review By [AnFan] • Date [10 Aug 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Invention" from TheLandYacht
Review:
Your comment at the end of this story outlines the one and only...call it complaint if you like, although it was just sort of disappointing...about the original version.

I would have loved to see more of the setting up & operation of The Courier herself.

But you're right to set it into a separate story...and AFTER seeing the end-result. Here's my reasoning. By writing your "sequel", you allow the reader to have some of the same sort of "suspense" felt by the Atlantis team, wondering who these people are, not knowing that they're all one person.

Then come back later to write the "how did this happen bit" as a sort of flashback. I love it!

Looking forward to many happy hours reading your stories.
Comments from author:
Yes... your reasoning is exactly what I was tinking last summer when I pounded out the original version. I was on a roll and that felt like where the story needed to go.

But when I got to the end and readers suggested a sequel... that's the story that came to mind and I started to regret that I posted the Courier as a single story instead of a series. That has now been corrected... just to allow for that sequel if and when it gets written. (Or a collection of short flashes or a mixture of both.)
Review By [TheLandYacht] • Date [10 Aug 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Invention" from RevDorothyL
Review:
Excellent! Looking forward to reading the next story.
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [10 Aug 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Invention" from AllenPitt
Review:
Having her special ability..excuse me, secret device... will help quite a bit. Though it might tempt someone to try and steal her bike, I suppose. But by the time that occurs to someone, she'll be The Courier, providing a valuable service, and the locals would be quite angry at anyone who messed with that.
This whole thing is very low level and innocuous, unlikely to attract any Wraith attention; yet it helps link multiple worlds, boosts their economies, warns about Wraith activity and so on. Good use of what she has.
Comments from author:
Perhaps, but like you said, the legend should protect it. Also the fact that it's a bike, actually... because if it's the only one, nobody else would know how to ride it.

And yes, it's a very subtle, almost behind-the-scenes type of thing. Even if the Wraith found out that something was going on, it might be difficult for them to figure out what it was, because they would be thinking in terms of "prey animals" and "insufficient technology". The reason they destroyed Sateda, and the reason (later on) that they see Atlantis as such a threat, is because the rest of the galaxy really doesn't have the technological capacity to threaten them.
Review By [AllenPitt] • Date [10 Aug 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Invention" from Eureka
Review:
Really enjoyed reading this story and am left wondering what the next one will be called so I can watch for it.
Comments from author:
I'll make it really obvious. ;)
Review By [Eureka] • Date [10 Aug 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Invention" from Bobboky
Review:
very good
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [10 Aug 13] • Not Rated
Page: 1 of 7 next end
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking