Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

Ship of the Line: Ascendant Justice

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Review of chapter "Fun House" from (Past Donor)boo
Oh. I really like this story. You're doing a great job weaving everyone together. I really hope you plan on finishing this. I'd like very much to read the rest of the story. :). Thanks!
Review By [(Past Donor)boo] • Date [10 May 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Fun House" from Traveler
After every chapter you ask for comments or thoughts. Here is one for you, it has been almost 10 months since this chapter was posted. I along with the other fans of this story really would like it to continue and would be happy to see a chapter soon. Please up date and thank you for sharing.
Review By [Traveler] • Date [2 May 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Fun House" from Shadestar
keep up the good work. what about upgrades for everyone else? and how about the scoobys going on a mission with the sg-1?
Review By [Shadestar] • Date [31 Jan 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Fun House" from Traveler
Good story and thanks for sharing. Please update soon.
Review By [Traveler] • Date [18 Nov 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Fun House" from SpacedCadet
Please UPDATE!!!
Comments from author:
I'll try, but I'm in the middle of physical therapy for back damage and a writing brain freeze which is also being affected by the work on my spine. If you have any suggestions for the story tell me and it might break the freeze!!!!!
Review By [SpacedCadet] • Date [10 Nov 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Fun House" from Bill
NICE! That's a lot of bang to put at Jack, Jon and Xander's fingertips.
Review By [Bill] • Date [15 Sep 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Fun House" from AlecMcDowell
I think after this point, a small time skip, anywhere from a few months to a couple of years, might be the best thing to do- you can skip over shifting relationship issues, smooth out the program to get international support at both the SGC and on the AJ, maybe even have them just finishing up the factories and such needed to start building UNSC warships. And it would be enough time to get a few general tech advances out into the public sphere, material sciences to eventually allow for space elevators, power generation to create fusion reactors, ways to decrease greenhouse gases, things like that. And the Scoobies will have graduated by that time as well, so you can start working out sending them on small raids, scouting trips, etc. The UNSC made valuable use of terraforming technology on dozens of worlds in the Local Cluster so they could even start going around and starting up a few off the gate network colonies to be finished in a few years (Reach specifically comes to mind for this)

As for back on the Hellmouth, I say bring in Kendra and give her her own team of Scoobies to work with and just check in on them every so often- Oz, Cordelia, eventually Tara, maybe even Faith... even people like Jonathan and Larry could be involved and free up the Xander and co to keep focusing on the goa'uld and all of that.
Review By [AlecMcDowell] • Date [4 Sep 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Fun House" from Jilly
Just read your story and enjoyed it very much. I'm glad to see you're continuing with it! I really appreciate that it's well written and has clearly been well edited! Lots of interesting details. I rather liked the way you handled the whole Angel story line. And I love the addition of Jon to the team! Blending in that episode was great.

It seems like you've introduced a lot of potential plot points and things that need to be tied up, so I'd hope you'd tighten up the plot and focus it a bit. The focus of the characters isn't clear to me... space war or demons? Training for war or highschool? The natural course seems to be going the alien/stargate plot route since space ships are more useful for fighting a space war rather than a sub-terrestrial war/inter-dimensional war. And with Giles, Joyce, SG-1 and Cortana, seems like the kids' education should be handled. Although, with all the extra knowledge in their heads, not clear why they'd need to do anything but take tests??

It would be nice to have the US government deal with handling the hellmouth. Wouldn't having a presidential order twist Richard Wilkins in a knot :-) OH! And you could have what's left of the watchers' council have to manage the hellmouth as a form of community service for their misdeeds!

Just some random thoughts... I really like what you've done so far. Thanks for sharing.
Comments from author:
May I just say? Thank you.

I've been having trouble figuring out all the pieces. I don't usually plan out my stories ahead of time because it can interfere with the writing of the story for me, the catch is that it becomes really easy for small things to stump you. I'm also writing this without any input except for reviews, every time I try to get even minor help from the people around me they make it very clear they don't want to be bothered by me. This results in my having to do everything from research to brainstorming to sorting out unintended knots and trying not to overpower/overprotect the characters, especially if the presented threat lvl is high enough. I also do my own editing. While doable all of this is... occasionally overwhelming and writers block inducing.

You've really helped by laying those pieces out for me. Again thank you.
Review By [Jilly] • Date [27 Jul 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Fun House" from Morgomir
Another great chapter. Keep up the good work.
Comments from author:
I'm glad that you enjoyed it.
Review By [Morgomir] • Date [27 Jul 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Fun House" from ordieth
What type of story do you want to write? Political intrigue? Action? Adventure? Drama? Romance? Heh. You can take almost all possible plots and make any of those story types the focus of the story. The rest is just details.

As for me, I would like to see some action/adventure. You could have invasions of either demons or aliens or both. You could turn it into a space drama, allowing weird combinations of magic and technology as they hunt down weird aliens; be they goa-uld or not.

You could introduce other crossovers, either by dimension hopping, or galaxy-sharing. Probably not needed though. Buffy, SG, and Halo have plenty of enemies of their own.
Comments from author:
I think I'd like Action/Adventure, my patience with Drama and Romance (at least writing them) is stretched, partly because I don't notice all of the social signals for what they are and as a result reproducing them in the correct context if at all becomes... tricky.

As for Political intrigue... lets just say that it can and has in the past made me physically ill whether RL or fiction. I can see too many pieces of it and it tends to show more of the soul as well as the corrupting influence of the situation on the soul far too well. Its... disconcerting to watch as a person's very soul, aura, and bio-field visibly become tainted or darker, even if it sometimes clears up a little later due to the removal of interaction/interest in the intrigue. Makes me great at countering someone who wants to manipulate me or deal with idiotic powerplays but not so nice if you're going to willingly interact with that part of any world.

As for the dimension hopping, I'd dearly love to but I'm not sure if that would disqualify me from the Ship of the Line challenge.... The galaxy sharing has possibilities but I need to just plain re-read the story myself and consider if I want to play anywhere else, and if so how, when, and where. Why is not necessarily required but it would make a better in-depth story.
Review By [ordieth] • Date [26 Jul 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Fun House" from AndreaMaine
I think that somehow or another Spartan Xander needs to start a Spartan program, but not run in a fashion like Dr. Halsey's or even the one ran by the Intuitive.
Comments from author:
Something that I would love to integrate. I just need to figure out how....
Review By [AndreaMaine] • Date [23 Jul 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Fun House" from Bobboky
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [22 Jul 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Fun House" from DragonBard
Nice, but short.
Review By [DragonBard] • Date [22 Jul 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Fun House" from MistofRainbows
I love the idea of running the council teams through a lot of trouble and obstacle courses. It seems somewhat fitting for the group of creepy morally grey idiots.
Review By [MistofRainbows] • Date [22 Jul 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Fun House" from CageFire
Great new chapter, keep up the good work. :)
Review By [CageFire] • Date [22 Jul 13] • Not Rated
Page: 1 of 14 next end
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking