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Ship of the Line: An Unquenchable Fire

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Review of chapter "'War Goddess Descending'" from Morgomir
Great chapters. Keep up the good work.
Review By [Morgomir] • Date [19 Apr 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'War Goddess Descending'" from SilverWave
Well..... that was refreshingly different :-)


Review By [SilverWave] • Date [18 Apr 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'War Goddess Descending'" from Gideon
Fantastic chapter - even the title is awesome!
I hope you haven't forgotten the Gouald fleet that should be arriving any time soon? It would be typical if they arrived in orbit when Bufflene is trying to get Willow back to the medical facilities. At least Willow's wound shouldn't be too bad for Star Wars tech to heal and all the cybernetic organs will be on the inside where they will be out of sight :) Provided of course that Willow lasts long enough to make the trip :(
I hope that seeing Willow again will strengthen the Buffy persona because I would hate to lose that aspect of her character. I can just imagine Buffy and Tallene trading control back and forth when trying to decide how to deal with the US Air force or other terrestrial persons. I can't see Tallene being impressed by the president but she will need Buffy's knowledge to talk to him effectively. Maybe Taluffy will meet Giles along the way too - he could be useful as a native guide to Earth.

I hope you don't end up killing off Jack just so the stargate side has a share of the character death. I feel like Jack could understand a bit of where Buffy is coming from, with her crippling guilt and all. He won't be impressed by Tallene's attitude though, even if she can back up her awesomeness.
Importing the force into the Buffyverse is an interesting idea too. I don't think I have seen anything like it before. Usually we see Buffy drawn into the Star Wars universe where she has to use the force, or she stays home and the force either co-exists with magic or the force just has no effects in the Buffyverse at all.
I wonder how Kendra will deal with all this? If the Slayer is unchanged but any magic using opponent is depowered then she is much more effective. Have Buffy and Kendra met at this point in the series? Even if they have I would expect their next meeting to set a few sparks flying!
Review By [Gideon] • Date [29 Mar 14] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'War Goddess Descending'" from PATM
Xander murdered by a puppetized Buffy is pretty dark, anything after that is shock that is sustained by horror followed by more horror. In other words please don't let this one languish.
Review By [PATM] • Date [28 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "'War Goddess Descending'" from GuillermoVega
This is good. Really good. Highly entertaining.

I for one am super excited that there is a huge military host is descending upon Sunnydale. The authorities are surely going to be going over the place with a fine toothed comb to find out why the aliens attacked. With Stargate involved wouldn't Mayor Wilkins be poster boy for possible Gould infiltrator? And then we've got vampires running around…

Obviously, this story is going to be space focused but I still think it would be neat to see at least glimpses of such repercussions…

Also please tell me that Willow is going to go Sith. I think it would be a cool parallel with what happened to her in the show. I mean that's pretty much exactly what happened. The Dark Side took over and she went straight Anakin levels of switching instantly evil (but with better justification…)

Ps. Also I find that one dude complaining about killing off Buffyverse magic and replacing it with the Force since they apparently work just alike (Seriously, though I love the show but Willow just sucks the spells out of random books at the Magic Shop and become super powerful. That's pretty silly and shows that there isn't really anything solid about the show's magic system. Certainly not enough to get all riled up about it being deleted in just this one story)

Anyway, I hope you keep writing and post another chapter soon! Please do!
Review By [GuillermoVega] • Date [28 Mar 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'War Goddess Descending'" from bentwelve
A very good story. I can say I enjoyed every bit of this fine work. A lot of stories on here are very clearly the work of amatuers and can certainly be nice in their own way.

But this is pretty amazing. My only problem would be that it doesn't seem that you finish too many stories and that there is a pretty big wait between chapters. So sad about that.

But otherwise, really looking forward to what you have planned next.

Question: Are you going to merge their minds, kill off Buffy or Taleene? I think I'd miss either if that were to happen but maintaining the divide is also not optimal. Huh. I don't know what would be best there.

Anyway, thanks for writing this!
Comments from author:
Hey there, and thank you for your kind words.
After fifteen years of doing this, I'm not sure I --quite-- belong in the 'amateur' category, but if we're going by number of copies of my stuff sold on, then my 'Published Author' cred, while present, is so minimal as to barely register.

I guess the most accurate thing you could say is that I treat everything I write very seriously, and I work hard to make it good... with varying degrees of success.

::My only problem would be that it doesn't seem that you finish too many stories and that there is a pretty big wait between chapters. So sad about that.::

I hear you, believe me, I hear you.
And I'd like to change that, which is why I'm now trying... a certain thing, which I'm not supposed to talk about, but you can find links at the end of the story. My hope is that by going that route, I can change both those things; I can devote more time to writing, and bringing things out on a regular basis, and also make progress on stories that have been sitting around, half-finished, for much too long.

::But otherwise, really looking forward to what you have planned next.::

Big plans: I haz dem.

::Question: Are you going to merge their minds, kill off Buffy or Taleene?::

That's a really good question, and to be honest, I'm not 100% sure at this point.
I go into stories, and then later chapters, with a plan and various things I want to show and do, but once things get rolling, some of the best stuff comes out of nowhere, and I end up a bit surprised at where things end up.
So, right now I know what I want with the Buffy/Taleene thing, but as I think about the upcoming chapters it feels like something else wants to happen instead. I really won't know for sure until I write it.

::Anyway, thanks for writing this!::

You are most welcome, and thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on it with me.
Review By [bentwelve] • Date [25 Mar 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'War Goddess Descending'" from Darkblood
love it, hope to see more soon.
Comments from author:
Trying to get more out there soon, definitely.
Review By [Darkblood] • Date [24 Mar 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'War Goddess Descending'" from sunrisereader
Thank you for writing this great story cant wait till i get to read more
Comments from author:
Thank you so much!
Next chapter is in the works; that's all I can say at the moment.
Review By [sunrisereader] • Date [24 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "'War Goddess Descending'" from Eukar
Great chapter. Definitely worth the wait and I can't wait to see what happens next. I hope this angst from Buffy/Tallee is resolved quickly and I wonder if you will have a scene/s showing Joyce's reaction to the news coverage and possibly the civilian reaction to this "invasion".
Comments from author:
Hey, thanks again!
Buffy vs. Taleene should be (mostly) cleared up in the next chapter, I think, other than maybe a few small lingering traces.
Reactions on the ground to what's happened.... That seems like a reasonable thing to show, at least a glimpse here and there. And Joyce, obviously, will be losing her mind over all this, yes.
Review By [Eukar] • Date [24 Mar 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'War Goddess Descending'" from zanviller
What a phenomenal story! I've been fully pulled into the story so far and the writing is excellent. I'm a big Xander fan and it's a total shame he was killed off, but it's still an amazing story. I'm not sure how this could possibly have a happy ending unless it goes totally sapphic Buff/Willow. It seems like everyone else got killed off, including Buffy, in a way. Willow showed her obvious attraction to Buffy in the first chapter and with Xander gone, and hopefully the soon to be saved by Buffy, a relationship could blossom. The air combat scene in the last part was excellently written and had me on the edge of my seat. Magic seems to have totally left Earth, what effect will that have on the Hellmouth? Will Glory be even able to use Dawn in her current form? Will her key-nature effect the super-SD in some way? Will the Asgard interfere in defense of Earth? Will Buffy negotiate with SG1 to forgive and forget? Will the Ascended Ancients do something?
All this and more, next time on dragon ball... Uhm, I mean, A Ship Of The Line: An Unquenchable Fire
Review By [zanviller] • Date [24 Mar 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'War Goddess Descending'" from Vianca
I (truly) hope you will revive Xander, might actually make a nice quest, with Xander´s body being put on ice for the main time. (like Han Solo was in Episode 5)
Buffy & Dawn now face a possible problem, getting fuel AND blaster gas.

Seems Buffy now has a split personality.
But why did you destroy magic?
Afterall, it´s just the cheat code system of the uni/multi-verse.
Though you could have twisted it so you also have to be a force user to use magic.
Mmm, that could make sense, in a twisted kinda way.

Anyway, on with the view.
I always found the main flightdeck of a Venator to be a great place for a construction ship.
While not trek, I always find them great candidates for SCE starships and with trek you could get away with it (with a lot of work) by using Vulcan warp-rings.
But for Tie´s, the Venator her main flightdeck is on the wrong side of the ship, with Tie´s, those top doors should be on the underside, so you could fast launch all those Tie´s by dropping them from their racks, in one big launch.
Could be something for future modifications, though.
Or you could take the Harrower design and put two Venator main flightdecks in it´s nose, with the top being a construction deck and the bottom one being a Tie launch deck.

Take a look at the Catamaran Star-Destroyers, they basically a Star Destroyer split in two, except each halve has the gear that sat on the splitting line, intact and the engine parts that were in the other halve is re-arranged in between both halves in a vertical way, instead of the horizontal way, giving you the engine power of two SD´s, but if you close the forward gap between the hull halves and put a wedge nose back on, you go from a 1.5km catamaran star destroyer to a 2.8km super star destroyer.

No, Buffy her main problem will be man power or should that be people that know how to design new stuff?
Afterall, she could overcome the man-power problem by going the Trade Federation route, until she gets her first Jaffa.
O boy, tell me she won´t become a host, that could be plain bad(ness) or entirely of the good(ness), depending on the faction.
Though Egeria could be a good option for Buffy/Taleene, she might just understand were she came from, the Tok´ra were partly created out of spite, when you think about it.

Say, now that I think about it, did you make the Watchers a off-shot of some Force-user group, like the Jedi?
Even though they don´t know anything about this?
Afterall, you bounded Buffy to the Hellmouth in order to explain changes like why magic is apparently gone.

Heh, the Ascendant Ancients might now have a slight problem, it ain´t quite that quite anymore with all those force ghost around.
As for Holograms, you might like this one, especially the creator of it. ^,_,^´
So yes, Taleene might have created her own training room, even if the opponents are just custom made droids.
Also, most cloaks can be seen true, but masking who you really are, is always a good option, whether this is with a ship, hover-verhincle or body armor, it´s always handy.
So might I suggest a fusion between PROXY and the Dark Trooper type advanced battle droids & infantry exoskeletons project?
Yes, it would both give Buffy/Taleene a better combat armor & a possible training opponent, while it could also be used for future combat droids production.
Even handy if she ever gets a living crew for her ship (Jaffa???)

Now, what will Buffy/Taleene do after having rescued Willow?
When will a Gua´old(?) warship(s) arrive in Sol?
Or will we see Thor coming by to see "What The Hell" is going on???

Now do keep in mind, Anakin Skywalker and later Darth Vader, did have quite the technical mind, I can´t see Buffy having altered that to much, except for Darth Vader being a bit more active in it.
So would Anakin have had the Force ability of Mechu-deru?
Because if so, Darth Vader must have known the Sith variants as well, which means interesting things for Buffy/Taleene, nea?

Some side info, that might be useful.

And till the next time, just so you know, aluminum is the most normal fighter/plane building material and it goes bad around 2.6 times the speed of sound.
The speed you gave the prototype (X-44) O´Niell and Teal´c used, sound like the SR-71 Blackbird in terms of ability.
Suggest you look it up in Wikipedia, because the F22 is made from aluminum, not titanium.
Even then, the blackbird can´t fly low at those high speeds, she would still burn up, thanks to air resistance heating her up to much, thanks to a thinker atmosphere ad lower heights.
A good marker could be the Concorde her development, for you, beside the Blackbird her development.
On the other hand, the SGC is playing with alien stuff, so who knows what they added to that bird, just keep in mind the F-301, it needs to be crappier than that one, in order to make the F-301 their concentrated hope on holding off Gua´old(?) fighters & more.

These last two chapters seem like a three piece part or so it seems, thus I don´t have a proper view of the whole part and seem to be missing a few story facts to properly judge.
But I think Buffy/Taleene might be lucky if they have some Holocron that tells her how she could mend her accidentally created split-personality.
I also get the idea that you don´t want her to recover a certain alien tech that lets you revive the dead, by holding strong on a SGC problem of having wrecked them before they could capture/own them.
As for that Dark-Trooper, by combining the Space Trooper & PROXY plans, she could get something close to it.
Would let you give Buffy/Taleene something to do while she tries to pull herself back together, tinkering.
Basically, a hobby.
I recently saw a pic were a Jedi used the Force to telekinetically put a lightsaber together, by hovering all parts together, assembling it in mid.-air.
So you could combine a hobby with Force training, if you so wanted.

The basics look good, some things need another look over or some more back-ground on a later date, to properly explain.
One thing for you to wonder about, in Star Wars, the fighter crafts don´t seem to have HUD´s, but R2-D2 does have a holo-projector that's ideal for a high-tech HUB.
I can understand the Tie´s, since it might be already in the Tie-pilots their helms, like "Tony Stark" had it in his "Iron Man" armors.
Mmm, now that might be a source of tinkering inspiration, after her first capture.

Why do I bring this up?
Because if she doesn´t use somekinda hobby to keep herself calm & distracted, then she might get a tiny little bit destructive on the whole universe.
Afterall, a Sith-Slayer or Slayer-Sith hybrid seems to have heighten battle-lust & anger issues.

So, clear the min-point(s) up & ad the recover(y)/confrontation part and to me it´s golden.
Just keep in mind that Buffy/Taleene ain´t stable in their own mind and we don´t really know how stable Willow is right now, in more then one way.
So what ever path you take, keep it up.
Review By [Vianca] • Date [23 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "'War Goddess Descending'" from dhelm
Edge of my seat the whole chapter, and left me wondering what the Buffy/Taleene ratio will end up being.

Great writing.
Review By [dhelm] • Date [23 Mar 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'War Goddess Descending'" from Maltbib
Well, I for one am totally down for some cybernetic Willow.

And you have got to be crazy if you think there is something innately special about Buffyverse magic. It is purely a plot device there to serve whatever that episode's writer needs at the time. Replacing it with The Force is surely not blasphemy of any sort.

Great story. Carry on.
Comments from author:
Thank you for agreeing with me on the Force vs. Magic thing, but you guys don't have to defend me against other commentors' arguments.
I mean, it's pretty darn nifty that you DO... but you probably shouldn't. I don't want anyone to feel like they can't disagree with aspects of the story, so long as they're not just outright crazy (which does also happen sometimes).

Hmmmmm. I'm open to such a thing, yes.
Pondering.... Pondering....
Review By [Maltbib] • Date [23 Mar 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "'War Goddess Descending'" from SamDragon
Go Buffy, save Willow.
Comments from author:
If it CAN be done then she will do it.
So long as she gets there in time.
So long as she gets there in TIME.
Review By [SamDragon] • Date [23 Mar 14] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from MistofRainbows
For the record, I shouldn't write reviews late at night apparently.

I wasn't referring to Buffy not knowing that she was a Sith during the spell... that's perfectly normal. I was referring to her not really being able to tell the difference after. However on reflection, you explained about her being the focus of the spell so I can see things not working quite right.

Yeah, I get that Darth Vader is a cyborg but normally people went back to normal after the spell.

The force is in my opinion a stupid energy field with a idiotic bio-feedback loop. Maybe magic has some of that, but not to that extent. Want to toss lightning around... go darkside really fast. Magic lets you do everything the force can do and more. So yeah, I'm not a large fan of a magic system that basically wants light and dark to fight. Visions of futures that shouldn't come to pass other than the fact that people saw visions of the 'future'... I'll stick by the magic is better than a half intelligent force...

Also I didn't say it wasn't useful, I said it was less useful.

Maybe I'm just confused... unkillable freak in a mask with a machette sounds like Jason from Friday the Thirteenth... maybe I'm wrong and it was just some generic regenerating guy.

It's not about bad things happening to people, it's about things seeming pointless. Changing the spell to make Buffy keep her cybernetic replacements seems mean spirited. I'll admit that bad things happened in the show. Sometimes randomly, sometimes not. It just seems that this had a lot of random screwing people over.

Samuels was in character such as it is. Mostly I was referring to the president signing off on stuff like nuking a ship before talking to it. After writing that though, I'll admit I'm not sure where in the SG timeline the story is (beyond the Daniel alternate worlds part) and what president they have... so the good one might not be in office. So I'll admit that I can see some of the higher ups being that stupid. Jack and the rest were fine. Hammond was good.

Buffy verse has magic... continues to have magic... on the one hand.

On the other... one spell rewriting the Laws of magic over the whole universe ...

Okay which of these makes more sense? :)

You're right about the creative license bit though.

Sorry if the overall tone was negative. It's the bad parts (to me) that stick out. That said, good luck on the next chapter.
Comments from author:
--plants elbow on table, rests chin on hand, and regards you for a minute or two, gathering his thoughts--

Okay, I've gathered my thoughts.
I could go through this, responding to each point you make, but nearly all of them concern something that I don't HAVE to respond to, and neither should any writer worth a reader's time. Your problem, apparently, isn't with how I write, it's with WHAT I write... and, well, not to put too fine a point on it, but if you don't like WHAT I write, that's basically just too bad.
Now, before you get upset (if it's not too late for that), let me clarify.
As a writer, there are lots and lot (and LOTS) of things that I can do wrong. Issues like tone, pacing, characterization, even basic mechanics like punctuation. The logical consistency of a story, also, is incredibly important, and very much fair game for any critic to call me out on, and point out where I've failed.

But you're not addressing ANY of that when you're reviewing this story; you just don't like the story. You wish it was about something else, about a Star Wars story that's barely Star Wars, about a Stargate story featuring characters that have to relearn everything they thought they knew about the universe, to accomodate the Buffy verse. Basically, you want a crossover fic where the only valid story points are all Buffy-flavored.
Now, there's absolutely nothing wrong with a story like that; if you or someone else cares to write it, I'll gladly give it a read.
But my story, THIS story, isn't like that. And I'm sorry it fails to meet your criteria for a proper Buffy/Starwars/Stargate story, but just because it doesn't, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it.
I hate country music, with a fiery passion, but I wouldn't listen to a country song and then accuse the performer of not giving me a good example of straight ahead rock and roll.
This story is not to your taste; all well and good, and I'm sorry to hear that.
But really, if that's the case, all you can really tell me about that is 'This isn't my cup of tea'.
If I changed everything you call 'wrong', it would no longer be my story, it would be yours, and it would be no more 'right' than it was to begin with.

Does that make sense to you?

Specific points that I CAN help you with:

::On the other... one spell rewriting the Laws of magic over the whole universe ...::

Yes, it can. It's explained in detail in chapter three.

::Maybe I'm just confused... unkillable freak in a mask with a machette sounds like Jason from Friday the Thirteenth..::

Absolutely correct. Ethan's spell was still in force, and some poor kid dressed up as Jason.
--Facepalm-- AHHHHH! THAT'S the Jason you meant in the earlier review??? Gah, apologies, That happened three chapters ago, and I forgot all about that. Okay, he was 'annoying', was your comment? Well, fair enough, I guess that's one way of describing him.

::Mostly I was referring to the president signing off on stuff like nuking a ship before talking to it.::

Yep. As I said before, they did exactly that in the show (at the end of season one/start of season two, which is when this story is set). As Hammond and Jack discuss, it isn't even necessarily the wrong thing to do. Because if they assume the ship is peaceful, and it isn't, then Earth itself is forfeit. Is that a gamble you'd be willing to take?

Thanks for the ending well-wishes, I wish you luck also in your writing.
Review By [MistofRainbows] • Date [23 Mar 14] • Not Rated
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