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The Prophecy Of Harkness

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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from DieselDriver
Review:
This is a lot better than you seem to think. Authors seem to be a lot like women... Completely unqualified to properly judge their own appearance in the case of women and completely unqualified to judge their own work, in the case of authors. Let us decide. Your customers are the one true judge, even if all (it's a lot, not to be sneered at) you get is a demand for more.

More please!
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [30 Jul 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Past Donor)Charlotte
Review:
I started this series (beginning with this first story of course) and I've done so much searching because I'm confused by the character Seo. I haven't yet finished this , who is Seo?
Comments from author:
Oh, thanks for pointing this out to me, I didn't realize I hadn't included this in my summary of the series. The website wouldn't allow me to put "Happy Endings" first, which is the story that introduces her, because it's double-counted with another series.

...Perhaps it would make more sense to post "Happy Endings" to this series, and take it out of the other one?

Hm...

I think I'll do that, actually.

Anyways... yes! "Happy Endings" (also by me) explains who Seo is. Hope you keep reading!
Review By [(Past Donor)Charlotte] • Date [3 Apr 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Letomo
Review:
Oh, cute! I liked this story. Hopefully it helps Seo settle down a bit, not be quite so unbalanced.

And, I love that the Demons are calling it the 'Prophecy of Harkness', not even realizing it isn't a foreseeing, but a history lesson! You are so good at fitting the DW/TW mythology together with Buffy, and her future.

BTW, does Buffy know that Spike's corporeal again, yet, or is she still clueless?
Comments from author:
She knows. I keep trying to get Spike into my stories, but every time, the Spike scenes wind up on the cutting room floor. They just feel stuck-in, or else they're confusing.

Especially because I'm planning to incorporate Captain John Hart into the mix.

I think I need to understand the relationship between Spike and Seo a little better, before I can write their interactions. Also, I kind of feel like Spike is Buffy's, and I don't want Seo to detract from what Spike and Buffy have, together.

Hopefully, I'll work out a way to make it happen, at some point in the future.

Just wait until we get to Drusilla, though! I just wrote that story, and I think it turned out really well.
Review By [Letomo] • Date [30 Apr 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Mcspender
Review:
I liked it =)!.
I like the parts where Seo conned D'Hoffryn, that was very Doctor-like funny, and the tech demons trying to buy a nuke, was a riot xD.

So, unless Xander becomes a mind reader, Seo and him can't go into a more intimate relationship??. Buffy will be soo happy to learn about that little detail xD!!!.
And yeah, Kennedy is really unlikeable.

It was a cool fic, congratulations =).
Review By [Mcspender] • Date [27 Apr 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Gideon
Review:
I liked it. The best bit was Seo connecting with Dawn, leading to them both understanding themselves better.
The worst bit was the bit about Demons having rules and not killing each other. Demons are all about breaking rules, not keeping them!
Review By [Gideon] • Date [27 Apr 13] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from sean
Review:
You should put disclaimers not to eat or drink anything when reading this story. I unfortunately was taking a sip of some iced tea when I read this awesome line "decided the best way for the Tech Demons to win this upcoming civil war was to social-network their way to victory." and kind of got my computer with some tea, while choking on the rest while simultaneously laughing at the sheer badassery of that line. So thanks.
Review By [sean] • Date [27 Apr 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Runewolf
Review:
Great chapter. Completely original take on the prophecy, integrating the two canons in a unique way. Kudos!
Review By [Runewolf] • Date [27 Apr 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from wswords
Review:
The beginning of this story is not good. Not bad, just really bland, and not up to what you usually write. The ending (last third to last quarter) was really, really good.

The main problem with the beginning is that it puts the reader in with a bunch of demons who have little character and we have never met before, trying to do something with no (well) explained reason. Yes we know the first went away and evidently the invasion changed things, but it didn't feel that way.

I can't blame you for posting the story in its present state though. I can't see how you would improve the beginning to any great degree without having it become about as long as the rest of the story and that would make the whole thing drag way to much.

Also want to reiterate (I am writing this after the review of the other story you posted tonight) you should put a link and acknowledge that The Child of Balime is a continuation of The Adventures of a Line Hopper series. I mean this story doesn't even try and explain who Ria is, why she is working with the slayers, why Buffy would want her in charge.... There are a lot of things this story assumes the reader knows, because they were explained (well) in other stories that this series doesn't explicitly connect to.

Thought this was good though.
Comments from author:
Yeah, basically what I thought, too.

It did used to be about twice the length. But it was a lot worse.

Bits of it are good. Overall, not so much. Maybe I'll rewrite it, someday. When I'm less sick of it.

(By the way, just put in that connection of the Child Of Balime to Adventures of A Line Hopper, in the series introduction. Thanks for the tip.)
Review By [wswords] • Date [27 Apr 13] • Not Rated
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