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Xander Dresses as Vader

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Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from Sanabalis
Review:
I like the story a lot. It gets better with each chapter. Hope you will continue it soon!
Review By [Sanabalis] • Date [2 Apr 14] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 1" from drae
Review:
Hey Rocky when are we going to get a new chapter to this and it companion? Keep up the good work
Review By [drae] • Date [14 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from sdavidm
Review:
Glad you actually had Xander capitalize on the Ted tech. These chapters still felt a little rushed, but were definitely better than the first one. Your Travers is certainly more sensible than the one in Canon.

You still have a few consistent typos. For instance, you use 'meet' when you mean 'meat'.
Comments from author:
I fixed the meat.
Review By [sdavidm] • Date [17 Oct 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 1" from sdavidm
Review:
You have an interesting premise, but you're jumping through this way too fast. Willow suddenly becoming sexually aggressive when her costume was exactly the same? What precipitated her sudden personality change?

In only one short chapter, they figure out they've had their memories changed, they defeat the mayor, and all the girls want to jump into bed with Xander, with no real reasons given.

You also consistently misspell 'meditate' as either 'mediate' or 'medicate'. There are also a number of other typos, so I would strongly recommend a beta reader to add a little polish.

You also explain far too much of the background information that forms part of your world. For instance, the midichlorian/mitochondria essays. This isn't necessary at all because Xander already explains to the others how the Force is different/nonexistent here. Your story would have been much better if you had spent those words on more dialog or character development so this first chapter didn't feel so rushed. The minute details sometimes matter for you, the author, so you have a consistent understanding of the world you're trying to describe, but your readers don't need these details.

Also, Xander takes great pains to complain about the limitations of batteries, yet you gloss right over how robot Ted must have had a really advanced and compact power source to keep an android like him running for decades.

I'm only providing this detailed analysis because I think you have a story with good potential, if only you polished a few of these rough edges. Fanfic is all about learning though, so keep at it!
Comments from author:
In cannon she was more ghost instead of the rowdy. In this she was sexually free young Willow instead of the shy Willow, the sheet was left at home.

As for Xander's complains about the batteries, it was more upset about the nature of the universe that he felt should be the same here and there being different. I didn't feel the need to reiterate what was in cannon about how advanced Ted had to have been decades into the past. I also wanted to make sure that the readers knew why he didn't manufacture a lightsaber or other futuristic star wars type of equipment and why certain things needed to be done in order to achieve that technology.

I appreciate your input, the meditate misspelling have been corrected.
Review By [sdavidm] • Date [17 Oct 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from Selias
Review:
You keep having Willow call people "puppy heads." I'm pretty sure that should be "poopy head"
Review By [Selias] • Date [10 Oct 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from tavinseven
Review:
I really like this story. You have a lot of potential with it. I like the fact that you didn't make Xander extremely powerful by making it harder for him to use his version of the force; instead you gave him the brainier side of his possession. It works really well. I can't wait until Xander and the Scoobies meet the SGC. Please update soon this story is really amazing and has a lot of potential.
Review By [tavinseven] • Date [23 Sep 13] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from Genuka
Review:
Well at least ^this^ version of Travers has a halfway decent brain and some SENSE! I look forward to the next update.
Review By [Genuka] • Date [15 Aug 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from eriktheviking
Review:
A great melding together of the different canon universes.
Review By [eriktheviking] • Date [13 Aug 13] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 1" from CastorandPollux
Review:
Excellent....
Review By [CastorandPollux] • Date [7 Aug 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from Thedruid
Review:
On the one hand, this is a great concept, and most of the characters are well developed. On the other, this is becoming more of a Mary sue with each chapter.

Still have no idea who changed Xander's, Willow's, and Codellia's memories. There hasn't even been any speculation on that subject.
Review By [Thedruid] • Date [6 Aug 13] • Rating [6 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from DragonBard
Review:
I agree that this fic does a bit too much summarizing.

Also, will Faith, Tara, Kendra, and Anya be added? How about Dawn?

Has Buffy joined the group yet?

How?

This chapter was a bit light on the suggestive material I noticed. I hope that changes soon.

Maybe the group seduces Buffy, now that she's no longer with Angel.

Maybe have Cordy and Willow (and/or eventually Buffy or any other girls) slip off together while Xander is busy with something (or someone.)

Hope to see more soon.
Comments from author:
Faith, no, she isn't going to be called. Kendra won't be joining the group much, and romantically not at all. Dawn, I usually have her joined in right away as if she was always there but in this I'm not, if she joins it will be years down the road and they'll have a spurt of memories along side their own.

Anya won't ever join as there is no scorn Cordy.

Buffy's flirted quite a bit, but she's not really ready in this fic for that kind of entanglement, she may be a bit more ready when they pick her up in Spain, and nothing gets a slayer hot like bashing skulls in so that might be leading, perhaps I'll have the girls pull her in for a girls night to worm her up to the idea.

This story line isn't even beta'd and I'm only sure on where to go with certain angles, there will be more and likely sooner than The Scooby Gang but it will take time, in part because I'm hoping to have enough of Thousand years done to foreshadow and pave the way for them to arrive in this side of the storyline.
Review By [DragonBard] • Date [6 Aug 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from DragonBard
Review:
Nice so far.

One thing; I'd think that Hammond would have used more science (or science fiction) based terminology when describing demons, like how he called magic a means of innately manipulating energy. Calling them extradimensional aliens with ability to manipulate energy or something.

Also, Travers is coming across as much less of an SoB than he did in canon. Why is that?
Comments from author:
In this particular setting, Travers realized quickly the potential of the group surrounding Buffy, in cannon he didn't until fifth season. On top of that he's putting forth a 'good image' to maintain a good impression and a good working relationship with the colonies' government. As the head of the Watchers he is quite obviously politically savvy, of course in this the Torture in Latin as a rite of passage for the slayer isn't going to be rejuvenated, just because Xander has proven not to be quite so Vader like with his methodology doesn't mean they want to tempt him either.

As far as Hammond trying to put it in scientific terms, that will come later right now he's trying to keep a firm line between their magic and demons and his science and technology, that will change once the SG1 starts to look at things which they will.
Review By [DragonBard] • Date [6 Aug 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from IronBaron
Review:
The story has a lot of potential in terms of original concepts and ideas. The problem lies mostly in how large parts of the story consists of summaries. Fleshing out portions of the story would lessen this issue. It would have been better to have a back and forth dialogue where the characters discuss discoveries such as how the trees are carnivorous instead of having several paragraphs stating that the character had made such discoveries. There's a need at times for showing rather than telling.
Review By [IronBaron] • Date [6 Aug 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from AnFan
Review:
Just found your story and I've enjoyed it very much so far. I really hope to see more.

I hope that either the Hellmouth is more Dark than Evil, or that the gang chooses to Not plant one of those trees in Sunnydale. That would only add an element of Evil to the hive mind if that's the case, and I would think that Xander would realize that.

Thanks for sharing your imagination! :D
Review By [AnFan] • Date [5 Aug 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from Likiglok
Review:
You have a REALLY interesting concept, but I can't help but wince every time you use "thru" instead of "through". Normally spelling/grammar errors don't bother that much, but this is a consistent error that occurs throughout your stories,
Comments from author:
I do make loads of errors, but I only started using Thru instead of through when it was pointed out to me that thru is short for through, it has no other meaning other then thru, at least from when i looked it up, I had wanted to know if it was a different meaning but liked the shortening or as i read a simplifying of the word. Some sources say it is slang, some say it just informal, and others say it's simply an 'alternative spelling' that dates back to 1839 according to merriam-webster (dot) com do a search for Thru vs Through and you'll see what I mean.

Though if you have any other corrections let me know.
Review By [Likiglok] • Date [5 Aug 13] • Rating [7 out of 10]
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