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Sour Sixteen

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Review of chapter "Sour Sixteen." from (Recent Donor)Astarte
Review:
A nice one-shot! I read it couple of days ago already, but only now came to review. I very much enjoyed the way it was written and especially all the sudden, very unexpected twists, that made it a very captivating, suspenseful reading. It really screams for a sequel actually :)
I did have some troubles imagining Harry losing his virginity at such a young age though, I wondered why you chose that. But as you say it's not utterly unbelievable.
Comments from author:
Thank you!

As I stated in other comments, any of the continuation I came up with felt up to par with the concept. I'm happy that I managed to salvage it. For the virginity issue, the age question was secondary to me with the opportunity offered by the timeline synchronization. The inspiring story by Notjana had an even more doubtful age issue but I must say that the author did wonderfully at going around it. I did not :)
Review By [(Recent Donor)Astarte] • Date [2 Oct 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Sour Sixteen." from kanikan
Review:
Interesting story... just a note though:

"It was a short, to-the-point notification that his departure from Privet Drive was scheduled for mid-July"

If this story takes place on his birthday then it's already July 31st.
Comments from author:
Thank you...

... and my error is fixed. Sorry.
Review By [kanikan] • Date [1 Oct 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Sour Sixteen." from mwinter
Review:
Nice one-shot. Wish to see where this goes. However as you said to other readers you salvaged this to a one shot. Would like to see alittle bit more of the Order finding out and srambling around where as Dumbledore already knew would be interesting.
Comments from author:
Thank you

That's part of the problem I had with trying to create a longer story. I've read so much good variations on the theme that I wasn't able to come up with one that I felt was original enough. Furthermore, adding the BtVS characters to the mix made the plot I explored too chaotic.
Review By [mwinter] • Date [1 Oct 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Sour Sixteen." from Martin
Review:
His birthday is July 31st, so he couldn't leave mid-July without time travel. Also, this is odd for a one-shot. More like a story idea that you aren't planning to continue.

Edit: to the person that reviewed thinking Buffy would be 17 when they had sex. The show Buffy was set in 1997 when she was 15 or 16 and a sophomore in high school and graduated in 1999. So if anything she would be almost too young at age 11. And she doesn't die and be cpr'ed until the summer of 1997, but Harry just finished his 5th year so it is summer of 1996.
Comments from author:
Thank you.

It is a concept for a long story I tried to salvage into a one shot. As I explained in the note at the end, this story is built on the concept that Dawn was conceived by Harry and Buffy while both had runaway, which means summer between second and third seasons for Buffy and between second and third years for Harry.
Review By [Martin] • Date [1 Oct 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Sour Sixteen." from ChaosLady
Review:
Not bad. Please continue this.
Comments from author:
Thank you.

Sadly, it's a rescue. I wasn't able to put this in a workable long story, so I salvaged the concept into a one-shot.
Review By [ChaosLady] • Date [30 Sep 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Sour Sixteen." from Krysstinia
Review:
I liked the tone your story had, but I did have one major issue with it. I can't imagine Buffy having sex with a 12 almost 13 year old, as Harry would've been in the summer between years 2 and 3. I know that some kids do loose their virginity that young, but she would've been seventeen and that's a little too farfetched.
Comments from author:
Thank you

It might be something of a stretch, but I personally think it's believable. Both are survivors of hard times with far more experiences than the normal teen or even adult. Both are also on a relatively short term death sentence.
Review By [Krysstinia] • Date [30 Sep 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Sour Sixteen." from VillageOrchid
Review:
Your storytelling and structure are good, but there are too many new things introduced for this to really work as a oneshot. It's like a snapshot of a story challenge or a longer story. Stylistically, a place where you can improve is some of the narrative describing and leading up to the mystery of Harry's first time. You make it sound like he was sexually assaulted until you get to the good parts.
Comments from author:
Thank you for your comments.

You are right about the abuse part. I realized it just before submitting but I didn't want to put more time in the story. I already gave up on a long version and almost gave up more than one at rescuing it in the form of a one shot.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [30 Sep 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Sour Sixteen." from cloudleonsgurl
Review:
Interesting. Nice one shot. :D
Comments from author:
Thank you.
Review By [cloudleonsgurl] • Date [30 Sep 13] • Rating [9 out of 10]
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