Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

Meeting Halfway

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Review of chapter "Caravanserai" from RevDorothyL
Still hoping you'll continue this one day! :)
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [7 Dec 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Caravanserai" from (Current Donor)wizathogwarts
Great story and novel concept. I really hope you continue this because it opens so many possibilities for season 3. Buffy has a perspective that's positive without all the stupid (yet believable) angst she experienced on returning in the show.
The relationship between the two is starting from a much healthier place and I want to read where it goes.
I'm guessing problems will occur with Angel's coming back and hopefully Buffy will handle it better.
Review By [(Current Donor)wizathogwarts] • Date [30 Apr 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Caravanserai" from garrycooper
A very good story, please write more!
Review By [garrycooper] • Date [29 Apr 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Caravanserai" from Featherfoot
This is so good! Update soon?
Review By [Featherfoot] • Date [19 Apr 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Caravanserai" from winddancer
You may have been away for a while, but you have not lost your touch with a story. Character development is good and story line is excellent. I look foreword to more, soon hopefully. Thank you, Author.
Review By [winddancer] • Date [29 Dec 13] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Short Skirt, Long Jacket" from Zephal
Just reread the story, Still as good as last time! ;) Love Elizabeth Frost, I think Buffy should really use aspects of that personality more often since she's shown many times that she's actually quite smart and yet plays the blonde bimbo when she really has no need for it.

Now for something I got stuck on in chapter 1:

ElizabethFrost grinned not at the monitor, but at the wall beyond which FaithLehane stood, and it was a grin he recognized, for he had seen it on the face of Anubis when he had a new Tau’ri to torture. “You’ve got me.”

When would Teal'c have had a chance to see Anubis face when he's about to torture Taur'i?(Disregarding the fact that Anubis doesn't have a face just some kind of oily face shield) It's still early season 2 and Anubis is still hiding in the middle of nowhere, building up his forces. Besides Anubis has been banished for a millennium at the very least and Teal'c is what? 50-60 years old? I'm assuming you meant to write Apophis since that's the guy who's First Prime he was. But even if you mean't Apophis they haven't really been captured that much by any Goa'uld(yet!) much less Apophis for him too regonize the facial expression. It feels as if you meant to reference his time as Apophis First Prime when he would have most likely to be responsible for bringing him prisoners to torture but that would be before season 1 and Taur'i has several times been said to be specifically people from Earth, people that beside Abydos haven't left their solar system until season 1.

And now I look back on how much I've written over one simple paragraph... I really shouldn't drink to much Monster during the night. They make me think too much!
Comments from author:
Oh, that's nothing, look at my responses about how I screwed up some physics in chapter 2! Seriously, I prefer when people who correct me provide their reasoning. It helps me to understand where they're coming from regardless of whether or not I agree, which helps me to know what I need to say in response to make myself understood. In this case, I happen to agree entirely:

Yes, you're right, I meant Apophis (forehead, meet desk... er, if I had a desk... forehead, meet laptop-held-up-on-my-knees). There's a big difference between snakes and jackals. And, yes, I forgot that Tau'ri only refers to natives of Earth, not all humans. Both of these problems will be edited by the time I get chapter 3 up (probably much sooner)!

Speaking of chapter 3, lots more thinking-Buffy there. Possibly too much... Well, we'll see. Alkeni is largely a plot-flow beta, so we'll see if they can keep my over-projecting-of-my-academic-bent-onto-"my"-characters bent in check.
Review By [Zephal] • Date [13 Dec 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Short Skirt, Long Jacket" from fanreaderonetwo
delayed response re my nitpick about how fast the iris closes.

Note that the iris (last least the original one installed in Season One) was built using pure Earth Tech and was made of titanium. So presumably its mechanism was electric, hydraulic or some other "mundane" hardware, and that given its probable mass (a couple hundred lbs or more) I doubt that it closed _that_ fast.

Note that it was presumably intended to prevent uninvited guests, like the Goauld party seen at the very beginning of the series pilot episode, from getting to Earth, _not_ to "prevent light-speed weapons from passing the event horizon".

If it was expected to remain closed except when the Gate was used to send out Teams or when friendlies were expected, there would be no reason to put a hyper-fast closing mechanism on it. And given how touchy and vulnerable to damage, sabotage or breakdown such a "cutting edge" (pun intended) would be, the tendency would be to put a simpler and more reliable close on it. Think how embarrassing it would be for Hammond or O'neill to scream "close the iris" and have the control tech say "Sorry sir, its jammed in the open position again" while the bullets, beams, killer bees or assault party came thru the Gate.
Comments from author:
tl;dr: I agreed that what I said wasn't possible and fixed that; I disagreed that the iris should be as slow as it appears on the show, and I actually have reasons, which appear below.

See, I knew I came off as arrogant and snarky the first time... I can see how it would be hard to see that I actually agreed with you about how wrong that particular quote (re: "light-speed weapons") was. And then I conclusively agreed by doing the math to show that it breaks relativity. Badly. And then I went back and edited the chapter to something that not only fixes that problem, but also fits the visuals in the show: faster than the wormhole closes. I figured that's both true and fast enough to serve its purpose, in both the show and that scene.

Frankly, I don't know why I said light-speed weapons in the first place, as those would probably use wave/particle beams anyway, and... this'll be a tl;dr moment, so look at the bottom of my response if you want to know why that's a bad idea.

The iris was, indeed, intended to prevent incoming foes, but it was meant to prevent foes, grenades, small vehicles, and whatever else might be following directly behind a returning team. I don't know if that specific purpose has been stated in the show, but it certainly has been used to that purpose several times. I admit that I originally thought the iris would have to remain open when not in use (as the unstable vortex would vaporize the iris), but a closer reading of the Stargate wiki shows that the proximity of the iris actually suppresses the vortex as well, which means it can remain closed indefinitely. (It's been a while since I saw the episode where Apophis was tossing nukes at the Stargate; I didn't remember whether or not they were forced to open the iris between activations.) That said, the Gate sees a fair amount of travel with as many as twenty-five SG teams, so it spends a fair amount of time open, and often needs to close to prevent pursuit or in response to unscheduled activations. Closing fast enough to prevent bullets is probably possible, but not feasible (I don't feel like doing the math right now for whether or not it's possible; to be feasible, it would have to be easy to close the iris at several times the speed of sound). Closing fast enough to prevent detonations on the other side of the gate from propagating is impossible (it doesn't break relativity quite as badly as stopping light-speed weapons would, but it still does break relativity: The iris would have to close at over 15c), but closing fast enough to prevent a thrown grenade from coming through should only require that the iris close at a bit under mach 1, which is feasible with late 90s Earth technology.

Yeah, it's kind of high end tech, which *could* result in a malfunction like you mentioned, but a slightly slower backup (say, electric motors closing the gate at only a couple hundred mph, or letting gravity do the work at 9.8m/s^2) would be trivially easy to implement for the team that made the iris in the first place. Frankly, the speed we see in the show is about what I'd expect if gravity were the driving force, so it could be that a released counterweight is the *standard* closing method, with something faster in the wings in case of emergency. Although, that would make the few times someone's locked the iris open impossible, since a manual control would literally be pulling a lever directly attached to the counterweight...

Since you mentioned some methods of closing the iris, I'll address those. Electric motors can actually move things very fast (hence, electric cars). Now, we didn't have any commercially available electric cars in 1997 when the iris was first made, but that doesn't mean we didn't have fast enough motors available, just that they weren't small or cheap enough to put in a car. Motors fast enough to close the iris at several hundred mph were perfectly available to a military project with an immense tech budget. Hydraulics... yeah, probably too slow. Might be a good backup if it weren't for the fact that a counterweight is an even *lower* tech solution that moves faster. The problem with counterweights is it's hard to stop them in the middle or adjust their speed, both of which tend to be necessary in most real-world applications, but the iris needs to worry about only two positions (open and closed), and it needs to get from one to the other as quickly as possible. The only reason a combustion engine wouldn't work is that you'd need to worry about the amount of time it takes to turn on in the first place.

Actually, the *fastest* way to open or close the iris with 1997 Earth tech would be an explosion-driven piston or a rocket with a tow cable, but those would be finicky (leading to your "Sorry, sir" scenario), expensive (on a per-use basis, at that!), and *loud*, plus they'd need time to be reset after every use. Might be worth thinking about as an emergency scenario, but the truth is, that only might make it fast enough to stop bullets from rematerializing, which is kinda pointless. Might stop zats, since they seem actually not to be light-speed weapons, but, again, we're talking saving *maybe* one life from a nearly impossibly lucky shot.

re: faster than photons: The show has established that point particles can reestablish themselves in the space between the event horizon and the iris (such as when Sokar aims a particle accelerator through the Gate causing the iris to heat up). I already knew that the iris is a shade under 3μm (0.3x10^-5m) in front of the Gate in order to prevent matter from coming through, so it's perfectly logical to expect that it would need to be impossibly close to prevent photons or electrons from rematerializing, on the order of 10^-15m—if you need to have enough room for the probability wave of a point particle—to 10^-35 (specifically, 1.616x10^-35, or one Planck length) if you need to prevent there from being enough space for the particle itself to form. Those distances just aren't possible with human tech, and, given that they're *orders of magnitude smaller than the atoms of the iris*, probably aren't possible working with alien tech either. (They'd probably prevent the Tollan from getting through, though. At the expense of being unable to use GDOs, since radio waves would also be blocked.)
Review By [fanreaderonetwo] • Date [4 Dec 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Caravanserai" from DrDamage
This is good fic.

I wouldn't worry that Buffy is a little OOC, like most other reviewers, I approve of the direction it's moving and really, that's a big part of what fanfiction is for, to explore alternatives.
Comments from author:
Thanks for the support. The reviews have been making me feel more confident about Buffy's characterization, but I try to respond to all of my reviews (at least on TTH, where it's not that hard), and I want to tell people why their reviews are meaningful to me. Sometimes I address a criticism, in which case I'm happy someone made me think about what I'm doing (if I wasn't happy about it, I wouldn't take the time to pull out a calculator and a bunch of physics articles on Wikipedia to reply intelligently!). Sometimes I address a compliment, in which case I'm happy either to have accomplished something I thought I did well or that I pulled off something I wasn't sure about, and Buffy's characterization was one of the latter cases in this chapter.

Also, I'm sorry for this next part; I'm not trying to be a grammar Nazi or anything. I normally don't comment on things like missing determiners outside of places I really expect good grammar, but I've been watching Deceased Crab's let's play of "Papers, Please," and "This is good fic," makes me think of the faux-bad-translation-from-Russian aesthetic of the game, and I burst out laughing when I read that.
Review By [DrDamage] • Date [21 Nov 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Caravanserai" from ShalaDakiri
I was reading the review about the iris and how fast it closes and had another explanation: It doesn't actually have to be fast enough to slice someone in half. It only needs to be fast enough to catch and hold him long enough for the wormhole to shut down. It's how they killed Kowalski after a goa'uld infested him in Enemy Within (S1E2), although there, it was Teal'c holding Kowalski's head partially through the event horizon.

Anyway, I enjoyed Buffy and Faith's arrival in Sunnydale, especially Buffy's talk with Joyce.
Comments from author:
I think the reviewer's problem wasn't whether or not the iris could cut the Ashrak in half, but simply that it doesn't close as fast as I said it did. (Which it doesn't, since, as I mentioned in my response, what I originally wrote is actually a violation of the laws of physics. However, I still maintain that the reviewer's idea of how fast the iris should be moving is a misconception based on what it looks like in the show rather than how fast such a device would actually move.) As fast as a guillotine, for something made out of razor-thin titanium, ought to be plenty fast enough to at least mostly cut someone in half, especially if it's got some real inertia behind it, rather than just being accelerated to speed and allowed to coast to the end. I did also think of turning off the Gate (just closing the iris wouldn't close the wormhole; it only prevents matter going through the gate from having room to rematerialize), but we've seen people go through a gate mid-shutdown in the show. The event horizon fades from the outside in, so, while the Ashrak might lose something important, he'd probably still get his head, neck, and torso through safely, which is all a Goa'uld *really* needs, at least in the short term. (In fact, I'd say shutting down the Gate was probably O'Neill's original idea, which was improved by Hammond. Have to write that into the next chapter; thanks for helping me think of it!)

I haven't seen much else in the way of people mentioning Buffy's talk with her mother, so I guess it didn't make too much of an impression for most people, but at least I haven't had any complaints yet either. Thanks for boosting my ego; now maybe I'll write more emotional moments.
Review By [ShalaDakiri] • Date [20 Nov 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Caravanserai" from fanreaderonetwo
"However, a beam sensor relays information at the speed of light, and the one installed a mere centimetre in front of the gate had only to relay a single bit: off. And the iris was meant to close off the gate with sufficient speed to prevent light-speed weapons from passing the event horizon. He had entered the gate unmolested, but was allowed no further. Well, half of him, anyway."

The Gate Iris isn't _that_ fast, at best its "merely" 'dropping guillotine blade' fast. And it would have probably have been easier to kill the assassin with gas, asphyxiation, remote controlled weapons (like guns, fire bombs, concussion grenades or claymores) while he was trapped between the bulkheads than risking his having any nasty surprises in the gate room.

Frankly, having someone remote monitoring the entry point guard station is something I've always thought would be a good idea in case of incompetence, corruption, surprise attacks, etc.
Of course having someone keeping an eye on a starships transporter room or shuttle bay wouldn't be a bad idea either. Note all the Trek, SG and other series episodes where intruders or nasty surprises slipped aboard unmonitored entries that wouldn't have occurred if security or some on the bridge was monitoring them.
Comments from author:
After having written this, I think I come off as a bit arrogant. Unfortunately, I can't really think of a way to fix that. (In my defense, I'm suffering from a bit of insomnia and haven't slept since I woke up at 7:30 AM yesterday. Against my defense, why the hell can't I just put off responding to a comment on a fanfic until I'm better rested? You're right, Me, why don't I put it off? Logic isn't really my strong suit running on insufficient sleep.) Accept that I'm an ass and move on.

You're right. The iris isn't that fast; the metal is ~3um from the event horizon, and the iris' radius is something like 2m, which would mean that the plates would have to move at over 6.67*10^5c in order to achieve that speed (not counting the extra distance for rotational motion, as we see in the show), which is patently impossible. I should have said something like, "with sufficient speed to prevent the shockwave of an explosion from passing the event horizon." (For reference, the shockwave of a high explosive can travel upwards of 6900m/s, which means that to fit that definition the iris plates would have to close at ~15c, which is still physically impossible, but at least no one will do the calculations for a fanfic, so it's still fudgeable for sci-fi and "rule of cool" purposes. Oh, wait, *I* just did the calculations. Dammit.) Definitely my bad, and I'll have to think on the best way to preserve the flow of the writing while fixing the obviously insomnia-induced malfunction of physics. (Since I'm running on too little sleep once again, now is probably not the best time.)

On the other hand, the iris really IS that fast, in terms of stated purpose vs. special effects. It closes at guillotine speed in the show because if it closed fast enough to do what it's supposed to be capable of doing, all we would see is "no ir- hey, there's an iris!" instead of a cool visual effect with a cool "shhink" sound. Your eye's effective refresh rate isn't fast enough to register that sort of thing, but the tech exists to close something like the iris that fast even without Stargate's sci fi.

Concerning other methods of killing the Ashrak, I actually did think of that. (I probably didn't think of everything, but I'm linguist and historian, not a soldier tasked with the preservation of the human race versus a hostile and powerful alien species.) I did, in fact, think of the points you brought up.

Concerning gas and asphyxiation, I don't know if cutting off the air circulation to that area or replacing the air with a poisonous gas would have any effect on a Goa'uld. Neither do O'Neill and Hammond. It *could* work, or it could just waste the hours it takes for that process to occur. (Even in a base as secure as the SGC, blast doors are not all that close together. That's a LOT of cubic feet of air to replace.) Vacuuming would not work because the area simply cannot be made sufficiently airtight within the space of a few days. (That's not speculation, but fact.)

Getting weapons, remote or otherwise, into the Ashrak's corridor would require one of two things. Either open the doors enough to fit something through (and remember, the Ashrak is as fast as a Goa'uld, as strong as a Goa'uld, and specially trained to fight one-on-one as most Goa'uld are not), or try to surprise him by cutting through the doors. Doors that I've already established are six-inch-thick steel. Have you ever seen six-inch-thick steel being cut? It's generally done with thermite and takes hours. I suppose you could also try using the doors farther away from him, but now you're also taking the source of the damage farther away. This means he's out of range for most handheld explosives and hard to aim at with anything else.

Once you've got the doors open and him walking through the base, you may as well put him in a position you *know* will kill him, such as walking into a speed-of-sound (or 15-times-the-speed-of-light, whatever) titanium guillotine he doesn't realize is a guillotine. Explosives and guns along the way *could* kill him, or they could just piss him off, and then you're back to the original standoff, with him stuck between the blast doors you've undoubtedly lowered when you realized you didn't kill him. O'Neill and Hammond were explicitly careful about restricting his route and keeping personnel out of harm's way, and the Gateroom and control room have both already proven their relative imperviousness, so that much is safe. Dialing the Gate itself is also safe, since it's a one-way wormhole. The only risk was of the Ashrak getting away instead of dying, and that was a minimal risk (as well as simply actually going through with the deal they'd agreed upon).

I should perhaps have explained some of that in the chapter, but I couldn't think of how to do so without it deteriorating into boring expository dialogue, and I'm already at risk of that all the time due to my style of writing and the habits writing essays for Classics classes got me into. Since you noticed the potential alternative solutions, however, that tells me that someone else could, which means I may have to work it into the next chapter, possibly when Carter/Jolinar is being debriefed and told of the Ashrak's fate. That'll be expository dialogue regardless, since O'Neill will be telling them about the events you've already read.

Concerning the remote monitoring... I actually didn't originally think there would be any immediate changes in the Stargate plot from this crossover. Then, I watched "In the Line of Duty," as the next episode to occur, just to see if there was anything worth writing about, and I noticed the Ashrak just walking into the base with one wave of his hara'kesh, and I thought, "This is a problem that could have been avoided with the addition of a single security camera." I know there's a certain amount of tradition carried over into sci-fi shows from Star Trek, which itself draws from more old-fashioned war and adventure serials (and Horatio Hornblower), but I also read a lot of literary, film, and video game criticism, and it's given me a weak tolerance for people with advanced technology screwing up things we could do in 1970. (Lack of body armor is another big one, which Stargate manages to avoid by outfitting their soldiers like, well, soldiers!) One security audit later, facilitated by a reminder (Buffy getting in with weapons and Buffy and Faith subsequently leaving through the elevator shaft) and an opportunity (a short period without offworld missions, after the events of "Politics," "Within the Serpent's Grasp," and "The Serpent's Lair"), and, hey presto, we have ourselves a security camera.

As to the lax security on Goa'uld bases... Well, I'll put that one down to arrogance and habit. Who the hell would be stupid enough to sneak onto a ha'tak?

Geez, that got long. Please, keep reviewing, fanreaderonetwo! You've given me my favorite comments to reply to for two out of two chapters so far! (I don't know *why* doing math at six in the morning after a night of insomnia was fun, but, hey, whatever floats... um... my boat?)
Review By [fanreaderonetwo] • Date [19 Nov 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Caravanserai" from NeverTooOld
I have to make this short, since my trackpad is suffering a grand mal seizure this evening.

First, Buffy is OOC, but in very good way. LA, sending Angel to hell, rescuing Lilly, Slayer dreams all can have a big impact. She showed some very good planning and strategy that I hope continues.
Second, the fight scene was nicely done, "Lizzy" did a great job setting Kakistos up for Faith and Faith did a good job protecting "Lizzy" until she was able to get back on her feet.

SGC was well done, good characterization all around and I liked how they took out the Ashrak. Told the best lie of all, the truth, just not all of it and then let them make their own assumptions. And we know what 'ASSUME' makes.

Definitely looking forward to the next updates. I think that Buffy's new nickname works well, especially since I don't see anyone else being allowed to use it. Just Faith. It very much looks like Buffy and Faith are bonding very well, with hopefully fewer misunderstandings between them, as well as between others like Joyce, Willow, Xander, Giles etc.
Comments from author:
That's short? Given the length of the average comment, your usual comments must be as long as the one I just wrote in reply to fanreaderonetwo! I'm sorry to hear about your trackpad; if you're using a Linux laptop, I might know a software fix, but I'm guessing you're not.

Thanks for noticing why Buffy is OOC, but also for noticing *that* she is OOC. I'm trying to keep on top of that (I know her character isn't one I'll be able to do justice to as time goes on), and I'd appreciate it if alert readers such as yourself can help me stay on track when I take her to places her experiences haven't guided her. Also thanks about the fight scene; fight scenes are *hard* to keep interesting. (Don't get me started on Naruto fanfics that devolve into chapter-long lists of moves people use against each other... let alone the comic itself doing the same thing.) The fact that the fight was a device to demonstrate a specific tactic (both for the fight and in the battle for Faith's peace of mind) may have helped.

Glad I kept the SGC on target as well. I know that "assume" makes an anagram for "amuses"... I kid. I've actually already written a short essay on the themes of deception and manipulation of the truth in this story because the way it *has* become a theme kind of surprised me; I may post it on my blog, if people keep enjoying the twists.

Huh. Fewer misunderstandings. Different misunderstandings, certainly. Probably more between Buffy and Faith, actually, since they really only had a couple in canon. They were just really *big* misunderstandings, while I plan to have more the sort of misunderstandings that happen on occasion when you're close to someone for an extended period of time. Probably similar amounts of misunderstandings overall, since part of the human condition is not understanding other humans, but hopefully ones everyone can get past without too much difficulty, and possibly a slightly different meaning for "misunderstanding." Oh, and you'll be glad to hear that "Lizzie" isn't going anywhere, and I may find a way to have Faith and/or Buffy show their displeasure if someone else uses that nickname...
Review By [NeverTooOld] • Date [19 Nov 13] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Caravanserai" from OtteryLexa
Like others, while B may be out of character, I _like_ this different character. And I particularly liked her Ms Frost act. (I didn't see that one coming, though I thought there was something odd about her as a Watcher). Canon Buffy uses obfuscating stupidity, but I'd like to see yours starting to use other strategies to deal with people.
Comments from author:
Deception is rapidly becoming a theme in this story (I actually started writing some notes on the fact that this surprised me, which kinda turned into a short essay). Part of my inspiration for Elizabeth Frost was actually the idea that Buffy must be capable of better deception than she's shown to use in canon. Canon and fanon, as you say, have her put on a "blonde bimbo" act, but she shows herself (especially in the first couple of seasons) to be quite intelligent, with an instinctive grasp of tactics, strategy, and figuring out others' deceptions. And yet, she never really has any more complicated deceptions of her own than the blonde bimbo. That right there is not good strategy. I'd expect that at the very least Giles has read Sun-tzu at some point, and might suggest things like, "All warfare is based on deception," or, "The greatest victory is that which requires no battle." In this universe, Buffy is taking that initiative herself. It's possible Giles needs her to show some drive to learn before teaching her, so I'm still considering him a good mentor; he just didn't have as much to mentor her in in canon as he will here. He just might need to see her in action before that happens... and boy will he!
Review By [OtteryLexa] • Date [18 Nov 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Caravanserai" from PATM
Thank god. Lizzie and Faith, a third character that I can dig. General Hammond, so devious! All of it good and painful to wait for the next update.
Comments from author:
Like a rolling stone. Like the FBI. Like the CIA. And Doris Day. Matt Busby. (Sorry, I'm a Beatles fan.) Deviousness will continue, and not just on Hammond's and O'Neill's parts! Hopefully the fact that I'm already working on the next update works as a painkiller.
Review By [PATM] • Date [18 Nov 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Caravanserai" from RevDorothyL
So glad to see a new chapter of this!

I loved the Ashrak's fate (sneaky O'Neill and Hammond, proving they didn't get to their present ranks just 'cause of their charming personalities and facility with snark!), and got a big, warm, "Awww...!" moment from how things are shaping up for Faith in Sunnydale this time around.
Comments from author:
Thanks, I was rather proud of O'Neill's plot. People sometimes forget that the oath "I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" has that middle part for a reason! I figured someone with black ops experience would be good at lying without lying, and I've often thought the iris would actually make a great slicing tool if necessary. Guess watching "Stargate" and "Mythbusters" in the same day gets me thinking about the lethality of things not intended for killing...

I hope you can hold on to that "Awww...!" feeling for Faith, since things are probably going to get rough for a while; nothing's going to prevent Gwendolyn Post and Angel from showing up (soon, at that), and things are going to get worse before they get better, but they *will* get better.
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [18 Nov 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Caravanserai" from dcarson
Nitpick, it would be the Massachusetts DMV not Maryland.

Well written. Buffy seems a bit OOC but in ways that fit what she has gone through.
Comments from author:
Yes, Massachusetts. I don't know how I screwed that up, especially considering I almost had Jack say it, in which case it would have been "Taxachusetts." (You just know that's what Jack would have said.) Fixed in the chapter, thanks for the catch. Feel free to nitpick away; I'm a nitpicker myself.

Also, I know Buffy's been a bit OOC; in fact, it's my biggest concern for my writing in this story. Since you say it fits what she's gone through, I think I'm still within my limits, but if you keep reading, I'd appreciate if you could keep an eye on that for me. As one of the few people who's mentioned it, I think you're probably one of the better judges of when I go off the rails. OOC can be a slippery slope, and I'm neither the best judge of my own writing nor the best judge of how to fix it when I go wrong!
Review By [dcarson] • Date [18 Nov 13] • Not Rated
Page: 1 of 3 next end
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking