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Chaos Effect: The Fleet Of Chaos

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Review of chapter "Epilogue" from blackholelord
Review:
I will say that for what I view as a Halloween crossover special so to speak, its a rather good read. Do enjoy how you added the elements of Star Trek into the story. I like how the Alliance is actually strong to stand on their own two feet. As you stated that the Federation will be born in this universe, but I get the feeling that it will not come into being until after the Reaper War. The first step could be in establishing the Federation could be after Sovereign's little attack. The Citadel Council and their government that are overwhelmed by Sovereign's attack could attempt to further develop their relationship, like mutual defense and in the aftermath of the war birth to the Federation.
Review By [blackholelord] • Date [20 Dec 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from BinarySobriquet
Review:
So...Rayne casts a spell and creates a fleet of starships? Sorry, my suspension of disbelief don't bend that far.

Characters retaining the memories of their costumes? Sure, I'll buy it. That's what happened in canon, after all.

The costume spell temporarily creating a space ship? Why the hell would it do that? A freaking space ship isn't a part of a costume. That's like asking Janus to dig a 1' hole and instead he digs out the Mariana trench, all for no explicable reason.

The costume spell permanently creating a space ship? Nope, not gonna buy that one unless you do an extremely good job of selling it. In canon, all the props reverted after the spell ended; what justification is there for a star ship to remain when everything goes away?

The costume spell permanently creates dozens of space ships? Definitely not buying that. If such a potent spell existed, someone would already have used something similar and broken the setting long before the story began. Placing such an event in a bullet point in the first line completely shattered my suspension of disbelief before it even had a chance to form.
Review By [BinarySobriquet] • Date [20 Nov 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from gaulty
Review:
Good chapter, byes
Review By [gaulty] • Date [24 Jul 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from nargus
Review:
Uhhh. It was going good in the first half of the chapter, but then suddenly get more confusing. Who is in that small shuttle? Is it the Asari's who got captured or the slaver chasing after them? At first it sounds like the Quarian, but then the Asari is mentioned disgarding that idea. And then both of them are ignored in favor of the approaching fleet which, instead of being of the Quarian or the slavers as would expected, being fromthe Turian instead. And then suddenly, there was a battle going on that is ALREADY nearly finished, with somehow some future salarian and turian characters got added into the mix. It's got me super confused by the end of it with the chapter seem like a mixture of random events unconnected to each other.

That being said, the thing that itching me the most is the fact that everyone seem to be speaking the same language. A few simple mention of translation devices would have help fixed this issue. But as it is, it feel very...fake.
Review By [nargus] • Date [28 Jun 14] • Rating [6 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from nargus
Review:
Uhhh. It was going good in the first half of the chapter, but then suddenly get more confusing. Who is in that small shuttle? Is it the Asari's who got captured or the slaver chasing after them? At first it sounds like the Quarian, but then the Asari is mentioned disgarding that idea. And then both of them are ignored in favor of the approaching fleet which, instead of being of the Quarian or the slavers as would expected, being fromthe Turian instead. And then suddenly, there was a battle going on that is ALREADY nearly finished, with somehow some future salarian and turian characters got added into the mix. It's got me super confused by the end of it with the chapter seem like a mixture of random events unconnected to each other.
Review By [nargus] • Date [28 Jun 14] • Rating [6 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Diplomacy Means Having The Bigger Stick" from (Recent Donor)Hawklan
Review:
quite fun so far, tx for sharing
Review By [(Recent Donor)Hawklan] • Date [26 May 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Aftermath" from (Recent Donor)Hawklan
Review:
interesting start so far, tx for sharing
Review By [(Recent Donor)Hawklan] • Date [26 Feb 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from Morgomir
Review:
Great chapter. Keep up the good work.
Review By [Morgomir] • Date [25 Feb 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from Thedruid
Review:
This is both good AND bad.

Good; great idea, wonderful and interesting characters, good melding of both Mass Effect and Star Trek. And kept me hooked enough to read it in one sitting.

Bad;
1. After magic became mainstream, it is almost ignored for the rest of the story. No metion of it during the peace talks with the council.
2. Sudden time-skips and things suddenly happening for no apparent reason is very jarring. Not to mention that you have what I call the .... dammit I can't even remember the name of that book anymore. But the problem is that you have scene timelines skipping all over the place. With something happening in the present, then we get the explanation of why that is a fact later in the story, and you do this so much that I can't keep track of the plot in some parts of the story. Not as bad as that book I can't remember, nor read more than 20 pages of, but bad enough.
3. There is a lot of mini-stories your just skipping over, like the speech Giles gave to the UN to convince them to accept the new ships. Why did Illyria get talked into joining Starfleet?

In summary, it seems like you REALLY want to write certain parts of this story, and so skip over the uninteresting parts to get to those parts you like. As well as not adapting to changes that you didn't originally plan.
Comments from author:
Thank you for your honesty. I appreciate it.

As for magic not being mentioned during the peace talks with the council, that's the last thing they needed to do.

Tevos: "Right...magic...(Great, we have crazy aliens with more advanced technology than we do)."
Review By [Thedruid] • Date [16 Feb 14] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from (Past Donor)Jewel
Review:
This is fantastic! Now heading to read No. 2 in the series....
Review By [(Past Donor)Jewel] • Date [16 Feb 14] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from AlphaBeta
Review:
LOL! Love the last part! And nice wrap up! Please tell me there will be another story to continue this! Please do continue this!
Comments from author:
Working on it right now but coming up with OC officers for positions the canon Mass Effect wouldn't have isn't easy.
Review By [AlphaBeta] • Date [4 Feb 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from Nuklear
Review:
okay enjoyed the story but got to wonder why the colonies don't have ground to orbit defenses... and why the hell star fleet didn't declare war on the Batarian's immediately after the first or second attack on one of their colonies
Review By [Nuklear] • Date [4 Feb 14] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from KingOfCretins
Review:
Great Stuff

There's one thing that's always struck me about Star Trek is how woefully defended their planets are, even during the Dominion War they seem to rely completely on ships despite having the technology for various planetary defence weapons like the Orbital Weapons Platforms used by the Cardassians, some form of Planetary shielding and surface to orbit weapons.

I'm surprised that a more "real life" Earth using Star Trek technology would do the same thing especially with the Batarians around. So is there a reason why Mindoir was not sufficiently protected against a less advanced hostile force for instance was it a new colony or did the defences fail before the attack due to an accident/sabotage.
Or is there no reason at all and this version of Starfleet is just as overly confident as they are in Star Trek.

Anyway can't wait for the sequel.
Comments from author:
Hindsight was 20/20. After the attack on Mindoir, orbital defenses were set up across the Alliance.
Review By [KingOfCretins] • Date [4 Feb 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from Raider
Review:
very well done sir, I really hope you make a second story for this.
Review By [Raider] • Date [4 Feb 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from armyguy
Review:
Good story till the end where it seemed to just . . . stop. No conclusion, no idea what happened to Xander and Willow, and nothing on where things were going to go from there. Hopefully there will be a following story to this to answer these questions and more.
Review By [armyguy] • Date [4 Feb 14] • Not Rated
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