Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
using
 paypal
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Is your email address still valid?

Ships of the Line

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Review of chapter "A Tale of Two Captains..." from samsas
Review:
I absolute love this crossover.

The amount of details and interaction are great, thought I would just take a moment and let you know =)
Review By [samsas] • Date [8 Jul 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A Tale of Two Captains..." from kdakmmt
Review:
Interesting take. I can't wait to see where it goes:)
Review By [kdakmmt] • Date [26 Jun 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Tale of Two Captains..." from grd
Review:
I hope you can update this excellent tale soon. So much potential.
Review By [grd] • Date [6 Apr 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A Tale of Two Captains..." from AlphaBeta
Review:
Please update soon!
Review By [AlphaBeta] • Date [27 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Tale of Two Captains..." from Jiopaba
Review:
I don't think I liked this chapter very much. The first three were pretty good, if seeming a bit... stretched thin, yeah? Like too little butter spread over too much toast, it seems like it'll be hard to balance all that's going on in this story into a coherent tale.

This chapter though, it was just endless massive paragraphs of Willow telling the AI about her alternate universe history. She went on and on and on and eventually I just skimmed the last six or so without feeling like I missed anything at all.

Needs more character interactions, or stuff actually getting done, and less exposition. You mentioned last chapter that there's always a lot of scene setting in something like this, but I think the scene has been thoroughly laid out now. You need to have, say, the folks from the Stargate Project get up there and talk to them. That would be something interesting to read about. Certainly better than another chapter of sitting around sipping whiskey or standing in some ill defined space spouting exposition which doesn't even seem like it'll be particularly important for four thousand words about the military history of some characters.
Review By [Jiopaba] • Date [22 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Tale of Two Captains..." from gaulty
Review:
Good so far, more please.
Review By [gaulty] • Date [16 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Hall Is Rented, The Orchestra Engaged..." from Thedruid
Review:
You've obviously heard a lot about Limbaugh, but just as obviously never heard even a single one of his shows.

But other Than your obvious bias, goods story so far.

20140130 - You know, I feel the same way when I hear more Liberal talk shows and propgonda pundits lecture everyone else from their perspective of "We are morally superior, so just do as we want and everyone will be better off, eventually." But as angry as I get, I don't let myself become as radically biased and outright lie as you have. It's a corruption of yourself when you let anger do that to you.
Comments from author:
I will say I am biased against Limbaugh - but I have listened to his rants before - and far more often than I liked I lived in southwestern PA for most of my life, and my family would listen to KDKA radio whenever we would travel. It was one of those News, Traffic, Weather stations that carried his show in the afternoon. And while I was working in the evenings, my evening drive into town would be, basically, leave at 3:30, listen to KDKA as I went into downtown Pittsburgh, and try not to let my anger get the best of me.
Review By [Thedruid] • Date [30 Jan 14] • Rating [1 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A Tale of Two Captains..." from speakerthesilent
Review:
Again another good chapter that could have been great if you'd kept politics out of it.

Edit: I don't dispute that Star Trek has acted as commentary or a what-if...? on several subjects over the years. Frankly it's one of the few realistic representation of how-socialism-might-actually-work-someday. Margret Thatcher's infamous quote on running out of other people's money to spend doesn't apply when technology effectively eliminates shortages of things like food and water.

I suppose my biggest problem with the chapter is Willow's discussion of the star trek verse's issues in the middle east. The whole segment comes off as almost antisemitic. Even with the decades of extra memories shoved into her head I can't quite see her being so blase on the issue considering the fact that she's Jewish herself. The reasons stated also don't make a lot of sense to me. With the easing of economic difficulties due to the technology of the Star Trek verse, one of the largest contributing factors for the ongoing violence in the region would be removed. Everyone would live above the poverty line so the Muslim madrasas in the region that force-feed impoverished teens hate speech wouldn't have a captive audience. As a result the sort of radicalized population that exists in the area now is unlikely to be present in the hypothetical future. Additionally, the Israelis would have access to technology that would allow them to build their cities up rather than out to relieve population pressure meaning settlements in the Gaza Strip etc. would be less likely, or at least less likely to cause outright violence.
Comments from author:
One thing to keep in mind about Trek - there has always been a sociopolitical component. Everyone focuses on Gene's "Gosh gee, things are going to be good in the future" without noticing all the politics he heaped into many of the episodes. Of course, later writers and show runners continued that - often without as much alacrity and panache as Gene had. :)

For example: TOS was often a commentary on the Cold War. TNG was a running commentary on the ramifications of socialism and capitalism. DS9 was a commentary on war and the police state, and introduced the concept of secret forces acting in the best interests of a particular facet of society while attempting to undermine others (Section 31 - or the "Federation/United States is not as enlightened as you'd like to think it is" argument). It also introduced the idea of an enemy that is unknown and blend in with any facet of society (Changlings), and the control of a military force using drugs, genetic engineering and brainwashing (Jem'Hadar), and religious fanaticism (The Vorta). Voyager was about morality and sustaining that morality in the face of a universe that really would just like to kill you. Enterprise... well I didn't see enough of it to truly latch onto its overarching political message. Its important to note that all Trek before Enterprise aired before September 11th, and much of the political commentary made during the runs of these shows would have never been tolerated by entertainment execs after that. As for JJ Trek, just take a look at the political commentary there, because its thick and very visceral.

Of course, these are my own interpretations. YMMV.
Review By [speakerthesilent] • Date [27 Jan 14] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Hall Is Rented, The Orchestra Engaged..." from speakerthesilent
Review:
I would have rated this higher, but your rather blatant and childish political slant in the middle of this chapter really damaged my suspension of disbelief.

Senator Kinsey, for example, is an astute politician in SG1 canon who has managed to become a pivotal political figure despite being a complete ass. He would not make a public statement for the record that would offend so many people. Additionally, Rush Limbaugh is a visible public figure who has survived for decades in a difficult market. He would not call for anyone's 'head' if only because that sort of thing gets one tossed into prison to rot. Much less a 'slaughter'. Especially when he has fans that might actually do it because he called for it. This segment goes so far beyond a likely response that it actively detracts from what was otherwise a well written chapter.

Edit: Still, Kinsey saying something like that would be a gaffe worthy of Joe Biden. And my point still stands, someone as fundamentally self-absorbed as Kinsey isn't going to let someone else's long term goal impact his personal power negatively. I agree that he would go to great lengths to hide the existence of aliens, I just think he'd find a more intelligent way of going about it. I guess your depiction makes him seem one dimensional to me. He may be a complete asshat, but he also seems to believe that what he's doing will help the country, at least at first.

I can agree that sometimes Rush gets a bit off the wall with what he says. On the other hand, note the above. Ending up in jail wouldn't do anything for his income. Even assuming he got out of prison relatively quickly how many stations would drop him like he was radioactive afterwards? Even that old saw, 'All press is good press,' only goes so far. Another thing you might look into is how often Rush ends up being right when he makes a serious prediction. Its infuriating. His satirical bits are, of course, another matter.
Comments from author:
I had a reason for it. I'll clarify that reason a bit more than I had planned to in the story. You have to understand, Kinsey does not really represent only himself in the SG-1 universe. Everything he did had a reason and was not solely driven by his personal motivations. Second, everyone could see the ships - which had certain elements in a tissy. Kinsey, in order to hide the existence of aliens, would claim the Sun actually rose in the west and everything orbited around the Earth. That's because he's in it up to his eyeballs, and certain elements would push him to refute the claims even if a Cheops and several Ha'tak landed on the great pyramids. Rush Limbaugh would do anything that he believed would increase his income flow. I've heard the man make extraordinary claims on the radio, and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if he thought there was profit in it and someone asked him to make such a claim - he would do it. Also, keep in mind the audiences of these individuals, and the types of people they cater to. And remember, an unknown element has just turned every plan of the political powers of Earth into Swiss Cheese. Try to keep an open mind.
Review By [speakerthesilent] • Date [27 Jan 14] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A Tale of Two Captains..." from Nuklear
Review:
Okay read all four chapters at once and got to say like it so far... will admit at first had a hard time believing Kinsley would publicly say something like that but then remember some of the speeches I have heard the Tea Party give, most of which weren't that far from sayign the same thing, and it became a lot more believable
Comments from author:
Yeah. Lets just say there's a reason he suddenly moved to the far right. :) Politicians are not dumb, they feed their party base, for a part. The other part they dedicate to feeding their true supporters. Remember, Kinsey doesn't need to believe what he's saying - politicians have always been stage actors to a certain extent. And like actors, they don't get to write their own lines most of the time.
Review By [Nuklear] • Date [26 Jan 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Tale of Two Captains..." from SamDragon
Review:
Very good, looking forward to the next chapter.
Review By [SamDragon] • Date [26 Jan 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A Tale of Two Captains..." from Traveler
Review:
Nothing fancy as far as a review. I just reread all 4 chapters and just wanted to thank you for sharing and I like the story. Please continue.
Review By [Traveler] • Date [25 Jan 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A Tale of Two Captains..." from arinor
Review:
Worth the recommended citation with your last bit of personal exposition; the excellent you have done not with standing.
Review By [arinor] • Date [25 Jan 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Tale of Two Captains..." from AndreaMaine
Review:
Like your mixing of the storylines. Look up the pen and paper RPG Traveller. Their FTL sucks, but they have some cool ships. The Tigress-Class Dreadnaught is a sphere nearly as big as four ships the size of the Enterprise A or a Klingon D-7. She has a fusion power plant, a fusion powered jump drive capable of a single six parsec jump (19.56 light years) or any combination up to that total. She uses a reactionless maneuver drive capable of a space acceleration of 2Gs. She could make the Earth to Mars orbit run in about two and a half days. Her primary weapon is a 2.9 terajoule spinal mount meson cannon. She also has missile bays, particle beam turrets and other turret weapons as secondary batteries. She also has three ten plane squadrons of ten d-ton light fighters. Her volume is 500,000 d-tons. A d-ton is in standard measurements 500 cubic feet. Her measurements are 750x500x500 feet. The main hull is a sphere 500 ft in diameter with a secondary hull 250 x 500 x500 housing the flight deck, hangar bay, launch tubes and maneuver drives. Again like what you've got so far and oh I think Andromeda could take on a Tigress and win. The Tigress like most ships in the Traveller universe relies on armor and at her technology level she also has a Meson Screen to scatter or block the meson particles of the meson beams shot at her. The Tigress is a miniature Deathstar.
Review By [AndreaMaine] • Date [25 Jan 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Tale of Two Captains..." from EllandrahSylver
Review:
Okay, HMax said it. Get a flash drive, and make backups. All of my fiction is copied and stored in multiple places. I believed in serious redundancy when it comes to data storage, ever since I had to beg readers to help me find a couple of chapters of a fic I had taken down and subsequently deleted. I have at least five copies of my fiction folder... Not sure if there are more, actually, but I know there's five. Call new paranoid, but anywho...

I slogged through the extreme info dump. It would have been more interesting if you had introduced the characters and blended something like a plot into your long, "this is who we are, where we come from, and how we fit into or world" session of exposition.

Joyce is coming across as somewhat unstable. She's too aggressive for a Starfleet Captain.

As for the rest... it's just too long winded. Sorry.
Comments from author:
I've got plenty of backups. That's not the problem. This is my working computer - the computer I do all my typing on. *sigh* I'm not worried about losing stories, I'm worried about being able to work on it when I have the time to work on it.

As for the info dump, I'm sorry if it doesn't appeal to you. I am trying to build a reason for these characters to be there. And this was only a little bit of who they are in my mind. We all know the characters as they are from buffy, but this is our first glimpse of the characters they were as their possession. And this will eventually change and merge with their real selves as they move along.

And Joyce is a bit unstable - most of the possessions are at this point. The real Joyce is gibbering in her mind while the Captain is trying to hold the boat together. As for aggressive? Nothing I've seen in Buffy says Joyce would be an idle individual when confronted with extreme situations. How did she react to Buffy when the truth came out?
Review By [EllandrahSylver] • Date [25 Jan 14] • Not Rated
Page: 1 of 5 next end
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking