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Goddess Of Technology

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Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from serenityselena
Review:
interesting story ^_^
Comments from author:
Ty, I am working on being better with my grammar, I do like constructive comments. Or money :-) I have ideas for 4-6 more story lines.
Review By [serenityselena] • Date [10 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from Zerris
Review:
Interesting however you need to use complete words instead of short hand like 'mins'. That is not a word and a professional like Janet would not use some slang for minutes. You also need to add more description on what is happening rather than have the whole thing feel like a bunch of talking heads.

Try also to keep dialog for one person together rather than paragraphing every line until after you switch to a new person. Unless you are going to end up with a massive wall of text, that is when you break the lines into a new paragraph.
Review By [Zerris] • Date [9 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from maylith
Review:
I think you have an interesting concept here. I will be interested in how you develop it. As someone has already mentioned punctuation, I will refrain from doing so. Although having a beta reader is great, it really pays to learn such skills yourself. I saw a couple of cases of correctly spelled words but the words being wrong for the grammar structure. Potentially a spell check issue. It never hurts to read over your own material a few times looking for such things. The trick is to read slowly, even half speed of your normal rate. Try to read as if you have never seen the story before.

I really like the idea you have come up with, it is quite original. As I said, I will be looking forward to future installments.
Comments from author:
TY.
I will try your suggestions.
Review By [maylith] • Date [9 Mar 14] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from Bobboky
Review:
Cool
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [9 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from RevDorothyL
Review:
Intriguing! :)
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [9 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from (Past Donor)DreamSmith
Review:
This story....
Wow, this story.
But first, let me take a moment to mention this:

::PXY-BR-549::

Heh. Yes, I see what you did there. A few of us are old enough to have seen 'Hee Haw' as children.

Now, about the story?
I'll admit to being mightily confused by this. Not by what you wrote, but by how you wrote it.
You ARE aware that sentences have to end with some sort of punctuation, right? Fully half of the sentences in this thing just end, with no period, or any other punctuation to end them. Since some of the sentences DO have end punctuation, I have to believe that you know it's supposed to be there, so what's going on? If it's just a matter of not caring/not bothering, then how can you expect readers to care/bother with the story?

There are also tons of other odd mistakes; open quotes, randomly capitalized words, missing commas and hyphens, sentence fragments, and so on. I honestly lost track of what the story was about before I reached the end of the first chapter, when the flurry of mistakes became so dense that everything else faded into the background.
And that's a shame, because I was interested in this; I was curious as to what sort of goddess you were going to introduce.
Comments from author:
yes your right punctuation is my worst skill, I will try to do better in the future. Looking for a Beta editor. I will admit this is my first attempt at writing a story like this. Congratulations on getting the "Hee Haw" reference.
Review By [(Past Donor)DreamSmith] • Date [9 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from CPTSkip
Review:
Interesting start with a lot of potential. I hope you continue your story.
Comments from author:
ty I like comments that are constructive.I have about 10 chapters thought out,I will mostly be posting on Sat Nights,have some fun ones soon.
Review By [CPTSkip] • Date [9 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from CageFire
Review:
Interesting start. I kinda hope by the name that this isn't a Xander gender-bender. I have read one or two that were okay, but they were somewhat realistic about it and how he reacts to becoming a she. I would've guessed more that it was willow though, unless she calls herself Alexandria as a tribute to Xander or something. I assume this is a Buffy crossover. You didn't really say much of what she looked like other than her age and clothing. Not even the hair color that I remember.
Comments from author:
Yes your right ,I will add a bit of a better description of her looks,The first 3-5 chapters will be a bit of a setup.
Review By [CageFire] • Date [9 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from misterwhy
Review:
sometimes I think everyone in stargate command should study hinduism. just about everything is a god in that system
Review By [misterwhy] • Date [2 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Current Donor)WildMartin
Review:
A fun opening chapter, although "I am a god." has got to be the worst phrase to utter inside of Cheyenne Mountain.
Comments from author:
As Intended :-)
Review By [(Current Donor)WildMartin] • Date [2 Mar 14] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Bobboky
Review:
nice
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [2 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from clei
Review:
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from TroyGuffey
Review:
OK, decent start. Could be interesting.

Alexandra is a SMALL-G "god", not a Capital-G. Think entities like Q, not the Creator of All.
>
>
Any sort of Q? Umm...No. Think Skuld and her sisters from the Ah!/Oh My Goddess Manga/Anime series instead.

They would stomp the Q like the bugs they are....
Review By [clei] • Date [2 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from fanreaderonetwo
Review:
re
"It is the power converter from a Vogan Battle Cruiser, It’s burnt out or you would have blown this mountain to rubble twice over"

No, no, no, it is _not_ a Vogan power converter!!!!!!!
"It is a Vogan poetry recorder! It’s burnt out or you would have turned it on, and the Vogan poetry would have driven every person in this underground base insane within minutes." grin
Comments from author:
congratulations,you are the first to find a hidden "cookie" there are others and will be more. And considering my name maybe I did ;-)
Review By [fanreaderonetwo] • Date [2 Mar 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from TroyGuffey
Review:
OK, decent start. Could be interesting.

Alexandra is a SMALL-G "god", not a Capital-G. Think entities like Q, not the Creator of All.
Review By [TroyGuffey] • Date [2 Mar 14] • Rating [7 out of 10]
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