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Faith's new sword

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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Bobboky
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [31 May 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from raxadian
This would work better if Faith was given the sword of Thundera... heck, I would settle with the sword of She-Ra... also, some humor.
Comments from author:
personally i'd rather have the sword she has... :-)
Review By [raxadian] • Date [30 May 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from djhardim
Not bad

A few things I noticed -

Since Faith has been called, the year should be 1998 (between season 2 and 3).

Faith thought for a bit then mentally wished for a 1969 -- mark -- I -- ford-- Mustang and less than a second later one appeared in front of her. Faith's eyes went wide and then she walked around it, tapped it and then opened -- it's --hood. She found an engine. Heading to the driver's seat she got in only to discover that there -- wasn't -- any keys. She wished for a set of keys for the Mustang and -- a -- they appeared in her hand, she grinned as she used them to start the car.

Both "mark" and "ford" should be capitalized.

Possessive form of it is its (this took me a while to get straight).

I think that the verb should be "weren't", rather than "wasn't".

An extra "a" you don't need.
Comments from author:
Thank you for the review

I'll fix the grammer when i update. I wrote it fast and got it up as quickly as possible because if i didn't this story wouldn't have seen the light of day. I have so many story ideas floating around. 98% of them never go anywhere or get converted into rpg adventures.

Review By [djhardim] • Date [30 May 14] • Not Rated
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