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Blood Child: Origins of Rebirth

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Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from narukyu
Review:
I realize the last time you updated was back in 2004, but wth...

I thought this was very interesting. I don't think I've seen very many Lost Boys fanfic lingering on the net, and it was fun to see how the boys might have come to be.

The only issue I can think of is this: sometimes there's such a thing as being too wordy. Like, in the first chapter, you said, "He absently brushed away a stray strand of his long brown hair and stood up slowly". It's a fine sentence, but it throws people out of the story because it's using too many words to describe such a simple motion. If you cross out stray and maybe long, you'll have a better sentence. Or if you said combined the words 'stood up slowly' into a single, more descriptive word (rose, for instance), it would have less of a, er, distraction. :D

Other than that, this was a good start to an interesting story.
Review By [narukyu] • Date [28 Apr 10] • Not Rated
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