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Unforeseen Consequences: Heart of Darkness

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Review of chapter "Unforeseen Consequences: Heart of Darkness" from Vld
Review:
Well, I remember reading it a while back, when I had yet to watch Noir, and I liked it. Now I must wonder... one, will you do another story with Harry Potter? Afterall, she killed Bellatrix, so Voldie would probably come after her for that. And second, I'm guessing the Obliviate didn't work because of her possession, am I right?
Comments from author:
Thanks for the comments. As for another Harry Potter story, no I don't have one planned at the moment. Your other question you already answered yourself in your other review, so I'll answer that one now.
Review By [Vld] • Date [28 Aug 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Unforeseen Consequences: Heart of Darkness" from skychan
Review:
Hi, I just finished this and I really rather enjoyed it. I do hope that you come back to it eventually at some point as it was very fun and everyone always enjoys seeing belatrix sprayed across the cobblestones. In anycase I am really enjoying this story as Noir is one of my particular favorites and hope I can at some point find that board you mentioned with what really happened on it.
Review By [skychan] • Date [31 Jan 06] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Unforeseen Consequences: Heart of Darkness" from pcody
Review:
Developing in a new and completely unexpted direction. This series is turning into one of the best epics on the site.
Comments from author:
Thank you, I hope your opinion will remain the same once the series progresses.
Review By [pcody] • Date [26 Sep 04] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Unforeseen Consequences: Heart of Darkness" from HolyKnight
Review:
well....you got me slackjawed........
Comments from author:
Thanks :-)
Review By [HolyKnight] • Date [4 Aug 04] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Unforeseen Consequences: Heart of Darkness" from Cutiepie
Review:
That was very exciting. And judging by the watch now being real, I assume it was also not just a dream. However, I would like some more in-depth explanation on that. Will Jane remember going to Diagon Alley (even as just a dream)? Will they find the stuff they bought at WWW? Did they actually go, and were just 'mind wiped' to think it was just a dream? Then again, I was never quite straight on how the two of them got to be at Hermione's in the first place. =]
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review, I have just given an explanation in the comment on CPTSkip's review so I won't repeat that. But it should explain most of what you asked about, Jane didn't go but her counterpart from the Potterverse went. Dawn did actually go there but it isn't likely she'll get the stuff from WWW into this universe. And the way they got to be at Hermione's was deliberately left unclear, both because it wasn't important to the story and because the lack of background actually was. Did that make any sense? Let's just say it has to do with the fact that there wasn't really a background for Dawn to be in.
Review By [Cutiepie] • Date [3 Aug 04] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Unforeseen Consequences: Heart of Darkness" from CPTSkip
Review:
First of all, Happy Birthday!

Second, I really enjoyed most of your story. I love Jane. She is a real hoot and I think she really is good for Dawn. And I love this version of Dawn. She is both the TV character and this amazing killing machine, all in one package. She's just cool. Your action scenes were very good, if very brutal. Like they should be in "real life". I hate most TV and movie violence when the results aren't awful and dirty and nasty. I am still amazed at the smooth way you mix humor with all the "bad stuff" and make it all quite enjoyable. I also thought you did a good job with all the Potterverse people. But...

You did know there was going to be a "but" right? I thought your ending was a cliche and a bit of a cop-out. The old "And then she woke up..." is a bit of a pain and has been used by so many before you. It sort of negated all the good stuff that has gone on before. However, with the watch now being real, this meant that it wasn't a dream. So what really happened? Much confusion in this audience member's mind.

As I wrote earlier, I really enjoyed 90% of your story, but your ending just bugs me. Sorry, and I hope you don't take offence at my comments, but I figured you should know. My quibbles about your ending aside, I look forward to your next story with much anticipation because you are a very good writer and write some very neat stories.
Comments from author:
First, thanks.
Second, thanks for the praise and I agree with you about the violence thing, it's one of the reasons I write it like that.
Yes, I knew there was a but. Yes, the dream thing is a cliche but... as you said yourself it wasn't a dream. Okay, I'll give a brief explanation since you obviously aren't the only one who wants to know, I won't go into details since nobody in the story understands it either.

Dawn is the Key, that's something we all know and we know that this means she is used to cross to different dimensions. I personally don't believe that the only way to do that is by destroying all the boundaries, that's just the simple solution Glory came up with and be honest, she wasn't the smartest deity around. Due to the whole way Dawn's mind is messed up she's gained a subconcious control over the powers of the Key (and no in my stories she'll never gain concious control). This way she can end up in another universe but still remaining the same person, she gains a background in that universe the same way she did in this one so nobody thinks it strange she suddenly appeared (after all, there is only one Key so she can't have existed in those other universes). This whole business also uses the idea that every universe that has been imagined (by a writer, tv producer or even someone's mind) actually exists. Constraints here are the fact that she remains on Earth and in her own time, where in her own time means a period of time that she's alive, so she can't go to 1950 or 2150 (unless it's in a universe where medical breakthroughs would have made that possible). Since she, more or less, actually goes there everything that happens to her really happens. This does indeed mean that she can get wounded there, which would only leave scars, and even die, which would leave a corpse.

I hope that explained it a little, I'll probably put an explanation like this at the beginning of the next Unforeseen Consequences story but Dawn won't find out how it works anytime soon. Besides, until she can deal with it I don't think it would be wise to tell her she basically IS magic.

Thanks for the review, and I never take offence at criticism as it can only help me get better at writing.
Review By [CPTSkip] • Date [3 Aug 04] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Unforeseen Consequences: Heart of Darkness" from unicornzvi
Review:
Two points. First It's a very well written story. I particularly liked how you wrote Hermonny.
Second as a general rule I HATE "and then they woke up" stories but since it's your birthday I'll forgive you.

The Unicorn

P.S
Happy Birthday
Comments from author:
Thanks for the comments and well, it isn't quite a "then she woke up" story. This time around the only thing that changed was the watch but if she'd been hurt there would have been scars... And that's not quite normal in a wake up story.
Review By [unicornzvi] • Date [3 Aug 04] • Rating [7 out of 10]
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