Review of chapter "?forgiven?" from oldscout
I have to agree with all the other reviews about spelling, sometimes you spell Illyria completely different in the same sentence. Also the formatting of chapter 2 needs to be fixed. Each new speaker should get a different paragraph and there should be a blank line between paragraphs. This makes it a lot easier to read. Finally please remove the Author's notes from the body of the text, they are very distracting. If you would like to include explanations, then include them at the end of the chapter so a reader can chose to skip.
Keep writing, keep it smart.
Review By [oldscout
] • Date [18 Aug 04] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "?battles?" from spacey
well you aure weren't teasing about your spelling and grammar! ::wink:: all i ask is that you settle on a single way to spell..... er.... Aliria. yeah, i know, throwing stones, I cannot spel worth a darn myself. but still, if you spelled it the same way i might not have to sound it out each time and then go 'duh!' and smack myself anf then have to re-find where i was in the story. except for the finding fred part i like everything so far. i have a question about paige, though. why didn't she heal gunn? she healed her father once, didn;t she? also, i saw the great evil leo episode and the chris dying episode but why doesn;t phoebe have active powers? and when did she learn to levitate? and i really like charmed. and is it a 'fact' that fred liked willowy? because i really liked the two of them together, very much cinnimony goodness
Review By [spacey
] • Date [6 Aug 04] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "?battles?" from raven
For reference: Gunn, Illyria, Lorne, Paige, British, Winifred.
Destination and place mean the same thing so "...drove towards Angels destination place." is redundant.
Where did the baby come from? I don't remember a baby in the last episode...
Either Aunty or Auntie-you use both within a few sentences of each other.
Nice summary of the final episode-may want to clarify some of your scenes after that. If they struck that hard a blow to W&H then why can't the survivors go back to Spike's apartment, the Hyperion, Wesley's place or Gunn's friends? Even just long enough to regroup? In the day they had to enjoy before the battle, did no one plan for this contingency by buying a house? Or even stocking a bit of money away? Putting them in a shack just seems too simplistic.
Review By [raven
] • Date [5 Aug 04] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "?battles?" from Caliadragon
This looks to be a very interesting fic and I am enjoying it greatly. I do however have a few small suggestions. You really need to find a site that will give you the basics about Angel and the spelling of the characters names. You spelled Gunn's name with only one n and you completly misspelled Illyria's name.
Review By [Caliadragon
] • Date [5 Aug 04] • Rating [6 out of 10]