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The girl next door

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Review of chapter "Not learning any magic" from starwolf
Review:
your story show at lot of promise and an interesting premise. I would love to see what Hogwarts makes of Dawn.
I hope you get a chance to add to this. thanks for sharing it.
Review By [starwolf] • Date [19 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Not learning any magic" from (Past Donor)Skyefather
Review:
I truly am enjoying the story so far I known you haven't updated in awhile but please continue
Review By [(Past Donor)Skyefather] • Date [7 Feb 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Not learning any magic" from organicmagic
Review:
This is a good story so far, your spelling is a little off sometimes, but as English isn't your first language - I have to say well done. This is very well written so far. My only complaint would be that the story is moving a little fast at the moment, maybe add in a little more description of what is going on and the BtVS characters reactions to the organized wizarding world etc.

If you still need a beta, I would not mind helping out when I can. My email is niennasilimaure@hotmail.com - just email me with "beta" in the subject line if you want me to help.
Review By [organicmagic] • Date [4 Mar 05] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Not learning any magic" from frogstompinfun
Review:
WELL!!!',,,,,,,,

Nah jokeing I liked it heaps love the idea and the only thing I have to say is it all happened a bit quickly for me!!, but as I say to people who tell me that is Hey my story my rules, and if ya dont like it then you dont have to read or review.,,

FROGSTOMPINFUN
Review By [frogstompinfun] • Date [2 Oct 04] • Rating [6 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Not learning any magic" from (Past Donor)boo
Review:
this is very cute
Review By [(Past Donor)boo] • Date [5 Sep 04] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "London" from LNR
Review:
I Really like this story. I hope you go much further with it! Keep up the great work.
Review By [LNR] • Date [26 Aug 04] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "London" from Jill
Review:
When switching characters, ALWAYS begin a new paragraph. For example...

Where you wrote:

As Tuesday arrived Harry went down to breakfast as usual. He had already packed a small backpack with the things he would need that day and given it to Dawn the day before. Now all he had to do was wait for the doorbell. When he had just finished his breakfast he heard it “ding dong”, and couldn’t help but smile at the thought of what was coming next. Uncle Vernon got up to open the door and said to Harry “Keep out of sight boy”. Harry just kept on smiling and didn’t say anything in reply. From the hall he could now hear the voice of Dawn introducing herself and then saying “That nice boy who lives here promised he would show me some places”. Dudley who had recognised the voice got up from the table and, with a broad smile on his face, he walked out into the hall. “Ah, here’s my Dudley now” Harry heard uncle Vernon say. “Oh no, not him the nice one” he heard Dawn reply, “Dark messy hair and glasses” she added. Dudley and uncle Vernon returned to the kitchen both looking furious. “There’s someone here to see you” said uncle Vernon, “I’ll get both you and that silly girl for this” added Dudley, his face completely red from pure fury. Harry just smiled at them both, got up from the kitchen table and left the house.

It should be:

As Tuesday arrived Harry went down to breakfast as usual. He had already packed a small backpack with the things he would need that day and given it to Dawn the day before. Now all he had to do was wait for the doorbell. When he had just finished his breakfast he heard it “ding dong”, and couldn’t help but smile at the thought of what was coming next.

Uncle Vernon got up to open the door and said to Harry, “Keep out of sight boy”.

Harry just kept on smiling and didn’t say anything in reply. From the hall he could now hear the voice of Dawn introducing herself and then saying “That nice boy who lives here promised he would show me some places”.

Dudley who had recognised the voice got up from the table and, with a broad smile on his face, he walked out into the hall.

“Ah, here’s my Dudley now” Harry heard uncle Vernon say.

“Oh no, not him the nice one” he heard Dawn reply, “Dark messy hair and glasses” she added. Dudley and uncle Vernon returned to the kitchen both looking furious.

“There’s someone here to see you” said uncle Vernon.

“I’ll get both you and that silly girl for this” added Dudley, his face completely red from pure fury.

Harry just smiled at them both, got up from the kitchen table and left the house.

I also put in a couple commas, but no big mistakes other than the lack of paragraph breaks. If you hadn't told me English wasn't your first language, I never would have known. Good work.
Review By [Jill] • Date [26 Aug 04] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "London" from (Past Donor)Kiara
Review:
I like the plot of the story so far, its interesting and has its own twist to the typical romance. If i'm going to be really, really critical, then I'll say that I enjoyed the first chapter more as the second seemed a little bit rushed, e.g. Dawn suddenly finding out she's a witch but neither her, Buffy, Willow or Giles make any kind of deal about it, but still a great story!
Kiara
Review By [(Past Donor)Kiara] • Date [26 Aug 04] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "London" from VillageOrchid
Review:
Only a few wrong words or spellings, and your meaning was quite clear. Overall an enjoyable part of the story.
You might want to check your paragraph formatting, so that dialog for different characters is separated by a blank line.

Also you might want to add some kind of mental or verbal aside on Giles' behalf, as he has cast spells
-- he may just not be a natural wizard.

Harry might not know the distinction and it is possible that Giles' had not heard of the secret wizarding world except in myth.

Thanks for sharing your efforts.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [26 Aug 04] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Neigbours" from VillageOrchid
Review:
This is actually kind of sweet. I'm accepting your premise that the boarding school philosophy that treats Harry as a "child" means he really doesn't have much knowledge or predjudice against other kinds of magic users, especially when it is clear they weren't from the UK originally.
I highly recommend that you take off the invitation for people to copy your work and claim it as their own. It is a little cute to be self-depreciating, but not a good thing to encourage.
Comments from author:
Will remove that comment perhaps
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [26 Aug 04] • Rating [7 out of 10]
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