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The last laugh

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Review of chapter "The last laugh" from (Current Donor)Shieldage
Needs a disclaimer. Oh, your reply to a review says it's D&D? That would explain the tana'ri, at least. Should be put in Games then, or Multiple Crossings.

Needs serious formatting. Some very odd event choices and bad moments. I still don't understand what's happening to Sunnydale - has it merged with an existing plane?

Some confusion in the first chapter between severe and sever, poise/pose and quite/quit.

Chapter 5 has 'How got out' instead of 'Who got out'

Chapter 6 has: "And it was sketching to be a good one, too." I think you meant 'starting' or 'turning out' or 'sketching itself out'? Might just be a phrase I'm unfamiliar with...

I don't think you explain who or what 'Sam' actually was.

Tiamat claimed the Mayor's Soul? Awesome.

Angela's immune to the curse? Okay, that's impressive - she's a great enemy for an immortal Slayer.
Review By [(Current Donor)Shieldage] • Date [11 Feb 11] • Rating [5 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 7" from Darklight
Oh yeah the mayor is back, keep the chapters coming and get the Mayor to get Faith her own body back again or a brand new one.
Review By [Darklight] • Date [27 Dec 04] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The last laugh" from Drow
Good start. You have me intrigued, please continue.

One question, which book are you crossing with?
Comments from author:
Actually, I'm crossing it was the DnD line - you know, the d20 modern role-playing game, and others.
Review By [Drow] • Date [24 Dec 04] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The last laugh" from ueshiba
How evil - yet very enjoyable, keep it up.
Review By [ueshiba] • Date [24 Dec 04] • Rating [9 out of 10]
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