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Review of chapter "The Wayward Beginning" from spring
Wow, Harry as a slayer interesting. I do hope that you continue updating this story again soon.
Review By [spring] • Date [23 Nov 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Wayward Beginning" from NeilDingley
Good so far, hope to see more!
Like the Idea of Harry as a Male Slayer, I think I posted a Challenge allong those lines at some point.
Review By [NeilDingley] • Date [30 Sep 08] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Wayward Beginning" from zafaran
Any chance of getting another chapter on this story any time soon? Harry as a Slayer is an interesting concept, and I like how you're misdirecting the others by having him seem to be a Watcher-in-training. At least when he gets back to Hogwarts he can use the Room of Requirement to make himself a training area (though the Chamber of Secrets is an option if he needs to hide where he trains). I hope your schedule and muse will allow you to write and post more chapters sometime soon. Keep up the good work. Zafaran {mailto:} zafaran {at} fastmail {dot} fm
Review By [zafaran] • Date [4 Jul 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Wayward Beginning" from Elleria
Looking forward to the next bit.
Review By [Elleria] • Date [24 May 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Very Long Day" from arkeus
I liked it a lot, much better than the other version. Still hoping you won't pull a disappearing act on thescooby as in the other version!
Review By [arkeus] • Date [12 Jan 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Decision" from arkeus

I still dislike the whole Hermione cliche of her not believing in slayers when she had to believe in herself being a witch O.o
Review By [arkeus] • Date [12 Jan 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Surprise" from arkeus
Interesting, and much better written than the previous version. I am just..Saddened, by the lack of scoobies in the Future, and the lack of hermione too :D
Review By [arkeus] • Date [11 Jan 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Very Long Day" from Lia
I remember reading your story before. The idea was interesting so I read it to the end. Then you stopped updating :(

One sore point in the previous version was that you seemed to skip all a big segment of time of his training and bonding with his fellow magic using slayers.

One positive point was that Luna was a slayer (love her character). Harry would feel more comfortable with a familiar face and he always seems a little protective of her. I also liked Harry's confidence and attitude change when he returned to Hogwarts. Part of this was just having some back up and feeling like part of the group. I'd like to see Harry change his mind and begin to trust the Scooby gang. Right now he must feel as isolated like he is in Hogwarts. The strange case, the freak compared to others.

Bye the way, wouldn't the demons know about a male slayer. The teenage girls would most likely gossip about him while on patrol. It'd be funny to try to make Harry blend in by disguising him as a girl just to avoid people from spilling the info into the demon community. Also, the Scoobies could locate some psychics to search for information on the appearance of a male slayer and the reasons he was called. Do the council employ psychics?

As you can see, I'm encouraging you to keep writing. Please continue.
Review By [Lia] • Date [11 Jan 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Very Long Day" from mithrilandtj
I am SO gald that you're posting this story here!

(I really don't like
Review By [mithrilandtj] • Date [11 Jan 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Glitch" from MusingsOfApathy
I have read this story, seems like years ago, if I recall correctly.

I can see that this is still in a draft, as there are several mistakes that a good beta would help you with. If you need help, I would be willing to help, or maybe other would as well.

Just a thought on the end of the chapter:


You have two people with a spell that they are using to find adolescent girls. When the spell finds an adolescent boy, they are unhappy. They express that they want to fix the spell to only find the adolescent girls that they want to find. And Harry doesn't find it a bit pedophiliac stalkerish?

"So, let me get this straight," Harry said slowly. "You two are using a spell to find teenage girls. Sure, I can understand. I have several friends that would want to do the same. But I find it a bit freaky that you are here at 2:34 in the morning walking around a sleeping neighborhood in the suburbs trying to find some adolescent girls to take with you. You see the problem here? And now you want me to go with you because the spell is broke and only supposed to see little girls not little boys? What's wrong red? He been getting all the little girls and you want a male plaything for when he's busy with the little girls? Did it take much to tweak the spell enough to find something for you?"

"I'll have you know you couldn't be further from the truth. I would never ... and she ... besides, she is not interested in men."

"Really? So I had it all wrong? The girls hadn't been to slake your perverted desires?"

"No, I assure you. I would never..."

"Of course. So she's not a lover of the outies. So, it was her spell was it?"

"Well, yes she did develop it."

"So, how hard was it to tweak, you old pervert? She's been getting all the teen girls with her spell and dragging you along for how long? It would explain her confusion when the spell picked me up. What's wrong? Seeing her with her little girl love make you ache for the man boy love? You know, can't say I'm interested in joining you. Maybe I could find a Bobby that would be interested in where you've been taking your adolescent teens for Miss Scarlet here."


Sorry, just thought it did sound a bit suspicious. You could internalize Harry's doubts about the two, him being convinced they are up to perverted and nefarious plots with the teenage girls and going along to rescue them. So he goes along quietly, and at some point attempts to "rescue" the girls he finds. It would also make him look a bit the fool and a bit the hero in the slayers' minds. Could add some more flavor to the mix there.

Of course, the story is up to you. Thank you for writing.

Mike (MoA)
Comments from author:
Oh my god! That's hilarious. I love the idea. I never saw that since I was aiming at getting Harry to go with them without the whole "let's just kidnap him and deal if he freaks out" way that I seemed to have done with the first version.

That's a very good point though. Never realized how it sounded. The scoobies, an international kidnapping gang of pedophiles, (only girls though) of course. The possiblities.

I will have to fix that. Gah this will change my entire second chapter then! Ooo, actually it would work better seeing how I get them to headquarters and a few comments made by Giles. Hmm. Re-write!

I would love your help though! I reread some of the chapter when you said mistakes, I have edited that a bit and was shocked to find no -s on the wizard when it was needed. I could use the help.

Could you send me an email from my profile page? I'd send you my email and we can discuss this. Thank you, by the way. This was very helpful.
Review By [MusingsOfApathy] • Date [15 Nov 07] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Glitch" from purrfus
Interesting to see where this goes. Good luck with your story restructuring.

You said you weren't happy with the flow and might re-write this revised chapter. If / when you do consider taking a look at the amount of thought / time / space given to discribing the vampires vs how much attention is paid to the Scoobies. The balance seemed off, especially when some of the characters were throughaway dusters.
Comments from author:
Good point, I don't know how I didn't realize that. The first thing that I realized was that I described the four dusted vamps but not the fifth that grabbed Harry from behind. He kind of just vanishes. That was what I realized first.

I will have to look it over. The Scoobies are more important here. Thank you.

Review By [purrfus] • Date [14 Nov 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Glitch" from arkeus
Wow...nice first chapter.

I think i am going to read the old version, then go back to this version as it's posted :D
Review By [arkeus] • Date [14 Nov 07] • Not Rated
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