I liked that Jack was there to help Cassie settle in.
Comments from author:
Thanks! I'm suprised that anyone read this after it was first posted. You're my first reveiw in over a year. I keep meaning to work on a continuation to this story, but never get the chance. I'm glad someone still found it.
An interesting idea. Unfortunately, there are a number of mechanical issues. You might want to consider seeking the aid of a beta.
Also, your summary... two mistakes you might want to fix --
1. a "collage" is art see: http://www.artlex.com/ArtLex/c/collage.html. Dawn is most likely going to "college", a place of higher learning. 2. Your ficlet is 250 words. A drabble is only 100 words. Also -- A drabble should really be a complete "story"/idea/thought. Your ficlet works as a beginning... but has no end.
Comments from author:
thank you for pointing those out. I'm a terrible speller. Also, I'm new to the fic writing community and wasn't aware of the drabble length thing, I changed it to drabbleish, and probaly will be adding another chapter anyways.
A nicely executed idea/ficlet. I almost expected the "roomate" to be mini-Jack -- some mix-up with co-ed dorms. It is plausible for Dawn to study in the midwest to have a nice "normal" college experience. Even if the college isn't in colorado springs, I can see O'Neill wanting to be a short trip away from where Cassie goes. Thanks for sharing.
Comments from author:
Thanks!! mini!jack and a mix up, interesting. I think I'll add more chapters and toss him in somewhere!
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [29 Aug 05] • Rating [7 out of 10]
It's a cute idea, but you've got some issues to work out. Mechanics are pretty important, as are keeping characters "in character".
It wouldn't hurt to have some description of what the characters are doing (shooting death glares, et cetera)
Comments from author:
Thanks for reveiwing!! I thought I was just going to write two or three senances and have it as a drabble, so I didn't think of mechanics or in character, or good descripions. Also, it was one of my last days of vacation and I wanted to make sure I didn't think to hard and not have the mental energy for the first day of 8th grade. good thing I saved it up too, I had 4 out of seven teachers give me at least 10 min of homework!
Review By [BrendanM] • Date [29 Aug 05] • Rating [3 out of 10]
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