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Review of chapter "Shuffle" from FireWolfe
Review:
This needs an update I like the idea of this story it has so much potential.
Review By [FireWolfe] • Date [3 Jun 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 18" from FireWolfe
Review:
Love to see more
Review By [FireWolfe] • Date [18 Mar 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 18" from TwoBlackDragons
Review:
Evil author = one who doesn't finish stories they start.
And this is a good story, so please stop being an evil author.
Review By [TwoBlackDragons] • Date [8 Feb 10] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 18" from CarmenLindsay
Review:
AWW MAN.....YA GOTTA FINISH THIS STORY!!!!! Your writing is really good stuff!!!! Don't leave us hanging!!!! PLEASE!!!!!
Review By [CarmenLindsay] • Date [5 Jul 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Shuffle" from FireWolfe
Review:
This is a very interesting fic. I have noticed it has not been updated in a while. I would really love to see more. It is sad when fics hang in limbo forever.
Fire
Review By [FireWolfe] • Date [23 Jan 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 18" from Mwhahahaha
Review:
I hope you come back to this...I'd really like to read more!
Review By [Mwhahahaha] • Date [6 Oct 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 18" from mithrilandtj
Review:
Cool magical counter-attack from Willow and the others.

I think Edward needs a bigger gun... like a cannon with a ball big enough to REMOVE her head.

And Asher is SO stupid.
JC & Anita had a relationship for quite some time without the blood.
Anita refused to feed him. (That's what Jason's for) I don't think Anita really shared blood with JC willingly until "Incubus Dreams"
Comments from author:
True, but with Buffy and Asher, there's still the factor of what her blood will do to him. It's not merely that he can't share her blood; its that it reminds him of what the holy water did to him. Or something.
Review By [mithrilandtj] • Date [27 Dec 07] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 17" from clarityfades
Review:
LOVE this story...and very intrigued about all the scoobial changes! makes me hope they stay, and that when this is finished, there'll be a sequel.
Review By [clarityfades] • Date [29 Nov 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 17" from Bobboky
Review:
:)
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [26 Nov 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 17" from (Past Donor)Ponder
Review:
Hi, I really like your story, but it needs some copyediting, and minor tweaks. Caught a couple thinkos early on that spoiled its plausibility just a tiny bit for me, but you got past those pretty quickly and the rest of the story was pretty solid. I like. :)

When you make the fixes, best to do it in your original word processor document and then repaste the chapters here. Some of my suggested fixes were for quote and apostrophe characters, and those can't be typed directly into the TtH form, at least not and have them match the rest of your story. ("smart" quotes).

I can tell you're probably british or australian. I don't mind british spellings, for the most part, but I will correct them when they scream out as totally wrong to me. I think there was only one spot I did that below. Also, I fix it when I find british idioms coming out of american character's mouths.

EDIT: List of tyops etc removed; more substansive comments left in. Thanks for making the fixes.

Chapter 1:

> "That's funny," she said a few minutes later. "It says that it's not a valid phone number."

Why did her cellphone work at all? I know it's fantasy, but it does stretch plausibility to have her phone by some cooincidence match the ID of a working one in this dimension. Cell phone IDs are long multi-digit things, to make them hard to hit at random, the same reason credit card numbers are long. I'd replace that with either the phone complaining no service is available, or perhaps an intercept message "sorry, your phone doesn't have working service, if you'd like to set up service, please call..." I'm not sure if a never-been-activated phone would even be able to dial to get a "you don't have service" message, so the phone displaying "no service" seems a better bet. Yes, the phone was activated in the universe they came from, but the network they're currently in wouldn't see it that way.

EDIT: Sorry, I shouldn't have said "intercept message". That's a bit of telecom jargon, and maybe Willow might use it (probably not though) but definitely not Dawn. Most americans would just say "I got a recording" or something like that.


Also, the bit where they pool their money is also a bit implausible. Once they're certain they're in another dimension, it should be a given to them that their money might not be any good where they are. They should at least bring up the possibility amongst themselves. Then, later, they happen to find out it's similar enough to pass as legal... oh well that's also hard to buy but I haven't actually read any of the Anitaverse original novels, so I can't speak to those canon issues. I have read a few Anitaverse fanfic stories here, and at least one of them said something about how eerily similar that world is to ours, all except the open nature of the preternatural. So be it. Bet the signatures on the notes aren't the right ones, though. :)

By any chance are you watching the new show _Journeyman_? Don't know if that one has made it across the pond yet. You can catch the last few episodes at nbc.com. That one features a time traveler, something like that old _Quantum Leap_ show but he leaps with whatever he's carrying. They've brought up both cellphone and currency issues that crop up even with short time travel jumps of just a few years.

Chapter 3:

Wouldn't the Scoobies be quite interested in the fact Anita was able to kill the vampire with a gun? Or did you skip over the part where they already learned about the differences between Anitaverse and Buffyverse vamps? Many of your readers on TtH won't be familiar with the Anitaverse, so that kind of thing should be brought out sooner, and not glossed over.

> Before Addison vs. Clark

Italicize the court decision. Definitely need to explain what it is too. I haven't read enough Anitaverse stories to know what that means, exactly. I'm guessing it was some kind of landmark court case that gave vampires rights in this 'verse? And that's just a guess based on the other anitaverse crossover fics I've read here.


Chapter 7:

> Buffy’ll do her nut.”

That's a britishism or australiansim that an american character wouldn't say. I actually had to look it up to find out what it meant. :) How about:
Buffy'll be so mad.
or something like that.

Chapter 15:

> She handed over the required amount of money and settled herself at the last computer

I've never been to a public library that charged to use their computers. Not saying that they don't exist in the U.S., but I think they are rare... unless that's the way they really do it in St. Louis? Never been in a library in that town, and my last visit was before the internet era anyway. :)

Sometimes when I've needed to use a computer at a public library, I've been required to get a library card, but that's usually free too. It's slightly more common to charge a small fee for that, I think, but I've personally never been to one in the U.S. that did.


> It wasn’t hard, from there, to hack into the police database.

That trick is just about impossible to do from a public library computer, unless she used magic. They lock down those things pretty tight, and don't allow anything but approved programs to run from a customized menu. Web browsing, word processing, etc. Doesn't matter how good a hacker you are. Just a mention of her casting a quick "unlock spell" or somesuch would fix this.

=========

I really liked your story, just want it to be better. :) I'm available as a beta if you want it.

*** Ponder
Comments from author:
Wow, thank you very much. This has to be one of the longest and most thorough reviews I’ve ever received.

You’re half right. I’m neither British nor Australian, but I am a New Zealander and we do use a majority of British spelling. So I really do appreciate your help with Americanisms and such. (‘Do your nut’ is so unheard of that you had to look it up? I didn’t realize.)

I implemented most of the changes you suggested, but a few I left as they are. (Mostly the dialogue and things like redhead vs. red-head). You brought up a good point with the money and the cell phone. The Anita Blake universe is described pretty much as modern day America plus vampires. I think I just merely assumed that everything that worked in Buffy’s verse would work in Anita’s, with out considering things such as cell phone services. Thanks for pointing them out.

As for the public libraries: the library here charges to use the internet. Word processing and such is free, though. Other than that, the only other public computers I’ve used have been at airports, and they charge for time, too. So I just assumed that it was a common feature. I’ve left it in, for now, because it’s not really a huge detail.

And yes, I’d love it if you could work as a beta. The story isn’t progressing very fast at the moment, so it might be a while, but I’ll definitely take you up on your offer when the next chapter is ready.
Review By [(Past Donor)Ponder] • Date [14 Nov 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 17" from heathenseyes
Review:
I just found this story and really am enjoying it--despite the really short chapters... O_o

LOL

Anyway, hope to see some more soon and darn you for the Buffy Asher thing, I love that pairing and don't see it enough and now their ending doesn't look to good. Can't Buffy have a happy ending? Please?? Preferably with Asher....

Heehee

TA!!!!
Review By [heathenseyes] • Date [14 Nov 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 17" from Sweetdoggie
Review:
Wow! Really interesting crossover. I was very sorry to come to the end. Hope you keep writing this because I was completely caught up in the story. Good work.
Review By [Sweetdoggie] • Date [14 Nov 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 17" from HunterH
Review:
Please write more soon :)
Review By [HunterH] • Date [14 Nov 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 17" from (Past Donor)FireDragon
Review:
Oh my GOSH! An update! Woo Hoo! So happy to see it. Poor Buffy.
Review By [(Past Donor)FireDragon] • Date [14 Nov 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 16" from MusicalKiller
Review:
Oh no, don't stop!! Just a few more chapters left, please!!
Review By [MusicalKiller] • Date [5 Sep 07] • Rating [9 out of 10]
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