This story is really interesting, thanks for writing it!
But, could you please fix the paragraph formatting? You had it fine in the first chapter, with a blank line between each paragraph, but in later chapters the blank lines were missing and made it very hard to read.
I usually pride myself on being able to decipher cryptic and just slightly insane but I only barely got the a tiniest bit of the gist of this chapter and that is with knowing things Xander doesn't. Really hope to see more of this.
Review By [Infinix] • Date [1 May 07] • Rating [8 out of 10]
This is great and you are evil for leaving it hanging there. :)
Review By [mackenziex] • Date [30 Apr 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "But I Won't Do That" from Ghostrider
Review:
Glad to finally see a new chapter :-) And it rocked as usual. Great work and looking forward to more. Once Xander realizes that they're keeping him from Faith, I foresee much pain and suffering for the Colonials. And once Faith finds out they've lied to her.... well, I think the Colonials will prefer being dealt with by Faith instead of Xander. If you harm one of his girls in any way, shape or form... After all, a Slayer and Faith in particular, can only hurt and maybe kill you. Xander, he'll gleefully make it hurt again and again and again.
Review By [Ghostrider] • Date [29 Apr 07] • Not Rated
I like the story, esp the cryptic Tara parts at the end. There is one problem for me, however, language. Given the background of the BSG universe there is no way that the Colonials can speak modern, unaccented American English. The Colonials seem to have only one language (I think, I haven't seen too many episodes), and may expect all humans to speak the same language, but eventually Faith or Xander should at least recognize that this is a problem and think about the issue. Magic may be involved, I don't know, and it is not necessary that an answer be found, but for realism, Faith and Xander should at least see the problem. Many low quality SF stories avoid the language issue because it is inconvenient to have the characters spend the time to learn an unknown language, better ones use a quick and dirty solution - computers, babblefish, etc.
Comments from author:
Thank you so much for reviewing! And Dude, Get Out of My Head! ;-) The Tara bit at the very end ("It has begun") is based on Armistice Station Six's comment at the very beginning of the miniseries. I pictured a glowing eyed Tara with the echoing voice of Six at that moment, but I didn't know how to write the morph without bringing in later plot points. (Tigh does screw up in the miniseries and say 'Jesus' in response to Adama once, but the series has been pretty thorough in the use of Lords of Kobol even for exclamations through S2, IIRC.) I understand from the production standpoint about the GalacticAmericanisms, but I agree with you in principle. I won't spoil the next two chapters for you, but I do address the language issue both for Slayers and Colonials soon.
Review By [oldshoe] • Date [29 Apr 07] • Rating [9 out of 10]
If the bloody colonials hurt the Slayer or Xander, please make them suffer painfully short of total annihilation. The tantalizing reaching of Earth and then losing it would be perfectly appropriate for the dumb b*stards.
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review and Ouch! I've only seen through the end of S2 for BSG, but I'm dying to write in Anders and the C-Bucks... uh, somehow. The Scoobs don't realize it, but they have some serious power in this situation. We'll have to see how that plays out. Short of total annihilation. ;-)
Review By [grd] • Date [29 Apr 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Very interesting premise for a story. You've really managed to get Kara and Adama's (the commander) voices right. I'm looking forward to see where this is going.
Ponder
Shieldage
