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Illusion of Reality

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Review of chapter "Chapter 5 - Battle Plans" from Dragonelf
Review:
I hope you will be inspired to continue this story.

::Feeds the plot bunny::
Comments from author:
I hope so too.

Blessings

Dave.
Review By [Dragonelf] • Date [28 Aug 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 5 - Battle Plans" from (Past Donor)Aynot
Review:
You know that this a really nice story. I hope that you continue with it.
Comments from author:
I am so sorry I have taken so long to reply to your review. I do hope to start it up again when I have the time away from my other stories.

Blessings

Dave.
Review By [(Past Donor)Aynot] • Date [13 Oct 06] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 5 - Battle Plans" from RevDorothyL
Review:
A fascinating variation on Buffy season 5 and the Voyager canon. I hope you'll be able to continue this, some day.
Comments from author:
Thanks. I hope to continue this at a later date.
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [14 May 06] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from Locathah
Review:
In clarification to the review I made on this chapter earlier (and in response to your response) you had the wrong "they". I meant that BUFFY and company's first question would be "what happens when the program is shut down?"

I imagine the ST crew would treat it as Q's problem as its probably beyond their ability to even run a program of such size much less maintain it indefinitly (and its not like they can turn virtual reality into reality).
Comments from author:
Sorry about the mix up? Yes I am sure when they have time to consider everything they may well ask that question, but as everything that is going out outside the holodeck is really beyond their comprehension?

I do know how I will be resolving the situation at the end of the story.
Review By [Locathah] • Date [4 Mar 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from RedDeathLV
Review:
You asked for some examples, so here are a few, but by no means all.

Some examples from Chapter 1:

"Dampingers are off line" DAMPENERS.
"I'll be fine, Casualties Commander," Is Janeway talking to the Commander of Casualties? Should be: "I'll be fine. Casualties, Commander?"
"...unusual readings from holodeck 2..." Never use a number in dialogue or prose. The only exception is something that is specifically numeric: Time, money, etc. In this instance it's a title, Holodeck Two.
"...approximately 6.5 billion." Same thing.
"Confirmed Captain," put-in Kim" PUT-IN is not a real word or phrase. You're think of "Kim put in" or "Kim interjected" / "interjected Kim."

(I won't start on the overuse everywhere by everyone (not just you) of the phrase "game face" (shudders violently))

Some examples from Chapter 2:
"...one got pass them..." PAST.
"...kill the creature that the Varon is trap-in..." TRAPPED IN.
"...to all intense and purposes..." FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES.

They're plentiful and relatively minor, but they build up as the reader goes along.
One other thing I noticed is your curious misuse of commas. Far too many where there should be much fewer, and not near enough where there should be more. Examples of this can be easily seen, just look for the really looooooooooong run-on sentences that take up entire paragraphs, and the long blurbs of dialogue that never seem to pause.
Comments from author:
"Dampingers are off line" DAMPENERS. (Agreed this is an error.)
"I'll be fine, Casualties Commander," Is Janeway talking to the Commander of Casualties? Should be: "I'll be fine. Casualties, Commander?" (Comma missed got it.)
"...unusual readings from holodeck 2..." Never use a number in dialogue or prose. The only exception is something that is specifically numeric: Time, money, etc. In this instance it's a title, Holodeck Two. (As Holodecks do not actually exist using numeric may or may not apply in the same way I live at number five or 5 Whatever road. It is a location.)
"...approximately 6.5 billion." Same thing.
"Confirmed Captain," put-in Kim" PUT-IN is not a real word or phrase. You're think of "Kim put in" or "Kim interjected" / "interjected Kim." (And yet the Thesaurus describes put-in as meaning interject etc.)

(I won't start on the overuse everywhere by everyone (not just you) of the phrase "game face" (shudders violently)) (As vampires do not exist, as described in Buffy, I hope!! Describing what happens when they change needs to be explained some way as anyone reading a Buffy story knows already what happens. Writing it out i.e. The man’s face started to change, ridges appeared on his forehead, his dark eyes glinted with a yellow hue and his canines extended into sharp fangs. Okay more descriptive but not really necessary and would become rather tedious.)

Some examples from Chapter 2:
"...one got pass them..." PAST. (True.)
"...kill the creature that the Varon is trap-in..." TRAPPED IN. (True.)
"...to all intense and purposes..." FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES. (True.)

They're plentiful and relatively minor, but they build up as the reader goes along.
One other thing I noticed is your curious misuse of commas. Far too many where there should be much fewer, and not near enough where there should be more. Examples of this can be easily seen, just look for the really looooooooooong run-on sentences that take up entire paragraphs, and the long blurbs of dialogue that never seem to pause.

I thank you for your input. This story was not betad when it was first posted as explained at the time. I then found someone to do so, although obviously they did not do a very good job, I have since found a new beta so hopefully when she, and myself, are ready to continue with it the errors will be fixed.

I would like to apologise for not commenting on your review sooner, real life and problems with my internet connection did not help.
Review By [RedDeathLV] • Date [2 Mar 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from Locathah
Review:
I'd expect their first question to be "what happens after the program is shut down."

Because as it stands they have no reason to care about any of this... one way or another their entire reality (and them along with it) would cease to exist in 7 days.
Comments from author:
I disagree I would argue that their first question would be 'How can we resolve this without violating the Prime Directive by destroying an entire planet of sentient beings and retrieve our two shipmates?'
But thanks for the review.
Review By [Locathah] • Date [28 Feb 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from RedDeathLV
Review:
This rating would be much higher than it is, but you REALLY need to work on word use.
You keep using the wrong words in the wrong places. Just running it though a spellchecker isn't enough.
Comments from author:
Maybe if you gave me an example I could tell you why I used what I used?
Review By [RedDeathLV] • Date [28 Feb 06] • Rating [5 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from NoLifeKing
Review:
Rather interesting story and unique idea. :-)
Couldn't the Starfleet people make a command decision and kill Ben, as Giles killed him in the end? "Life of many is more important than the life of one." And a galaxy against one human host of a god, shouldn't take much to think about, imho.
I look forward for how this will continue.
Comments from author:
Thanks.

The needs of the many may well out weigh the needs of the one? But does that justify murder?
Review By [NoLifeKing] • Date [28 Feb 06] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from VillageOrchid
Review:
Pretty cool. Speaking of Willow using the internet to find floor plans, could they use the internet to contact the outside world/communiate through the computers on the starship? Thanks for sharing the tale.
Comments from author:
Thanks. No going to work from the inside as they are restricted by the program they are part of?
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [25 Feb 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from VillageOrchid
Review:
Well... kinda liking that either the "magic"from revealing Ben is Glory is active or that the others didn't think it was important enough to mention Glory's weakness (or didn't pay enough attention to that part because it wasn't actiony enough for them). Glad to see more of this story.
Comments from author:
Thanks. The Ben-Glory part is explained, sort of, in the next part? Expect it in a few days.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [23 Feb 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from SamDragon
Review:
Very interesting.A couple of minor miss spelling of words.Waiting for next part hopefully soon.
Comments from author:
Thanks, I will be posting the next part in a day or two.
Review By [SamDragon] • Date [22 Feb 06] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from VillageOrchid
Review:
If they're existing in computer time, maybe they could go at a greater rate (that is more time could pass for them inside) like how dimensions can work in different time frames. B'elanna might beable to come up with the science part, while most of the Scoobies would have read up on the dimensional thing and could understand it.
Comments from author:
Cannot happen, B'elanna to all intense and purposes is on an 'alien' world and cannot access the matrix. And the Voyager crew are restricted somewhat by the barrier Q put around it to stop the bad guy? getting loose. Although later I do have the crew watching the action somewhat like watching a TV show, but only when they come up with an idea to... well you will just have to wait and see.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [22 Feb 06] • Not Rated
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