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The Consequence of Perplexity

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Review of chapter "So He Appears..." from twlight
Review:
Oh wow. Okay so I understand why Xander would want to leave but what did Buffy say to make Xander THAT mad at her that just mentioning her still gets that reaction? Why wouldn't they believe Xander when Oz could back her up in how the asshole was acting? I do have to say that I hope that you are able to update this again soon.
Review By [twlight] • Date [16 Jul 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "So He Appears..." from twlight
Review:
Oh wow. Okay so I understand why Xander would want to leave but what did Buffy say to make Xander THAT mad at her that just mentioning her still gets that reaction? Why wouldn't they believe Xander when Oz could back her up in how the asshole was acting? I do have to say that I hope that you are able to update this again soon.
Review By [twlight] • Date [16 Jul 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "So He Appears..." from banditdoz
Review:
Really great story Thank you for writing I hope you continue Merry Christmas ;D
Review By [banditdoz] • Date [24 Dec 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "So He Appears..." from FemXanderForever
Review:
Holy moley, this is, like, wow.

Yeah, just ... wow.

I really hope you actually continue this, though.

FemXanderForever
Review By [FemXanderForever] • Date [9 Aug 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "So He Appears..." from msdarque
Review:
Oh come on, can't stop now when it gets extra exciting!
It's intriguing, different, fun... love reading it. :D
Congrats and many stars!
Review By [msdarque] • Date [25 Apr 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "So He Appears..." from MikaMustang
Review:
I guess your not gonna update this then... damn cuz its a great story... oh well. I liked what you have =3
Review By [MikaMustang] • Date [16 Apr 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "So He Appears..." from deathgeonous
Review:
I suddenly remembered this fic, and your other, longer, girly Xander fic, and had to reread them again. And I really wish you'd continue them both, even if this one does need some grammar and structure work. Well, thanks for writing this, bye for now.
Review By [deathgeonous] • Date [3 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "So He Appears..." from IceWhisper
Review:
I just found this fic and...please tell me you're going to update this! Please?! It's been two years. =(
Review By [IceWhisper] • Date [4 Jan 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "So He Appears..." from BlackBetty
Review:
WOW! I only just found this story a couple of weeks ago and I cant help but keep going back to it, as though it will miraculously be finished next time or something. Anyways the point is I love this story and I hope u get more inspiration soon, cuz oh dang whats not to like about this story.
Also, if someone has taken up writing this story, can u post where to find it?

Thanks
Crash
Review By [BlackBetty] • Date [16 Apr 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "So He Appears..." from lillyb
Review:
now what? what happens now, why'd ya stop? that was really good. come on give a girl a break. pleeeeese
Review By [lillyb] • Date [27 Jul 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "So He Appears..." from bex
Review:
You can't stop there! I need closure! or my psyche will be irreparably damaged
Review By [bex] • Date [8 Apr 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "So He Appears..." from charliecheese
Review:
omg i didn't realise it wasn't complete! how could u end it there?! please update soon.
Review By [charliecheese] • Date [9 Jan 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Bar Fights are Cool..." from (Recent Donor)deitarionSSokolow
Review:
I'm sorry. I just can't read anymore. The plot has potential... but it falls flat because you structured your story poorly and mismanaged the gender-bending... primarily in that you skipped over Xander getting familiar with his/her new state (something you just can't get away with in a situation like this) and, to make matters worse, didn't even explain what had happened until chapter 13.

To put it another way, these characters feel flat because you're focusing on events (and a Xander) which the readers haven't been coaxed to care about... partly because Xander feels out of character because you didn't walk the readers through the details of what turned familiar Xander into this Xander. That's especially inexcusable since a gender-swap is one of the biggest shocks a character can take... and that's for situations where it ISN'T painful. That just makes it worse.

Ideally, you'd also follow Xander from the beginning. You could probably get away with this structure if you showed how Xander got here using flashbacks (Dreams and/or nightmares would do if you don't want traditional flashbacks) right from the beginning (ideally, starting in chapter 2 with Xander's identity being revealed as a teaser at the end of chapter 1)... but as it is, your writing feels as if you think you're entitled to reader interest when you should be actively trying to hook the readers' interest.

I'd say "straws that broke the camel's back", but given how much gender-bending fiction I've read and how much I know about analyzing plots, I can fairly confidently say that this is more like logs than straws.

UPDATE: While I'll admit I hadn't considered that goal (slow reveal), it still doesn't change the fact that you wrote the story as if you'd already secured the reader's interest. That's never a good idea.
Comments from author:
:P

i think says it all.

What is the point to writing a story if you know every that is or will or has happened if it's all
done in the first few chapters? That's not good story telling. The whole point is to leave the reader wanting more.

I like reading stories with a slow built up to them. That's how i write.
Review By [(Recent Donor)deitarionSSokolow] • Date [29 Dec 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from tonisimone
Review:
this is a reply to deitarionSSokolow's review

could someone pass it on to them.

i just got so mad reading it.

So i'ts a slow build up (made a little more frustrating by the slow update speed.) It's beautifully crafted so the reader dosn't know what will happen next.

this is not a stereotypical Gender bending story. It's a story about an extremly tramatised woman (who was once a man) coming to grips with being stalked, almost raped & having his support system ripped away from him.

besides this, way we can beg the author for a prequel.


toni
Comments from author:
Thank you.
Review By [tonisimone] • Date [29 Dec 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "So He Appears..." from tonisimone
Review:
Oh!... Beautiful just.... Beautiful

:D____ :(

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry

lovely story

update soon


toni
Review By [tonisimone] • Date [29 Dec 08] • Not Rated
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