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Keyed Up

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Review of chapter "Chapter 9" from Vickzie
Review:
Cool story!
Review By [Vickzie] • Date [29 Oct 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from PrincessTai
Review:
“Dean…”
“No.”
“Dean, please?”
“No.”
“Sam would let me.”
“Sammy’s not here.”


That was cute. lol I'm feeling as if Dean has had that conversation many times :-D Already, I'm getting that sense of sibling-ship.

One itty-bitty question, that I hope you answer early on, or it's gonna drive me buggo! Uh, how do the monks die in Dawn's birth, so long after Mary's. Half-sister?
Review By [PrincessTai] • Date [1 Mar 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "chapter 8" from immortalwizardelffan
Review:
Grrrrr...... I am really hating John right now. The boys and Dawn deserve to live a normal life and to know that he loves them. Not be beaten down by their dad when they want to go their own way and definitely not being let alone in a boarding school like that.
Comments from author:
Well, it does seem to me that John screws up quite often when it comes to his kids. I do think it's with the best of intentions, however. I'm going to see if I can redeem him later in the story :). Thank you for your input!
Review By [immortalwizardelffan] • Date [11 Feb 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 7" from DemonChildeKyra
Review:
Ooo, I reallylike this one so far! I'm glad that Spike is in it; its weird reading anything Dawn-centered without protecto-Spike in it at least once. I can't wait to read more! Please update again soon!
Review By [DemonChildeKyra] • Date [29 Jan 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 7" from spikeismine
Review:
Very good but please don't tell me this is the end. If not, then please update soon.
Review By [spikeismine] • Date [1 Jul 06] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 7" from Padfootcc
Review:
love the story! update soon!
Review By [Padfootcc] • Date [27 Jun 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 7" from littleoldme
Review:
Just getting caught up here... thought this chapter was infinitely better than the last. Good job!
Review By [littleoldme] • Date [22 Jun 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 7" from NORCALchick
Review:
I love this story!! I'm new to this site so I just found it but I'm glad cuz I got to read a lot!! update soon!
Review By [NORCALchick] • Date [21 Jun 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "chapter 6" from littleoldme
Review:
I was reading the other review, and wanted to give you a few ideas for improving the characterization. I think that one of the problems is that the relationship between the three is often based on quippiness about things like music or television, but it doesn't involve music or television shows we've ever heard ANY of the characters talk about before. It's not like Sam and Dean have lots of conversations about music in Dawn's absence, and adding in a little sister doesn't logically entail those kinds of conversations. Also, we have to buy that the changes from Dawn's character come from the way she was raised- so the best thing for you to do is to give us a glimpse into how she was raised and how she became the person she is.

I think it might help if you spent some time really thinking about what Dawn's childhood was like, and how it shaped her into the person she is today. Then think about how having Dawn there might have changed Sam and Dean. Would they suddenly start having conversations about Metallica? What about Dark Wing Duck? That seems a bit out of character, so does Dawn's existence explain it? Well, canon Dawn's doesn't, because she wasn't exactly the Dark Wing Duck kind of kid. And while being raised differently may have changed her preferences, it wouldn't have changed them randomly to match yours...

Just some things to think about. As I've said before, I like this fic. I do think this chapter was a bit manic, and that you need to concentrate on grounding the characters' interactions in the canon as much as you can. Hope this helps!
Review By [littleoldme] • Date [14 Jun 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "chapter 6" from tals
Review:
I'm sorry to say that I find the characters very Out-of-Character in this story. I think that they move through the different scenes of your story extremely quickly. You never give us the time to truly get a deeper feel for the characters, instead the one-liners kinda have a tendency to take over the story. I like one-liners, but they aren't enough to build a story around. The reason I'm a writing this review is that I find the premise of the story very interesting (I'd never review a story I didn't like at all; I'd just ignore it). I like your choice of bringing in Angel and the Hyperion into your story. I haven't seen that crossover before, and I really like the idea. I basically enjoy the plot and underlying idea of your story, I simply feel that you may be rushing your characterisation a bit. Try to bring in some emotion from your characters; not only how they react, but how they feel, and why they react as they do. Just a friendly suggestion. Keep writing.

Tals
Review By [tals] • Date [14 Jun 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "chapter 6" from littleoldme
Review:
One thing that's throwing me a bit in this is the cursing. Since these are fanfics written by shows that never use language stronger than "ass" or "bitch," it automatically strikes me as out of character when the characters throw the f-word around- if we've never seen them say it, what is it about the current situation that is SO extreme that they would say it now? Regardless of the fact that censorship is the reason that none of the characters really curse, the shows mythos has built them up as characters who speak a certain way, and you have to do extra work to make me buy them speaking a different way.

John seemed rather callous to me this chapter. He seems to value Dawn only for her keyness, which has me wondering what his deal is. If the key has some sort of important role in the monster he's hunting, I can see him viewing Dawn primarily as the key and pushing aside all of his memories, but unless that's the case, I think she would matter to him more as a daughter than as a key.
Comments from author:
Dean and Sam swear only when they are highly vexed. Usually over something threatening their little sister. And they prevent her from swearing. John was being a wanker, but shall very shortly be shown the error of his ways, don't worry :). I'm afraid I have a rather dirty mouth, and thus so do the characters I'm writing. I'll try to tone it down, my apologies if I've caused offense.
Review By [littleoldme] • Date [13 Jun 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 5" from littleoldme
Review:
I can't believe that Dean let Dawn drive his baby! Too funny! I'm a little surprised that Dean is going against his father's wishes and letting Dawn hunt, but in some ways, it makes a lot of sense. He wants her to be able to defend herself, and he's also probably been really lonely without a hunting partner. With Sam at college and John MIA, it makes sense that he would turn to Dawn. Thanks for the update, I'm really enjoying- especially how easily the nicknames come to each other.

And if you have time and feel so compelled, you might check out my fic, DADDY'S GIRL. It's the reason that I posted this challenge- DG is an AU in which the Winchesters adopted Buffy as a baby, and the plotline of the challenge was too similar for me to write a "Dawn as the youngest Winchester" fic myself. Anyway, you might enjoy.

Keep the updates coming! I really look forward to them.
Review By [littleoldme] • Date [12 Jun 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from littleoldme
Review:
As for the person who asked how Dawn could be their sister when Mary died when Sam was a baby, they have a point- the monks couldn't change the Winchesters' memories of when Mary died, because they'd have to give Sam more memories of his mother, and that would have changed Sam's character development a lot.

Still, it's an easy fix. If Dawn's fourteen, she's at least seven or eight years younger than Sammy. She could easily be a half-sister. Or, if the monks were feeling particularly ambitious, they could have rewritten history to make Sam and Dean think that the demon had killed their mother when DAWN was a baby, which would serve the purpose of giving both boys extra reason to want to protect Dawn. The biggest problem with this is that a lot of Sammy's character is dependent on the fact that he never knew his mother, which is a large part of why he wasn't as dedicated as Dean was to hunting originally.

In any case, I'm really looking forward to seeing where you take this!
Comments from author:
thank you very much indeed for your glowing reviews - unexpected and really heartening.I hadn't realised just how much having my ego stroked suits me :)

I am going to deal with how Dawn came to be with the Winchesters, however, some patience is required - I should be getting there soon, though. I'm trying to be subtle with the Buffyverse references, and I personally think that Dawn's character would be largely different considering the predominantly masculine influences she's had in this existence - yes, there will be similarities, but I'm a big believer in nurture vs. nature.

Once again, thanks to you for the challenge. This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction, and it is largely due to the interest sparked in me by your idea. And I really do appreciate your input.
Review By [littleoldme] • Date [11 Jun 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from littleoldme
Review:
Interesting twist with the demon recognizing Dawn as the Key- great way to integrate the storylines from the two shows.

I'm really enjoying this. Update ASAP!
Review By [littleoldme] • Date [11 Jun 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "chapter 3" from littleoldme
Review:
I loved this chapter. Your Dawn, having grown up with the boys, is so much cooler than canon Dawn. Her one liners are great, and she brings out the best in the boys. You've developed a great sibling dynamic already.

One thing I'd like to see a little more of is obscure references to Buffyverse Dawn- just little things to remind us that this is the same girl. For example, you do a great job with Dawn stealing money from the wallets, having been taught by her father, but to kick it up a notch, you'd want to somehow remind readers that Buffyverse Dawn had that little problem with kleptomania, and that it had an emotional impact. Other things you could reference- Dawn having a tendency to get kidnapped (a must), Dawn resenting the fact that her older siblings have privileges that she doesn't (especially related to the super hero-ness of them), etc.

With an AU like this, it's a delicate balance between showing us how the AU would have changed the character, and tying the character to the one we know in canon. I think you're doing a great job of the first, and a decent job with the second, but if you were looking for suggestions, I'd work on integrating some Buffyverse trivia into your Supernaturalverse Dawn.

Still, fab fic... can't wait to read more!
Review By [littleoldme] • Date [11 Jun 06] • Not Rated
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