That was great. Very nice build-up to Willow's realization.
You've got 4 line breaks between each paragraph instead of 2. I believe you can easily fix that in your original wordprocessor doc by turning off the double-spacing and then you can repaste here at TtH.
The title of the story is still misspelled.
*** Ponder
Comments from author:
A large part of the problems I am having stem from My computer having a MAJOR crash about a year ago. I lost everything. I AM trying to fix things, however, I am stuck re-downloading everything and trying to put the fixes together from that. There have been issues (sigh). I do apologize for inconvenience this is causing the readers, but I AM trying
Review By [Ponder] • Date [24 Feb 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
An intriguing idea and you put it over very well. I liked it a lot.
However Belisarius has a good point about your spelling of names. Ahnyaka should be Anyanka, Halfrac (which you also spell as 'Halfrak' in one place) should be Halfrek, and Jessie (a feminine name) should be Jesse (the masculine version). The spelling error in the title will probably put off a lot of prospective readers, quite apart from the potential quarantine issue.
Also, Willow's correction of Buffy's grammar is itself incorrect. Buffy was right first time. You can check by inserting the phrase into the original sentence and then taking out the second person. "You didn't bring I a wedding gift" is incorrect and therefore "You didn't bring Xander and I a wedding gift" is also incorrect. "Me and Xander" is correct and, as Willow is canonically much more likely to be right about such things than is Buffy, you should do something about it.
ADDITION: Only too happy to help with constructive criticism - if I don't like a story I don't bother to point out errors. You haven't caught all the spelling mistakes - you still have Halfrek's name wrong. The second vowel should an 'e'.
Comments from author:
I would really like to than you and Belisarius for your constructive criticisms. I like getting those as much, if not more than, the positive words. I think I got all my my errors...I hope...
Once again thanks
Review By [Speakertocustomers] • Date [27 Jul 06] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Halfrek's Gift" from Belisarius
Review:
Pretty interesting, one or two misplaced capital letters. Also, and this is important, it's Halfrek and Anyanka. Stories get quarantined here for misspelling canon character names.
Comments from author:
Thanks for the heads up.I think I got them
Thanks
Review By [Belisarius] • Date [27 Jul 06] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Well if you people keep up with such nice flattery I may have to write something else. I'm glade you enjoyed the story. I guess its time to start work on the next one
Review By [MaeveBran] • Date [27 Jul 06] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Ponder
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